Any else worry about death?

[Briannafaye1]

Hi everyone so if you remember me & my old posts you’ll remember me saying how scared I am about death of my self or someone close me , what triggered these scary thoughts was because my mom passed away about a year ago & it was so sudden ‘ I was scared and thought if she can pass away so sudden what if it happens to me or someone close to me , my brain keeps thinking of it , I hate it . I always try my best to stop my self or even tell my self that” well all be okay” but I keep having this fear :’( , is their anyone else that thinks this way ? I’m always scared especially that I have a toddler I’m always scared for her too & my self or my sisters , it’s driving me crazy

[Gary666]

Every single day I think about death and is this going to be my last day here, the older I get the more I think about it I’m 43 now! I’m just about to start on some therapy for that and my anxiety. Your not alone here at all. Seek help and I will share what happens with my therapist xx

[kevoreally]

Everyday sadly its something ill never accept especially with this materialistic world -_-

[Gina-wen]

This sounds familiar to me...I'll share my thoughts - that's all they are, just my thoughts...not fact...just my thoughts.

You have 'a toddler' now, so that child was quite young when your Mother passed away suddenly. For this to happen at any time, to anyone, is harrowing and hard...but for it to happen to you when you're within about a year of having given birth...it has an even deeper impact. I was fearless pretty much, then I had my first son...all of a sudden there was this small creature so dependent on me for everything, I suddenly didn't feel immortal anymore. I also loved him so much I hated the thought of not seeing him grow up...I 'mattered' to someone and I'd never known that feeling before.

At this stage we are full of hormones that certainly don't help...at that point you lost your Mum, I'm so sorry. You asked a question in your post - "what if it happens to me or someone close to me?"...."what if?". What would happen? What happened after your Mum passed? - After she passed you sort of 'carried on' as best you could/can, you still looked after your child, you ate/talked/did the housework, whatever with your Mum in your heart and thoughts. But the point is that life continued...and I think this answers your question....as it did mine when my baby was small (he's 21 now and I HAVE watched him grow - and you will too with yours).

I went on to work with the elderly and I gave palliative care. After my years of fearing death I was here sitting with people who were passing over. It was probably the easiest thing they'd ever done...how could I be scared of something so easy and peaceful? Would I waste my life scared of what may or may not happen only to reach old age never having been free of a pointless fear.

The things going through your mind are 'thoughts'...not FACTS...so don't believe your thoughts. Like annoying relatives let them come - but don't feed them! - and then let them go. They will return (like annoying relatives) but next time they won't stay as long! And eventually, they will get bored and stop visiting and if your really lucky they won't come again.

I rarely have these fears now...I can't lie and say it's all fine...but it doesn't rule my life now.

My mind is like my house - just because someone knocks it doesn't mean I have to let them in.

You WILL be okay. xxx

[Briannafaye1 in reply to Gina-wen]

Thank you for the feed back!! , trying to not even think like the scary thoughts but sometimes I feel like I can’t think positive sometimes

[Gina-wen in reply to Briannafaye1]

None of us can think positive ALL the time and anyone who says they can is kidding themselves! Forced positivity isn't genuine either and that's not useful. We're allowed to have negative thoughts...acknowledge them and let them go....when you catch yourself feeding them...acknowledge that too and then try again. Practice and more practice. It doesn't happen overnight...and that's what's so tiring. xx

[Briannafaye1 in reply to Gina-wen]

Thank you for your kind feedback , your helping me think more positive

[Jeff1943 in reply to Gina-wen]

A great post, Gina, based on the wisdom you have gained with experience. You are an example to us all, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and knowledge. I'm going to read your post again!

[Gina-wen in reply to Jeff1943]

I'm glad it helped. No one has life totally sussed but we never stop trying do we? The biggest irony I see is, that all of us, Jeff1943 and Briannafaye1 , our tribe...we're the strongest people of all. We have these heavy thoughts and we keep moving despite them, that's no easy thing...in what we see as our weaknesses - we are the strongest we'll ever be. xx

[Jeff1943 in reply to Gina-wen]

As Claire Weekes who first set out the acceptance method for recovery from anxiety disorder 50 years ago said, people suffering from anxiety are some of the bravest people there are.

