I've had it with my anxiety

Been dealing with this hell since I was 10 and went through several therapists and psychiatrists and 2 different pills(now on sertraline 25mg) and here I am now 23 years old still going through this hellish experience. I've had panic attacks before but thats not my current problem right now. My problems are these two: anxiety triggered by IBS-Diarrhea and extreme dizziness, loss of consciousness, and vomiting triggered by anxiety. Lets start with the dizziness and vomiting. So my mom is back from Chicago for the week and today we went out with mom, her husband, brother, grandma, and my moms friends and family to celebrate my brother's birthday and also to spend time with mom since she is visiting here from Chicago. I was feeling fine before eating but right when I started eating and couple minutes later I started feeling nauseous and dizzy. So before I throw up in front of everyone I just left my seat and ran to the bathroom. The walk to the bathroom felt like a hike. I was so dizzy and lightheaded I could barely see anything. Then when I approached the bathroom door, not being able to tolerate this extreme dizziness, I fell to the floor right in front of the bathroom door. Luckily no one passed by and saw me and I somehow got myself up in about 20 seconds. So I walk in the bathroom by the toilet and just threw up everything that I just ate. I felt better after that. My brother then had to take me home since I couldn't stand being in the restaurant(buffet) anymore. But I still had no idea why my anxiety just popped up out of the blue like that. Its always on weekends I feel this. During the weekdays I'm too busy with work my mind is distracted enough. After today I'm feeling so down. It was the last day I see my mom before she goes back to Chicago and I was supposed to have fun but I ruined it. Same thing happened on my first day of work during orientation.

Then my IBS-Diarrhea... I have a very sensitive stomach and get stomach aches pretty often. Couple months ago I went on a trip to Puerto Rico with family and it was when we were kayaking my stomach started hurting all of a sudden. It was a long ride before landing so I couldn't hold it and had an accident. So after landing I clean myself up and then on the way back to the hotel my second round of diarrhea came. So I had an accident again IN the car. It was the worst day ever. Ever since then I'm afraid to go to places where theres no bathroom nearby so I avoid buses and going in other people cars especially if the destination is far away. So pretty much no where is safe for me in the public.

I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I have a girlfriend of 3.5 years and pretty soon we plan to get married but with this anxiety I'm not so sure its going to last. I still have to see her family, which is in a foreign country, which I am dreading because I know I will get anxious and probably faint and throw up in front of them. Especially because its in a foreign country my stomach won't be cooperating. I've talked to my girlfriend about this and she does support me but she wants me to get over this anxiety and fear eventually. Because of this I dread having kids too but she wants kids. I don't know, if I have to deal with this anxiety for the rest of my life ending everything might be a simple solution... I'm already causing a big burden on everyone anyway.

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3 Replies

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  • You are the furthest thing from a burden. You are loved. This thinking you have is caused from anxiety and depression. Your physical symptoms are awful and I am sorry you are dealing with them. Try seeing a therapist for cognitive behavioral therapy. Then I would suggest getting your Dr to help you get your IBS under control. It's wonderful that you can talk to your girlfriend about this. I hope you feel better! Chin up!

  • Thank you. I searched after seeing your reply and I think I've found a cognitive behavioral therapist. I really hope it works since some therapists in the past I went to didn't really do anything.

  • I hope it works well for you too. It will take patience and practice on your part but it is so beneficial.

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