How do I go on

[Jodz]

My niece caught a terrible germ 2 years ago this July . Necrotising Fasciitis is a horrid thing . Lee should never servived but she did , she fought and jumped hurdles . In ICU for 53 days , in a comma fir half of that . Skin grafts 30 plus operations and she lost her leg but Lee continued to fight . Xmas just gone we all noticed she wasn't herself . Lee was diagnosed with servr anxiety , panic attacks and bipolar . Lee was now having another fight . In and out of mental health hospitals etc etc . So much love and support . But Tuesday night I got the worst phone call ever . Lee committed suicide . The demons won. 35 years old . Me like my sister and all the families are just numb, shock , disbelief . But you know what she wasn't selfish as she tried . I just got home long ago and my heat is breaking . We bury our beautiful girl next Friday . So far my anxiety is ok but waiting for the punge .

[Bljanise]

My mom died two weeks ago from the same disease, she barely made it out the first surgery. My dad admitted he gave up on life just prior and coded in CCU, but he survived. My body feels like it's literally dying from the stress and anxiety. I don't know how you feel but I can imagine. The amount of pain and sacrifice your neice had to go through, even just to think about suicide is unimaginable. Trust God. He's there for you, to give you the tools you need to get past the grief. But also remember to live your life in honor of your neice.

[Jodz in reply to Bljanise]

Thanx Bijanise so bloody hard . You would be still devistated by your mums loss I'm so sorry .

[blackcat64013]

Hi Jodz,

Thank you for sharing with the forum.

The "thing" you are dealing with is grief.

Grief is a natural response to losing someone who's important to you. You may feel a variety of emotions, like sadness or loneliness. Grief has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, and philosophical affects.

Grief is expressed in many ways and it can affect every part of your life; your emotions, thoughts and behaviour, beliefs, physical health, your sense of self and identity, and your relationships with others.

Grief can leave you feeling sad, angry, anxious, shocked, regretful, relieved, overwhelmed, isolated, irritable or numb.

Grief has no set pattern. Everyone experiences grief differently. Some people may grieve for weeks and months, while others may describe their grief lasting for years. Through the process of grief, however, you begin to create new experiences and habits that work around your loss.

Getting through grief and loss

is something that takes time to work through. While everyone finds their own way to grieve. It really is important to have the support of friends and family or someone else, and to talk about your loss when you need to.

You can do some things to help yourself

•Don’t be afraid to ask for help

•Talk to friends and family about how you are feeling, or consider joining a support group

•Take care of your physical health. Grieving can be exhausting, so it's important to eat a healthy diet, exercise and sleep

•Manage stress – lighten your load by asking friends, family members or work colleagues to help you with some chores or commitments. Relaxation and gentle exercise can be helpful

Do things you enjoy, even if you don’t really feel like doing them.

You may have to help a person who is experiencing grief and loss.

Many people do not know what to say or do when trying to comfort someone who is grieving. Often it is the simple offer of love and support that is the most important.

•Ask how they're feeling. Each day can be different for someone who is grieving; take the time to listen and understand what they are going through.

•Talk about everyday life too. Their loss and grief does not have to be the focus of all your conversations.

•Ask them how you can help. A few home cooked meals, doing the shopping, or perhaps offering to go walking or do something enjoyable with them can all help someone through their grief.

•Encourage them to seek professional support if their grief does not seem to be easing over time.

Is it depression?

Grief and depression are quite different but they can appear similar as they can both lead to feelings of intense sadness, insomnia, poor appetite and weight loss. Depression stands out from grief as being more persistent, with constant feelings of emptiness and despair and a difficulty feeling pleasure or joy.

If you notice that depression symptoms continue, or your grief begins to get in the way of how you live, work, share relationships or live day-to-day, then it's important to get support or professional help.

I will be thinking of you as you come to terms with your loss.

[Jodz]

Blackcat is 64013 yes grief is the worst . I lost my mother coming up 3 years on the 15 th July and my best friend will be 2 years in November . Now my beautiful niece . Yes it's horrible I feel just so low . But THANKYOU fir sharing it with me . Was great to read