Hi everybody. This is my second post. I've been suffering for anxiety disorder since I was 10, I'm now 21 (will be 22 in 19 days😁). When I was 10, my cousins died bcs of bomb terror. Since that, I was afraid to go to public places and even another scary moments, example: storms, lightning, earthquakes, etc. My other fear is my own/loved ones death. If my fam was sick, even if it only a fly, I would be super panic. Really2 panic and worry and anxious. But it only lasted for two years bcs of I was busy with school.
Unfortunately, this anxiety comes back since I was graduated last March. I was graduated as a best student, I'm a hardworker and always force myself to be a perfect woman. I know this isn't healthy but I enjoy the satisfaction I got. Since I was graduated, I have nothing to do. Yes, I try to look for some jobs but this anxiety is more powerful and always affected my psychology test/work interview.
At first I an anxious and obsessed with my own health. I have health anxiety. But after I think about it, what I fear the most is death. My anxiety become worse after I realized that my big fear is death. Then, I often make a wrong conclusion and think irrationally. For example, when my boyf looks at me, it means I'm about to die bcs he wanna see me for the last time. Another example is when I'm hugged, it means the person who hugs me feel that I'm going to die therefore he/she hugs me. I also avoid wearing black shirt cause it is usually wore at the funural. I also avoid number 4, I don't wanna send 4 messages, don't wanna eat 4 different kind of food at the same time, etc. Bcs there's a belief that 4 is a number of death. I also got some nightmares about death. I'm so scared.
Anyone pls help me 😰😭
*PS: sorry for the grammatical mistakes, Eng is not my main language.