Depersonalization 24/7 for 15 years!

This is my first time joining a blog to talk about health concerns. My main struggle is depersonalization disorder. I have suffered for 15 years, day in, day out, nonstop. I feel like I am the only one in the world that deals with this constantly. I have been to a dozen psychiatrists, psychologists, and been on over 50 different medications and " cocktails." It will never go away. I'm constantly " not here". Dreaming. Floating. Looking through a fishbowl. Tunnel vision. Feel numb. Fake. Everything is unreal. Does anybody else have this issue? I hate feeling like I'm the only one. I would like to know if anything has worked for anyone to cure or at least lessen the depersonalization.

15 Replies

  • I think you call it de personalisation,I think it's just another word for depression, stress, panic any one of them can fit the bill, it just depends on how you want to label it. Lots of us on this site have a wide variety of symptoms so you can be sure to get some advice. Otherwise call the BLF help line as they are really good and welcome to the"site".

  • Thanks for your response. This is a rare disease that I was diagnosed with. Yes, all of those symptoms you mentioned , along with ptsd, are involved. It is an anxiety disorder.

  • I've had it for three years. The only thing that helps me is Xanax and OCCASIONALLY ignoring it and going about my day as I usually would. Not focusing on it. All therapists and psychiatrists are stumped; I'm really disappointed that there isn't more information about this illness because I really think it's one of the worst.

  • I've had xanax. It does put me in a carefree mood, but makes me more depersonalized and can't get off the couch. Very loopy. That's with the tiniest dose. Ya, doctors are completely stumped I know. There is no known medicine to fix this. I've had this since I was 13. I'm 28 now. I can't remember things that happen 15 mins ago bc I never felt they were real. It is like constant fog..... I started out with paxil when I was a child. Currently I'm stable on zoloft. I have to have an SSRI or I will have the worst withdrawal. I'm on lamictal too. I'm stable but I feel my depersonalization worseneing. It has never really gone away. You can't just " not think about it "because you are always not " feeling here". I swear it's related to vision or something. I've had my eyes checked multiple times. And even an ear appointment to check for inner ear problems. I've had an ekg type thing on my brain too. Some Kind of neurology scan. Absolutely nothing wrong. I'm just psychotic apparently. Yet I can function normally. Just like a robot though.

  • You are not psychotic. I'm sure you are a great person, just suffering frrom depersonalization

  • I wonder if all the brain altering medications are possibly the cause you say you have been on medications for 15 years. Maybe with the help of a psychiatrist you can tapper of the medication very slowly but I mean over a period of 2 years so that withdrawal doesn't hit you so hard? Just something to think about..

    There must be times that you are fully engaged and involved in what you are doing and the DP is not there until you remember??

    Here is a link to an article that really helped me with DR/DP.

    I hope you do find a solution DP was one of the worst feelings for me it scared me so much but I am much better with it now. Hopefully it gives you hope knowing others have overcome it :)

  • Wow. That article is pretty spot on. I have told my psychiatrist that I would like to wean off the meds, but she said that I am not in the right mindset quite yet. I have extreme anxiety and I need to get it under control first. Are you taking any meds? Also, I do things normally but the DP is there constantly. Like whatever I look at, it is unreal. Or out of reach. Like very foggy and dark. ... I can drive somewhere, but not remember a single thing about it. Kinda like I didn't really do it, but it's obvious that I did.... I just want to see. And feel that what I see is real. And feel like I'm real. And by the way, this is all stemmed from childhood trauma.

  • I too believe this comes with depression and it does feel like connection between eyes and brain are foggy, maybe that's the only way we cope. Mine stems from childhood trauma also, I have been to numerous psychologists, psychiatrists etc, spent a fortune, always feel sad! I now just take a day or hours at a time rest a lot and try to find a little joy but it's not really there. It is wearisome to see life thru these "glasses" I know. Take care

  • I have been experiencing it for the past year or so. I have been to therapists and psychiatrists as well. It seems like they don't understand it at all. They threw tons of different medications at me and all of them just made it worse. A book that really helped me was "at last a life" by Paul David. It's a book that actually talks about depersonalization as a part of anxiety. You should read it. I hope it helps.

  • I no exactly how u feel Was really sure I was goin mad wen I. First felt this it's bad just hang on in there u will hav beta days but the bad days are really hard Fedupme

  • Is anybody taking any medications that seem to actually help with their depersonalization? If so, what are you taking? If no medication, what techniques do you use to help you "feel here."?

  • Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii understand. And I already see the problem as to why you still have it. Depersonalization is a defense mechanism. Your brain cannot deal with the stress of something, and it has "detached" itself from you to protect you. It simply cannot process the stress. And you being stressed over it will only keep it around.

    I've had it 24/7 for a year. But I'm no longer scared or frightened by it because I understand what it is. It's not dangerous. It's not indicative of a mental illness. It's your brain saying it needs a break but with your fear of it, you keep it present and up front.

    Go out. Live your life. See that nothing happens. It can take MONTHS of not reacting to see a difference. But it WILL go away. If you have other stress in your life, that could also keep it around.

  • Oh, and I don't suffer from depression. So I don't believe there is any link, other than the simple fact depression can cause stress which can trigger DP.

  • ive been struggling with this for a while now and i too know how frustrating it is. i started getting it aftery thyroid was removed and besides anxiety i really think it has to do with hormones and the thyroid but the thyroid is VERY tricky so please look up adrenal fatigue and thyroid and anxiety and see if there is a correllation witj you. dont just go tp or trust any endocrinologist though. look up the book / website Stop the Thyroid Madness

  • i have had this for 7 months! some days are good and some days are really bad. I'm like you, i can't stop thinking about it because when i open my eyes, the drunk/fishbowl vision reminds me of it. it is so annoying.

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