I really need some help.
I've struggled with anxiety/panic/depression since I was 12 (I'm 21 now). I've only recently read about intrusive thoughts and I think that's a big issue for me. I get disgusting thoughts. They make me physically sick sometimes and it keeps me up at night. It's anything from seeing my parents die to disgusting thoughts of children. When they come into my mind, it's like I'm screaming at them to muffle it but it's like there's some kind of demon in my mind forcing me to see it? I can't explain it.. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with being sexually abused as a young child. I never told anyone about it. I couldn't. But I read a few years ago that those who were sexually abused as a child are more likely to go on to be paedophiles. Since then those images have added to the list of disgusting things I see.
My mind is like a film reel of images and thoughts and it's just racing constantly and I don't know how to just shut it off so I can be myself. I can just about deal with the anxiety and depression because it's just become the daily routine now. But these thoughts are just so hard to try and block out. They put me off my food. I can't be intimate with my girlfriend because I have thoughts of when I was abused and it all feels too weird. I don't know what to do.