[Hidden]

Me .... all my life ! I can relate ! I witnessed my mum die suddenly in 2013 21 November. We thought she had the flue but it wasn’t ! I keep flashing back to the scene with ambulance team etc ! .....

[Gina-wen in reply to Hidden]

So sorry that you went through that. Such traumatic things stay at the forefront don't they. After my Mum passed away, for many years when ever I thought of her I always thought of her death first...instead of her life. She was in ICU (2001) and I was with her - I felt I did it all wrong but how was I to know what was right, never having been in that position before!? For you, it's still so recent. I hope one day that you find some peace, I'm sure your mum would not want you to be suffering. xx

[Hidden in reply to Gina-wen]

Kind words ... It sounds like you have been through a distressing time in your life too ! You are right about the replaying the scene throughout your mind ! I play that scene through my mind a lot. It’s to see what i could of done differently or quicker on which to save her life. One day I think I will accept perhaps that I done my best in that traumatic situation. I was very busy after keeping my dad and sis and family heads above water through the shock of it all. They doing well now ... but I now feel tired, distressed, sad, severely anxious, lost and alone ... but I’m not alone I have family around me, I’m lucky. This is my time now to work through my grief for my beautiful mum. I hope you find peace of mind one day ... xx

[Briannafaye1 in reply to Hidden]

I think the same way , my mom passed away in October 2016 & I keep replaying the scene of holding onto my mom when she was already gone in the hospital, she was on life support and they said she was already gone , by the time I got the hospital my mom was already gone , me and my younger sisters have this guilt feeling like we should have known or we could have been their more for her everyday , I’m trying my best but very night it always comes to mind and can’t sleep , I get bad anxiety and overthink about my heath or my babies or my sisters anyone that’s close to me I always get scared about their heath

[Hidden in reply to Briannafaye1]

... please don’t feel guilt ... it’s our anxious minds over protecting us. I’m the same when I’m alone I play it over in my head. I think we have to bare with it until our minds find peace. It’s part of the healing process I believe from my Counsellor ! I know my mum would be upset to think I was tormenting my self over her sudden passing ! I allow thoughts or memories to come, then dismiss with music or cd relaxing therapy ! It right it down in a journal ... your memory ... it will be extremely painful and a lot of tears I found, but it’s better out than lingering strongly in my mind to keep me awake .... soon happy memories or nostalgia will kick in .... it eases the traumatic scene of their passing .... just bare with it ! It’s just your mind processing the trauma .... everything will calm soon with your sisters ... that’s what I found 4 years on, four steps forward and two steps back ....

[Briannafaye1 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you , I’m doing my best especially since I have a little toddler ‘ I’m thankful for her because she keeps me happy and busy but I always think of my mom and how she would be happy for my daughter , so thank you for giving back good feed back , we have something smiler together and I don’t feel so alone anymore , thank god bless

[Gina-wen in reply to Hidden]

See what I mean about 'us' being the strongest Hidden ? After all that happened that day you held up your family...wow...that takes strength and then some more! Often by putting others first we delay our own grief/reactions...and by the time you have chance to feel them your worn out from caring for others first. Plus, the family might think you're that strong and don't need holding up when, in fact, you do.

I feel sure you did all you could that day, when all factors are considered -like the shock for starters.

I had to replace my visions of that day with other much nicer visions....like when my Mum asked me to pass her the custard powder one day...as I passed it I dropped it onto the counter, it exploded and went everywhere...her face was a picture! So, each time I started to think...I replaced the vision as quick as I could....took some doing but I got there. Remember we're all different, there are no expectations or time limits on you. You are entitled and should grieve...in your own time without pressure. xx

[Hidden in reply to Gina-wen]

Aww kind wise words Gina-went. Than you ....Yes i believe we are very strong. Perhaps my family do think I am as hard as nails, even though there is a turbulence of sorrow within me. That they will never see. xx

[Anxious2befree]

This is me all over. I lost my Mum and My dad just under 2 years apart and it's been awful dealing with the fear of dying. I'm sick of it but I'm trying to stay strong and seeing a psychologist. That might help you X

[Icanbeathis2016]

I hope the year has gotten much better for you. I too struggle with the same fears. You are not alone. If infact you still have this fear I'd like to share my broadcast endeavor with you. It's for those who have the fear of death.

I wish us the best. 😊

youtu.be/kReK2k5cSCw(Not working as expected?)