Truly petrified.: I suffer severe anxiety... - Anxiety Support

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Truly petrified.

samjam1992 profile image
21 Replies

I suffer severe anxiety, health anxiety mostly. Anyway had been feeling great for a few months and then over the past week I've been getting anxious again. Anyway last night I ended up having a complete breakdown because I couldn't cope feeling like this anymore. My mind didn't want to do anything and I don't want to leave my kids but in my gut I had this horrible scared feeling I was going to do something silly, begged my husband to make sure I didn't do anything cos i didn't want to but I just had this horrible horrible overwhelming fear in my stomach that I would. Went to the gp today and he gave me 5mg diazepam to take twice a day and gave me antidepressants again and has referred me back to the psychiatrist... I've always feared of dying and leaving my kids so having they feelings last night has scared me more than anything else in the world.. I haven't ate for 4 days except I managed a slice of pizza tonight which I then ultimately ended up with watery bowel movement half an hour later. I'm now terrified of that feeling happening again because I don't want to ever feel like that again. I'm genuinely terrified of feeling like that again because I thought I was losing my mind and was so scared in case I did something silly when I really didn't want to. Please tell me I'm not alone.. how can I make sure that feeling doesn't happen again. I love my children and my husband more than words can say and I can't bare the thought of leaving them. I'm just so scared.

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samjam1992
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21 Replies
Francesca-H profile image
Francesca-H

i know how your feeling 😓.i suffer with serve health anixety..i have got myself in a complete mess tonight i even turned round to my sister on the phone and said i cannot do this anymore...obviously I wouldn't do anything because I'm scared of dying but just having to deal with the anxiety itself is to much.

i hope the medication helps you...its definitely worth seeing someone. they are fantastic in how they can train your brain to think differently 😀

samjam1992 profile image
samjam1992 in reply toFrancesca-H

I'm sorry your going through this aswell it's such a horrible thing. It's just the overwhelming fear that they feelings were there in the first place is what I can't stop obsessing over. Yeah I'm hoping the referral goes through quickly so I can get the cbt started. I've did emdr and that helped a lot so I'm willing to try cbt. I'm going to take diazepam after a hot bath and hope it helps the racing heart so I can get to sleep then tomorrow morning I'm going to start taking the anti depressants and just hope hope they help and I don't get many side effects.

Francesca-H profile image
Francesca-H in reply tosamjam1992

yeah overwhelming fear that stays around...CBT is amazing im just on my last of 6 privately...but my NHS therpy starts on Friday which is for 16 session as it that bad...your find it really does help you hun. hopefully you don't have to wait too long

ill keep my fingers crossed you don't get many side effects and they start to take effect asap for you

samjam1992 profile image
samjam1992 in reply toFrancesca-H

Thank you, I'm glad your having a good experience and I hope it continues to help you. Have you been on medication for the anxiety ?

Thank you, taking the medication is going to be an achievement on its own as the side effects always scare me too much and most of the time I don't take them. Xx

Francesca-H profile image
Francesca-H in reply tosamjam1992

hehe I know I remember reading the whole side effect page and ringing up the doctors to double check they were ok to take...yeah i was on 20mg of Citralopram which was uped to r0mg but I just don't feel its working...im also on beta blockers for when the anxiety is really bad.

the only side effect i had was vivid dreams but that passed over a number of weeks...what have the doctors given you? xx

samjam1992 profile image
samjam1992 in reply toFrancesca-H

Maybe it's something different you need, I've heard a lot of people say citalopram doesn't work for them. I get nightmares most nights when I can finally get to sleep so I probably wouldn't notice if they made me have dreams. I've been given 70mg venaflaxin to take in the morning and at night. I've heard some good thing but read some bad things as well so I'm quite worried but I know I need to at least try them because I don't want to feel like this anymore. Xxx

Lvictoria81 profile image
Lvictoria81

Ive had the same feelings for a lomg time and I onky acted upon it once and once inrealozed what i did I sent myself away. That was back in 2012. To this day I have never dome that again. I am back to that all time low but I know in will never self harm again. My children mean the world to me and I need them more then they need me if thays even possible. That was the only way I could control that horrible thought it lasted for a very long time almost the whole month of august. I was put back on meds which is Prozac and day 3 im feeling a lot better. I know its going to take time but I'm trying for my babies. I have severe health health anxiety and gosh knows what else I'm still waiting on a psychiatrist.

samjam1992 profile image
samjam1992 in reply toLvictoria81

I'm so sorry that your going through this as well. It's such a horrible illness. I hope your medication continues to help and you can overcome this. Thank you for telling me about your experience and I truly hope you can overcome this. Xx

Lvictoria81 profile image
Lvictoria81 in reply tosamjam1992

Thank you so much! I'm hoping for the best that's all that I can do right? Ive overcame this illness before it just wasn't as bad so im hoping I can do it again!

