I planned an amazing out today... there's so much I have to do, a combination of work and play but yesterday something unexpected hit me. I've been going through anxiety my whole life, as a 10-year old, I would get panic attacks often and as a 19-year old there was a time when I would have panic attacks 5 times a day. I went through something traumatic so it's understandable that my body couldn't cope. But, this never stopped me from doing things. I often would feel like dying and I cry a lot because most of the time I'd be confused but I never want my anxiety to ruin my life. I'm such an outgoing person and there are so many things I want to do. And throughout this anxiety, I did it. I managed to do it. I went through life with anxiety.
But, yesterday was different and I'm honestly scared. I found a thread on here that started something like "I feel so weak and my body feels like shutting down". That thread describes how I felt. On Tuesday night, I felt something similar to vertigo. But, it's highly unlikely for me to get vertigo because I'm only 21. And on Wednesday, I just felt weak like I might fall down. But on Thursday (yesterday), I was on a train and I felt heart palpations (it felt like my heart was dropping inside me), super weak like it was hard to get up and walk, and as I was walking I felt my weight of my body, yet my head felt light-headed. And of course, I got really, really anxious. I felt like I was going to die and I had some sort of terminal illness. Or my liver or kidney was failing.
It's ridiculous that I feel this way but I'll be okay... I'm still going to go to that interview and the party. Worst come to worst, I faint. But I am not going to shut myself in a hole even though this new-form of anxiety that I'm experiencing is literally following me. This is almost like a horror movie. When I share how I feel with friends, they all say "rest", UHM I'VE RESTED ENOUGH.
Anyway, I'm happy I found this thread. It gives me hope. Things will get better. Trust.