Missing friends who abandoned me

[Pudding098]

2 years ago my best friends abandoned me without so much as a goodbye. I tried to contact them and get answers but it ended up just looking desperate and my pleads to answer me probably just dug me into a bigger hole and i get the feeling my messages were shared with a few other people who were stirring things up and taking the mick out of me. Since ive tried to make a new start in a new place but havent made any friends, and i have really struggled to allow myself to. I really miss my old friends, they were part of my memories and part of my own personality for 10 years and i feel like i need closure as to what happened but i dont know what to do? Do i continue to try to move on? Do i try again to contact them for answers even they may take the mick out of my message? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

[AMessOfJess]

Hello again Pudding.

Yes I have been on both sides of this situation. In high school I was shunned without warning by people I thought were my closest friends, they tried to get other people who had nothing to do with it do the same. I would eat in the bathroom’s and sit in the library durning lunch, one day I got tired of it all and messaged the person who instigated it I just asked for answers. She was very harsh and I did agree with many points she brought up about my behaviour being out of line however she never addressed these issues once with me before. The issues were mainly rude comments and clingy ness. The words she wrote are still stuck in my mind I wish I had never asked for them, at the end of it I resolved that it was her problem, at any point she could have brought up the issues and we could have resolved them but she didn’t. After high school I had a friend who kept in touch to an extreme amount and every time it felt like work talking to them, one day I decided to block and delete her contact. She hadn’t done anything wrong but I blocked her, this was 5 years ago and recently I sent her a message apologising for my rudeness and we have reconciled. As I have mentioned before I seek my validation and self worth from others so when I got shunned I was almost hysterical, but very submissive and quiet to them directly. I think people have an idealistic view of friendship, sure you can have those that are life long and there are those that are simply geographically convenient, when this happened did they move? Or did you move? As horrible as it may sound they may have thought of you as a friend of convenience, this isn’t a bad thing it doesn’t mean they didn’t care while they were there. You have who you have in your life because you need them at that time. Not having closure hurts, but spending more time on people who shut you out will hurt you longer. Be thankful for the time you had, it’s helped make you who you are but they are not all you are. Have you tried Bumble to meet new friends? There’s a setting on their for that. Also there’s an app called MeetUp where you can find groups with similar interests such as aniexty groups I hope this helped in any way.

[Pudding098 in reply to AMessOfJess]

That really does help especially bumble and meet up Ive never heard of them before. Do you think hearing the truth, although the words have stuck with you have made it easier to move on and made you a better person? It sounds like you unintentionally hurt your high school friends, and i think i am the same if ive hurt them i dont know how and i didnt mean to, did you manage to resolve it after or did you go your seperate ways, or how did you cope with being shunned? I really appreciate your words of wisdom 'be thankful for the time you had, its made you who you are but its there not all you are'. That really hit home for me and made me realise your right. Thank you.

[AMessOfJess in reply to Pudding098]

Hearing the reason although certainly made it all final makes me question everything I do when it comes to the things she mentioned I second guess me. Sometimes the answer doesn’t matter it’s the fact that they will answer the question And try and work through it that’s the difference. She answered but wasn’t interested in resolving anything, it was all about slamming a door in my face and I wouldn’t be as anxious if I didn’t know the exact reason. Hind sight is 20/20 and I look at it differently now so I don’t regret getting the answer but I know I would have been better off without it. So yes, we went our seperate ways. The shunning was maybe two weeks, after that they would talk to me if I spoke to them but neither of us would go out of our ways. I was lucky we only had a few months left and then I changed to a different school of year 11. No worries at all, if you’re in need of your first new friend I’m around

[DeeM3 in reply to Pudding098]

I almost lost a friend from my anxiety. I would spew negativity every time we talked and it was too much. At one point the she stopped calling and messaging and I backed off. After several months of getting myself together and decreasing my anxiety, I started small positive texts to her just about random silly things. We’ve built our friendship back up. With anxiety we don’t realize how hard we are to deal with—all of our obsessive, negative thoughts.

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Try to remember real friends don't do thesethings or act this way, sometimes we need to be grateful when people show their true colors.

[Want2BHappy3]

If they were really your friends they wouldn't have abandoned you? so your probably better off without them?