Living in silence is anxiety free, but i want to live free without anxiety.

[Vaden87]

My name is Jonathon and im a server. I am around a lot of well spoken people that are successful business men or women. When i talk to them i can give my spill like its nothing, but anything after that i stutter and can not find the right words to say.. With a stupid chuckle. This also happens with any other conversation i have with ANYONE.. I feel so stupid cause i cant talk, even though i know everything about what im trying to speak of. I believe that it is my fear of saying something stupid that keeps me from just talking at a relaxed state.

I just dont know what to do. This effects me everyday so i stay quiet outside of work and to where i have been single for 8 years. Does anyone else feel this way or am i just stupid and lack the ability to be normal and carry on a conversation.

Living in silence is anxiety free, but i want to live free without anxiety.

[Christory77]

You’re not stupid. Social anxiety is pretty common. If the words don’t come out that’s ok. Smile, make a joke, and go about your day. I know that’s easier said than done but you shouldn’t put yourself down because you think you aren’t saying the right thing. There are therapies available to help you with that if you were interested. Maybe speak with a counselor who specializes in that area. There is lots of support here for you if you need to talk.

[Vaden87 in reply to Christory77]

I appreciate that bro!! I dont speak about it to anyone cause it makes me feel so weird and when i did.. They just looked at me and smirked like.. No you don't. Im working on this, just looking for ideas. I feel that if this continues.. Ill be single forever haha

[Christory77 in reply to Vaden87]

You have to be ok with that. Not saying that will happen, but the what if’s will always win if you don’t accept them. You could try and find a local social support group, or talk to someone. You just need to be in the drivers seat and be ok that the ride might be long, or bumpy. In the end you’ll get there though.

[Hidden]

Does that have a cause ?. Where you put down by someone a lot or laughed at alot/bullied ?.

[Vaden87 in reply to Hidden]

No, growing up i had a great life. I think it started in my mid 20's when i started my alcohol and drug abuse after my mom passed and the love of my life left me due to that. I quit drinking and drugging 2 years ago and it started a year and a half ago.. IT WAS BAD. I felt that i carried on two conversations at the same time.. The one in my head and the one with the person. As i got my health back it corrected its self somewhat, but since im aware of it.. It trully messes with me to where i dont have a social life other than work and the gym. Cause they are short and simple conversations.

[Hidden in reply to Vaden87]

Try and be a bit more aggressive with the way you talk. Anger is better than fear.

[melbrown]

I know the feeling, I've have had a speech problem all my life. I hate it.... I try not to talk that much because I'm afraid people won't understand me or think I'm stupid. I try hard to not let it brother me, it's part of me.... but it's still not fun.

PS very cute pup 😊

[Vaden87 in reply to melbrown]

I just need to own it like everyone is saying. Ive came to accept worse things and im ok with that.

Thanks.. It Aint no puppy anymore and there is like 7 of them.

[Cupcake5782]

I'm in the health care field and deal with people too and I feel the same way. I do my normal how are you, what's new and then after that I sometimes don't know what to say. I get so caught up inside my head thinking what do I say and I'm nervous I will say something stupid and be judged. It's very exhausting. So I get it.

[Wyominganxiety]

I do the same small talk but I tend to get very nervous even panicky if somebody really wants to have a convo.. I guess I have been coming off as rude lately because I don't really make eye contact and I have even excused myself in mid conversation due to feeling a panic attack coming on.. I used to cover it with alcohol then I could be social but I don't drink anymore so now I feel very socially awkward.

[Vaden87 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

When i would drink, being social was my life. I think thats why i get anxiety, because im wanting to be that same fun, talkative person.. When i know im not.

[Wyominganxiety in reply to Vaden87]

Yea same here