How do I cope with my sister cutting me off?

[millerlou80]

I have been suffering with anxiety on and off for years but it has been worse the last couple of years. It has mainly affected my work life (my last job caused me to have bad anxiety and panic attacks as it was really stressful and I couldn't cope so they had to let me go) as well as my relationship with my partner.

I am feeling really low at the moment and on edge because my sister, who I have always been very close to, has decided to cut me out of her life with no explanation. She stopped speaking to my mum almost a year ago as our mum is not the easiest person to deal with. My sister had enough of her, but chose to cut mum off without any explanation and subsequently, mum was upset and turned to me for support. At the time, I was going through a really bad patch with my anxiety and felt it was all too much. I tried numerous times to try and persuade my sister to at least face mum and tell her to her face how she felt - so that mum would perhaps accept that and move on.

My sister wouldn't and I then became very distant with her, because although I could understand her reasons (because I felt the same towards mum), I couldn't help but feel resentment for her letting me deal with mum on my own and with having to deal with all the stress of the rift when I was going through a rough patch with my anxiety.

I have not heard from my sister for almost 3 months now, no word of why exactly - nothing and not only is it really frustrating, I am finding that it is really starting to affect my mental health. I have not been able to face going into work the last few days because I feel so upset. My partner and I have just bought a house which we are currently renovating, but I don't feel happy about it because this dreadful situation is taking over my life and I just want to be able to move on from this as I know it may never get resolved.

I wondered if anyone else has had to deal with being cut off from a close family member and how you dealt with it?

Thanks,

[Hidden]

hi millerlio,i think your sister is really thoughtless leaving you alone with this awful predicament with your mam, so much for family sticking together, I have never been in your situation before but I think you must take time out to look after yourself first for a change if your sister has never had anxiety she just wont know how you are feeling, lets hope she comes to her senses and contacts you and maybe then you can clear the air with her, sorry can"t offer any more advice, I really hope things work out for you. your mam, and sister, take care xx .

[Hidden]

Hi

I went through a family rift for two years & its awful & I feel for you , when you suffer with anxiety as well , this really adds to it

The way I dealt with it & I cant say it was easy , but I knew I had done nothing wrong , same as when I read your blog , you have done nothing wrong , I sent Birthday , Xmas cards , doing the right thing as I saw it eventually they came back & even admitted they had done wrong , yes 2 years was a long time to wait , but i am a big believer if you do whats right , things will come good in the end

Have you tried writing a letter & saying how you feel & what this has done to you & just finish with "my door is always open & hope when you are ready you will walk through again "

Mean while i no its hard , but see your hubby as the most important person , mine was there wiping my tears all the way through & to be honest , I did realise even though it was awful what I was going through how lucky i was to have him

Keep talking & I hope like for me they come round

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Hidden]

Hi There

Im in a similar situation with my son, he has stopped talkin to me and I dont really know why I can only summise....... this is worse than having an argument or disagreement.....

Have you thought about going for some sort of counselling..... it is like a grief that you are going through cos its a loss, plus you have to cope with your mum on your own.....

Maybe worth thinking about so that you can try and enjoy life with your partner again??

Love Kerry x

[copdber]

If you feel you could write her a letter explaining how you feel and telling her how much you miss her then I do think that would be the way to go with her. There migh be a good reason why this has happned maybe she her self is having problems. Could she have mental health problems, finincial problems or relationship problems. Such a pitty she didn't open up to you and just cut you out.

[Hidden]

I think you could get back on terms with your sister if you could leave your mum out of it. Just agree to differ and sort out your own relationship with her. This will be very different from your mums relationship with you and her.

My mother tried for many years to turn me against my dad. In the end I told her that her relationship with her husband was up to her but my relationship with him was as a daughter which is very different and I could love them both without slighting her.

Bev x

[anonee]

I've something similar and I just hope it works out in the end. We had a super close, loving tight knit family. Loved having my older sis around. She eventually got new partner who was the insecure, possessive type, and together they starting cutting my mother out and framing her for this and that. Basically feeding off each others negativity... lots happened over a period of a few years, and eventually once had kids found whatever excuse there was to frame our mother as an awful person and cut her out. Me and my other siblings spoke up in protest, in the nicest way possible, and were verbally abused, our words twisted, blatant lies created, us blamed and cut out as well. Told never to step foot in their house again, not told about births, cards and presents sent back, eventually entire family wiped out even those who didn't get involved.

What can I do? Love my sis, so many good memories. But seems like will never see her again or meet my little relatives again. It's like a total personality change on her part.

I've been blocked on all social media sites from her, blocked from her phone, they moved house and we got no address, they not in phone directory. Only thing I have is an old email address but doubt she'll read... and I have no idea what to say as already sent apologies after apologies waaay back even though I don't think I did anything wrong to begin with....

It's been almost two years now for me, think of her and the kids every day.

Just hoping someone on this thread has a good news story to share as to how they managed to deal/resolve this kind of situation. It's really shocked my entire family, and the impact on my mother is huge, it's like my sis has died to her, who was probs once her favourite kid (even though would never admit it to us haha).

[texan888 in reply to anonee]

I have the exact same problem. Been almost a year since ive seen or heard from my sister along with my niece and nephew. I Think of them everyday. How do you cope with this im losing it

[paintedpony]

I'm sorry that you are (were? this is an old post) feeling upset. I have a different perspective from other people who replied. Your mom and sister's relationship and problems are theirs to work out. Although I'm sure you meant well when you tried 'numerous times' to get your sister to make amends with your mother, you were out of line. In dysfunctional family terminology, you would be labeled a 'flying monkey', who is someone intervening in a relationship, usually persuaded to intervene by the dysfunctional family member (in this case, probably your mother) My guess is that your sister had already asked your mother many times to stop a toxic behavior(s) and your mother chose not to 'hear' her. And then your sister felt that in order to preserve her own well-being, she had no option other than to remove herself from your mother's presence. (also called 'going No Contact') Then you started in on her. I would also guess that your sister requested you stop intervening, and when you did not, she again felt that removing herself from your presence was her only resort.

Also: It is not your job to take care of your mother. Her emotional well being is her responsibility. She can find support elsewhere, she is an adult, she is the parent. Please take care of yourself, and make your needs a priority--not your mother's needs.