Social Anxiety

[saragrace160]

Hey guys,

I just joined this. I wanted to post an initial post to sort of introduce myself. I haven't always had social anxiety the way I do now, but I spent over 3 years in a verbally abusive and controlling relationship with a narcissist. He had a cocaine addiction and lashed out at me every day, over almost every insignificant and minor thing I did, everything I said, how I did things, when I went to bed, when I woke up, what I wanted to eat, how many hours I worked, etc etc. Nothing I ever did was right in his eyes, and this went on for years. He isolated me from everyone, I even got yelled at for talking to my mom on the phone once a month. I finally gained the strength and confidence to leave him when he smashed a bottle of wine outside my door and tried breaking into my window.

We broke up almost 4 years ago, but I have this major fight-or-flight anxiety whenever I'm around people now. I feel like I'm going to be verbally berated or attacked at any moment. Even though no one is currently in my life who treats me so horribly, I have this irrational fear that I'm going to get abused for the tiniest mistakes. I know I'm a good person and I'm doing nothing wrong, but I feel like now I just have a fear of people in general. I still go to work, I still text friends, but I don't ever hang out with people. The anxiety at the thought of being verbally abused or treated that way again makes me sweat profusely, I have to go to the bathroom at least a dozen times per shift just to take deep breaths, think calming thoughts, and wipe the frickin sweat off my armpits. It's so stupid. I know no one can hurt me unless I allow it, but the problem is that I already allowed it with ex for so long that now it feels like I'm this helpless victim and I'm afraid of being hurt again. Not just by guys, by everybody. I fear my boss, my coworkers, my mom, my sister, everyone. I don't know how to get over this.

I just want to be normal and comfortable around others. The only time I'm truly able to relax is when I'm alone in my room. I miss being able to be myself around others, to feel comfortable having conversations, etc. I'm better when I'm drinking but it's still there. So idk. Thank you for listening <3

[blackcat64013]

Hi Saragrace160,

Welcome to your forum.

Wikipedia has a great article about the psychological trauma experiences by victims of abuse and some options for treatment.

Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is the tool I used to overcome workplace bullying. Even though I have left the situation, it doesn't take much to fire up the nervous system. I am considerably better and maybe I will never get over it. I am stlll hopeful

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psych...

[saragrace160 in reply to blackcat64013]

Thank you! I will definitely look over that article. Did you go to therapy? The thought of opening up to someone who I don't know in an office is sort of intimidating...

[Celtic27]

Hi there sara grace im sorry that this jerk got into your head so much that hes still causing you problems ! You sound like a strong women who with the rigjt help can get better from this just tell your self your way better in your self and can and will fo better ! Regards being around others try exposing your self to a busy environment ie a shopping mall and build up the time in increments of a half a hout at a time and in time you will not notice it bothers you ! Try talking to those around you that you can trust to talk at length about your problems support will help you a lot ! I truely hope things get better for you soon david !

[saragrace160 in reply to Celtic27]

Thank you so much david

[Celtic27 in reply to saragrace160]

I wish you all the best take care david