Resurfaced Depersonalization

[wisewisdom]

Hello everyone, i am new here,

out of no where my DP resurfaced . the feeling the world is not real or i cant trust the world. I conquered this dreadful feeling but i had a bad anxiety situation (i watched a really terrible horror movie about serial killers and it erupted anxiety). Because this is not new to me i am not panicking badly but sometimes the notion of the world being either fake, our actions predestined or life just being an illusion makes me feel depressed, sometimes i feel better and think this is bullshit the world is real then sometimes i doubt so much i want to break down and cry, i really need someone to talk to, because of the country i am people will look at me like i am crazy. its only been a week i know i it will fade with time but the fear this may come back frightens me, 2014 was the first time i encountered this and for 1 yr it troubled me and i defeated it so i am wondering why the hell its recurring and so strong, i thought i had risen above it ?

I noticed when i am around alot of people, diverse, like work, gathering of friend etc i feel better, especially out doors, but when i am in an enclosed space like office i start to think bout it again.

Once i am in a large crowd, like commuting home when i dont drive, i interact and ask myself, this cant be fake but the doubt, sometimes when my head is clear (after spending hours interacting with people), but once i am alone i start to question, especially once am home, something about my house, it gets worse and it feels like someone is putting thoughts in my mind because i am rejecting the notion of the world being an illusion.

i have been through this before and i beat it but still feels strange after spending 3 yrs clean (had other anxiety episodes but non that involved DP/DR).

I know i am suppose to ignore the thoughts

engage in activity

get good supplements like B12, Cod Liver Oil and Omega H3 etc

but i want a permanent solution out, i dont ever want to have this again.

I have been single for two years and i am looking for a decent lady because i am at that age where its time to have a good partner (not neccessairly marry right now cuz i am 26 riding on 27). but i just feel if i find someone i can love and loves me maybe i would feel more grounded to existence, i live alone, have little to no social life and my nature keeps few friends.

[Jeff1943]

DP is a symptom of anxiety, your mind is trying to distance you from the reality of your daily life in order to protect you. It is quite common among people with anxiety disorder and as with the other symptoms of anxiety recovery lies in accepting the feeling without fear and to not get obsessed about it. If you do this creates fear that maintains the sensitised nature of your nervous system.

I feel dp most when under intense bright fluorescent lighting like in supermarkets. But because I accept it I tend to forget about it and then suddenly find myself saying: "Hey what happened to that dp feeling, it's gone!" so distraction seems to help.

I used to call it 'feeling like I'm not here."

[wisewisdom in reply to Jeff1943]

So i just have to admit its a permanent feeling that will resurface evrytime i have a panic attack as a defense mech ? that sounds depressing but yea its not like in the last 3 yrs i never had the feeling but it didnt scare me then, i just shurgged it off and i would go weeks and months without thinking about it.

[Jeff1943 in reply to wisewisdom]

No, I didn't say accept it permanently, I mean accept it for the time being, big difference. The fact that it didn't scare you before and you were able to shrug it off is significant. On those occasions you accepted it without fear and it went away.

[wisewisdom in reply to Jeff1943]

ok now i understand, i really need to beat it again. i need my life back, need to own my mind again so i can focus on my goals without feeling whats the use, did you ever have resurfacing issues ? like real bad dp come backs ...

[Jeff1943 in reply to wisewisdom]

I never had it real bad and I was able to live with it for a while, I was more concentrating on other symptoms and then one day just realised it had gone. I am only reminded of it when in a very bright environment like a supermarket. But my dp was mild compared to others.

[Hidden in reply to Jeff1943]

Jeff - that’s sooo weird! I get it under fluorescents, too!!!

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Unicorn, I use to get the same thing under fluorescent lighting

and then like Jeff, it just disappeared. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

A psychotherapist told me something in it can trigger anxiety! And then the anxiety triggers the DP/dr!

[HopingCat]

I been in this Depersonalization/derealization hell for 8 months now. And you are right, when I am around friends I can switch it off but when I’m alone I feel on edge and crazy. I am taking medications because I couldn’t handle the anxiety this hell came with. It’s been about 10 and a half weeks of medication and it helps with the anxiety but the Dp/dr is still here. It’s lame. It feel like dead or in a damn coma. It’s so disturbing but you did beat it once and I also beat it once when I was a teen so we can do it again... it’s just damn hard! Especially when this came back for me like a monster and with wayyyyy more disturbing symptoms

[wisewisdom in reply to HopingCat]

yes we can beat it. lets keep in touch, if i am to be honest, you should ditch the drugs and face it head on... what makes you anxious ? things that make me anxious seem to change, its annoying like i pick up a new one once a while.

What are you doing to beat your, hanging out seems to help, so i am more social, when i am alone i watch anime and get very into it, when i work i totally forget it except once a while every few minutes my mind goes to it but i ignore it and move on, then i go 1 hr and i remember it again and i move on, basically how i beat it the first time, i just need to stay away from things that terrify me or i dred so i dnt get to this point ever again. i noticed when the anxiety has been resolved the dreedy feeling stays and the mind looks for what to fixate on, hence the birth of dp/dr and like a blood hound once fixated on this the ocd begins.

we should connect more, lets heal together, i think this helps alot.

[HopingCat in reply to wisewisdom]

I was refusing medications for months but I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought I was going bat shit crazy. The dream feel, Dissociative attacks, the intense dream vision, existential thoughts, the nonstop weird thoughts, hyper awareness of self and existence were drinking me insane. Horrific anxiety came with it and I use to rock back and forth because I felt I wanted to run out my skin. I didn’t sleep for 9 weeks straight.... because of this I gave in and got some medication.

[wisewisdom in reply to HopingCat]

i understand how you feel, i guess what made me pull through without the meds is the fact in my country mental health care is non existent. But the best advice i can give is to completely ignore it and get active, you will beat it again since you have beat it before, focus on your daily routine live and love, its funny i am saying this because i am actually starting to feel better all because i decided to ignore the silent *the world is not real whisper* my mind was telling me, also the constant self checking which leads to self awareness, i just realized the truth is the only thing bothering you about dp/dr is the attention you are giving it which leads to the OCD and never ending repetitive cycle of asking and questioning, which leads you to a dark tunnel you can not get out of, truth is you will never get the answer to your question, most of your life before the dp/dr or anxiety you never had a reason to view the world some type of way different from the norm but now you have accessed another view of life which created strange thoughts, one thing even though i know it wont convience you much * I AM REAL* just like you are, facing everyday struggles, mixing with diverse people, there is no way to leave your body to find out hence why this thought is constant and never ending. The fact this fear terrifies you and you are on this platform looking for help means you are real, means you are not going insane and means you have a good healthy life, someone suffering from schizo or major depression will lose touch with reality and think the world is the one that is wrong. I am here if you need to talk anytime, will be checking my inbox constantly.

I took a vitamin supplement yesterday and I feel good, guess i need to get my sups up.i am actually feeling better this morning, decided to follow my own advice, ignore it completely, since i know its just a thought, life is starting to feel normal again, just the feeling still there but will ignore it, I realized the endless cycle of thoughts and me feeding it with attention makes the anxiety worse and makes me feel more disconnected and unreal so focus less on the thought and more on staying alive, trust me if you found your self in a near death experience you would cling to life more.

try something new, see a location you have never been in and be prayerful. workout (i am starting that today, jogging with my colleagues today), joining a gym this week, going for a wedding on saturday and a technology event on same day, hanging out with friends on sunday, i see my elder brother after work twice a week so i am trying to be active and alive.

Sorry for th long post. reach me anytime, i am here for you.