Magical Thinking Intrusive Thoughts (OCD)

[Francine23]

Hi everybody. This is my second post. I've been suffering for anxiety disorder since I was 10, I'm now 21 (will be 22 in 19 days😁). When I was 10, my cousins died bcs of bomb terror. Since that, I was afraid to go to public places and even another scary moments, example: storms, lightning, earthquakes, etc. My other fear is my own/loved ones death. If my fam was sick, even if it only a fly, I would be super panic. Really2 panic and worry and anxious. But it only lasted for two years bcs of I was busy with school.

Unfortunately, this anxiety comes back since I was graduated last March. I was graduated as a best student, I'm a hardworker and always force myself to be a perfect woman. I know this isn't healthy but I enjoy the satisfaction I got. Since I was graduated, I have nothing to do. Yes, I try to look for some jobs but this anxiety is more powerful and always affected my psychology test/work interview.

At first I an anxious and obsessed with my own health. I have health anxiety. But after I think about it, what I fear the most is death. My anxiety become worse after I realized that my big fear is death. Then, I often make a wrong conclusion and think irrationally. For example, when my boyf looks at me, it means I'm about to die bcs he wanna see me for the last time. Another example is when I'm hugged, it means the person who hugs me feel that I'm going to die therefore he/she hugs me. I also avoid wearing black shirt cause it is usually wore at the funural. I also avoid number 4, I don't wanna send 4 messages, don't wanna eat 4 different kind of food at the same time, etc. Bcs there's a belief that 4 is a number of death. I also got some nightmares about death. I'm so scared.

Anyone pls help me 😰😭

*PS: sorry for the grammatical mistakes, Eng is not my main language.

[Finglas-Boy]

Hi Francine; I know exactly what you feel like re being in an environment around explosions, bombing, gunfire. Whilst my experiences have been some time ago I still jump my back to a wall if a car backfires. I feel there's a difference between fearing death & accepting death. I think it will happen when I least expect it so there's nothing I can do to change that. Accepting different things cause anxiety & superstition may also help. eg I always put my left football boot on 1st & touch grass when I'm out of the tunnel. But I also make a point of walking under ladders rather than avoiding them. What I try to say is my life is a gamble or lottery meaning always expect the unexpected - even death. It may take time but you can come to accept this. Have you spoken with your boyfriend ?

[Francine23 in reply to Finglas-Boy]

Thank you for replying.

This is very distressing, I'm terrified. Sorry to hear that. And I'm strangely also glad that u feel the same about some weird things u believe and u have to do. I have problem with my parents and I think that's why I'm afraid to die. I also tend to think about the worst scenarios.

Yes, I've talked to him about me suffering with OCD but no about the intrusive thoughts about death/dying. I'm afraid it will happen soon if I tell him. Sounds stupid but that's what I feel.

[Finglas-Boy in reply to Francine23]

You really should try to talk with your boyfriend. If he doesn't want to talk about your feelings, then whatever happens at least you will feel secure that you've tried. Much of my superstition/belief has been with me since I was young & growing up in the West of Ireland. Many of us accept that "whatever will be will be" & that helps.