PhillyW profile image
PhillyW

Www.anxietynomore.co.uk I would strongly suggest you give this website a read. I had the exact same thoughts and feelings a couple of months back after doing really well and the website hugely helped.

samjam1992 profile image
samjam1992 in reply toPhillyW

Thank you. I'll give this a try.

PhillyW profile image
PhillyW in reply tosamjam1992

How're you getting on Sam?

Janebee profile image
Janebee

Hi samjam1992 you are certainly not alone with those horrible feeling that your getting,I was the same in fact I was frozen stiff and petrified to move and kept getting the feeling that something really bad was going to happen I dident want to be left alone I was that terrified I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep and my body was so exhausted with not sleeping or eating and I lost 3 stone in weight I was like a walking skeleton so are not going crazy it is that horrible disease that takes over your body and it creeps in when you least exspect it try and do some deep breathing exsersizes to see if that might help you there are also meditation on YouTube you could try I know everything is easier said than done I have been where you are you are just looking for that magic pill to take everything away I just wish there was one for this nasty anxiety I will be thinking of you and don't suffer alone there is always help on this sight if you want to talk to somebody all my love Janebee xx

Victoria15 profile image
Victoria15

I can relate to you on many levels. I too fear of dying and leaving my children. May I ask what you meant by you were afraid of doing something you didn't want to do.

I can go a month or two and feel fine and them pow anxiety takes over. It sucks. Please take the meds and learn some techniques to lower your anxiety. I do breathing techniques and try to do things that keep me busy. Talking to my husband helps. Talk about anything just to give your mind time to settle. Being in my own head is a scary place.

Seeing your gp and a therapist is a good start. Just take each day at a time.

samjam1992 profile image
samjam1992 in reply toVictoria15

My mind was telling me I didn't want to leave my children but down in my gut I had this overwhelming fear that I would do something stupid to myself but not meaning to if that makes sense. X

samjam1992 profile image
samjam1992

I'm struggling today. Took my first dose of venlafaxine 2 hours ago and my heart is racing, had loose stools and recthing but no sickness came. Anxiety seems A lot worse today. I just want to feel better but this is horrible.

Autumnsa profile image
Autumnsa in reply tosamjam1992

I've been on venlafaxine for 3 years. It definitely is rough when first starting but it was truly a life saver for me. It's gonna take about a month or so for you to start feeling different. Don't give up on it.

samjam1992 profile image
samjam1992 in reply toAutumnsa

This was my first dose of 37.5mg and had loose stools, constant wrenching but not vomit actually coming out. Heart racing like mad, sweating, pupils are huge and just feel really really tired. Took 5mg diazepam about an hour ago and my hearts stopped racing but I still feel really tired and sick. My anxiety seems so much worse today since taking that 1 dose. I dread taking another tonight. Was suppose to start on 70mg but decided to start on half doses first. Back to see my gp on 18th September. I just want to feel better.

Tonyhope profile image
Tonyhope

Your not alone,axiety is real, but your mind is much stronger than you think, you have to reprogram your brain an as my girlfriend says" push through it" I was suffering from the worse of the worse of anxiety,its just a mental illness that you can reverse if you reprogram your thinking God loves you an so does your new brother Tony(me) take care

menagerie11 profile image
menagerie11

Develop a safety plan for yourself so that if you do feel like that again, you have a plan to follow: who can you call, where can you go, what can you do, etc. in a crisis. If you are depressed, consider joining a support group in addition to the psychiatrist. Try to find a therapist who specializes in health anxiety. I am seeing one and it is helping. Facing our fears makes them dwindle, so he has me write out stories about various scenarios related to my health anxiety. This is not an easy thing to do and you might want to do it under the support and guidance of a trained specialist. There is no guarantee that the feeling won't happen again - that is why you need to be pro-active and have a plan in place just in case it does - which I hope it doesn't....BUT DEVELOP THE PLAN. Share the plan with your husband and let him know where it is. In an emergency, call 911 and tell them that you are suicidal and need some help right away...or, get to a hospital. It isn't easy to deal with severe health anxiety or fear of death, but it can be done and you can recover.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply tomenagerie11

menagerie11, I like that idea a lot in having a plan of action for when you are in a crisis mode. That is not the time to be wondering where to go, what to do.

thanks for sharing. xx

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