So lately I've had a better handle of my panick attacks, but it seems that when I try to fix one thing, something else comes up. I can't seem to escape my mind from negative thoughts. I guess all the negativity I push down to try not to get overwhelmed I end up doing so anyway when I fall into a state of complete sadness and hopelessness. I get scared of the feelings of derealization, but mostly scared of death. I feel as if at any moment I will drop dead. I'm tired of always checking my pulse, focusing on my breathing which causes shallow breaths and makes me even more concerned, but it's become a habit that I can't seem to break from. At the end when I think about it, it brings me back to the first time I had an anxiety attack. It was mostly caused from stressed. I wish I didn't have to go through this because it sucks all the joy from everyday life.