I lost all hope

[mindovermatter03]

Hey guys i cant tell you how im feeling because i lost all hope im numb.... I was feeling ok this morning but than all of a sudden i felt this emotion of panic, ive been dealing with anxiety for a while now but something tells me theres something more. I have these thoughts in my head that constantly scare me that i will go crazy lose it or go insane it scares me so much that my whole entire body shakes. Well i had one of those at work today i came home and layed down and felt worse my mind was racing with all these thoughts i started trembeling with fear my heart racing my hands and feet cold. Now i cant get out of bed i started crying im numb hopeless... Im scared to even end my own life but i dont see light at the end of the tunnel... I fear schizophrenia psychosis losing it and going mad doing very irrational things like screaming and running like a wild person. Im so overwhlemed. I think this is the cherry on top i think i have finally had a mental breakdown. I dont even think i want people to help me anymore. In the past i was able to rationalize and calm myself donw and make me feel at peace but now i dont at all and thats what kills me... I know the only person that can make you feel better is yourself but i cant anymore. Again i dont want to end my own life but this anxiety attack was soooo bad!!

[mindovermatter03]

And i do have a therapist but that doesnt seem to work

[Beth1982]

Are you on any medications? 

[mindovermatter03 in reply to Beth1982]

No none... My therapist diagnosed me with mild anxiety but than how did this escalate I must be suffering from some depression as well but i dont feel i have depression everyday if that makes sense. Im just tired of this fight 

[Beth1982 in reply to mindovermatter03]

All of it makes sense. I didn't think I had depression either but looking back I did. I recently just had a "huge" breakdown and honestly I'm not back to normal or really even out of the "woods". I'm still learning everyday and I'm still anxious on and off all day.  I literally have to tell myself all day that I'm not dying. 

[mindovermatter03 in reply to Beth1982]

Its the worst because im pretty sure we were in some point in our life living normally but this is like a train hitting you

[Beth1982 in reply to mindovermatter03]

Yes, I feel like one day I was functioning normally and now I'm not working or driving. I need to be normal again.