Depression sinking in!

[Lvictoria81]

So i was looking threw some old videos of my son on my phone when he was an infant and all I could think about was how I wanna be that mother again and be that happy and feel the same as I did in the videos. Im feeling so low right now because I miss that old me. This me dwells on illnesses that aren't there and all I do is worry about the negatives. My drs said im doing better but I don't. This wave of depression just hit me hard. I want the old me back!!!

[Wyominganxiety]

I developed agoraphobia and I know how you feel I used to be so fun and happy and was always up for anything now I'm lucky if I get out of my house, I wish I could go back and be that girl again I miss the shit outta her... hopefully with treatment we can get back there. Hang in there

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

Yes exactly thats how I feel I hate this so much. I was always so unafraid of everything nothing bothered me but now everything bothers me and everything scares me. Everyday I think is this my last day or what.

[Wyominganxiety in reply to Lvictoria81]

I get in such a rush to get better that I get upset because I feel I should be able to snap out of this.. but I have to slow down and remember that everyday is a form of success. I set an alarm on my phone that goes off everyday that has a positive phrase sounds silly but sometimes I need the reminder to appreciate the small things.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

I used to have a wallpaper set on my phone that I would see everyday that had a postive quote on it but that only lasted for so long.

[Wyominganxiety in reply to Lvictoria81]

I think we have a lot of the same struggles were just to hard on ourselves sometimes. Just keep thinking of all the good times and nor focus on the hard your facing now we have something to look forward to, our children and our recovery

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

Exactly ive been trying to do that everyday. The thoughts just seem to be pushing the good ones out and it tames so much energy out of me to feel happy or at least pretend to be.

[Wyominganxiety in reply to Lvictoria81]

Try not to cover anything don't hide your emotions the more you pretend the more low and guilty you will feel. Just tell yourself ok it's a bad day it won't last I'm going to do everything I need to no matter what!! Before you go to sleep write down what you struggled with the worst today and then wrote 2 ways it could have had a better outcome, then read it tomorrow and see if you can have a more positive thinking about a similar situation

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

Ok ill try that out

[kevoreally in reply to Wyominganxiety]

Im the same way used to be a daredevil now im like bubble boy.. no treatments though for me

[Lvictoria81 in reply to kevoreally]

Yes it's the absolute worst. K can't wait fkr this all to be over.

[Hello2789]

I know exactly how you feel!!! I feel exactly the same when it comes to my daughter when I look back at pictures and videos then it makes me feel like im not good enough and took for granted days where I wasnt has low.

But we need to remember we are and that little person looks at us as their hero and knows we do the best for them. (even when we feel our worst.)

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Hello2789]

Yes. You're absolutely right. I took those good days flr granted so much. I would do anything to have them back again. I worried so little and enjoyed so much. I look at myself in the mirror now and im like why? Why me? Why did I have to have this awful illness. How do I right this.

I do have to admit ive been getting better. Im able to go places and do things but my anxiety still comes back strong and I pay for it the next day.

[Hello2789 in reply to Lvictoria81]

I feel like you've read my mind. Thats exactly what I feel like I tend to ask myself why? And what have I done to deserve to feel so much pain that you just cant explain. Its tough but maybe we put to much pressure on ourselfs and thats why we have so many doubts about our feelings. Who knows, just know your not alone!!!

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Hello2789]

That could possibly be it. I just want it all to go away fast

[Mark1256]

Looking at old pics always pulls at the heart strings. What parent would not feel that way?! It makes me sad looking at videos of when they were kids but there is nothing wrong with looking back for a bit. As the saying goes, u dont live there anymore. Your life has moved on and thats natural. I have 3 kids and miss those days a great deal and so do they when they watch. Natural... But, the future lies a great deal of great memories waiting to happen! YOur life continues and many many more things to experience and do! I spend as much time catching up with my kids whenever they are not working and enjoy my time with them. It doesnt end when they become adults, look at the experiences a parent can have by connecting to the adult your kid has become! Dont dwell in the negative, Move your thoughts to good things and possibilities!

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Mark1256]

Aww your totally right thank u so much

[Hidden]

I miss the old me too...it's like grieving for one you have lost

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Hidden]

Yessss exactly like that

[Hidden in reply to Lvictoria81]

Takes time if ever to get over it

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Hidden]

Hopefully

[Hidden in reply to Lvictoria81]

Well if u ever want to fling past some thoughts or anything I will happily listen help how I can

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much I appreciate it

[Hidden]

You can't go back but only forward, that's a fact. You are a in a state of metamorphosis and you are going to be a different person bad or good. It's up to you too try and find the way out of your larva and be more than you were. You'll always be the person you were but things have changed and so will you. You can rather go with it and change with it, or make it hard and fight it and look back.

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks that's great advice. I'm trying to teach myself acceptance and move on its just a long and slow process.

[Wyominganxiety]

Hey girly!! Just wanted to check and see how you are Today!

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

Hey!! I'm doing ok today not as bad as yesterday. I think I was just at my low yesterday and was reminiscing the good old days

[Wyominganxiety in reply to Lvictoria81]

Glad to hear your doing better!

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

How are u doing today?

[Wyominganxiety in reply to Lvictoria81]

Feeling kinda yucky due to higher dose of my meds, but I know it will go away in a few days . Trying to plan my son's 11 th birthday party for tomorrow so might be some added stress too

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

What type of meds are you on? I know all about birthday planning. My son is turning 6 on november 6th and o have like no time after halloween. I'll be stressing with u

[Wyominganxiety in reply to Lvictoria81]

I'm on 40 mg of citalopram on the 3rd day was upped from 20mg.. my oldest son turns 18 on January 4th then my daughter will be 7 on January 14th ugh lol

[Lvictoria81 in reply to Wyominganxiety]

Oh wow I didn't like those meds. Im on zoloft now 25mg. They upped it to 50mg when this bottle is over. Idk how i feel about this. Lol 10 days apart gosh. I know how it feels I have 2 kids so with Halloween then a birthday then thanksgiving then Christmas and then new years im broke lol

[Wyominganxiety in reply to Lvictoria81]

Yea it's crazy for sure! I was on 20 mg for a month was just over all the side effects hope I don't have them that long again

[Wyominganxiety in reply to Wyominganxiety]

Well side effects for about 2 weeks anyhow