Battling "fear": I know some refer to it as... - Anxiety Support

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Battling "fear"


I know some refer to it as anxiety but I feel fear. It is often worse when I'm alone & today my husband is away all day. I feel so disappointed in myself that I cannot control this horrible feeling. If asked to describe it I'd have a difficult time putting it into words. Simply, I'm afraid. Afraid something is going to happen to me, especially since I'm alone. I have tried to keep at chores to curtail the thinking but the shakes and fear are strong. I feel like a failure that a person of my age who has battled this for so long (and is still here) can't get a grip. I feel I'm between a rock and a hard place. I am afraid to live and I'm terrified to die. Pathetic. Sorry to have unloaded on you, I just needed "someone" to talk to for a few minutes. I'm going to go try to find odd jobs to keep me going for the rest of the day.

18 Replies

If u need anyone to talk to give me a message!! X

kama24 in reply to Krasykat

message sent

Utterly understand your fear. You are not alone. And as much as I've been through the spirals enough, I know the feelings of defeat and disappointment and ashamed to still be going through the motions. Keep on keeping on. I myself have made that vow to keep on keeping on and to not let it hold me down all day and not continue in my usual or daily routine unless I physically cant move. I know it's hard. But keep on keeping on. I wish us the best.

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I say "one day at a time". It boggles my mind that I cannot just "turn off" the daily fear it is using up my life. I guess the mind is a strong organ. Maybe one day we will over come our fears and start to enjoy life again.

I'm sorry I seem to get these emails many hours after people's initial posts so I guess you are out of the woods and your husband is home by now. Wish I could have helped comfort you in real time.

I am assuming you've been through therapy and tried different strategies to help you, since you said you've been living with anxiety for a while. Please don't ever feel ashamed of yourself for feeling afraid. You got to this place of fear for valid reasons. Things happened in your life that shaped this feeling you're having now along with the accompanying physical symptoms. Don't give up on yourself and have faith that you can get to a place where you'll feel calmer, but don't pressure yourself or create expectations that will reinforce feelings of hopelessness should you not meet them within a certain timeframe. Don't set yourself up for failure.

Can I tell you what helped me immensely, along with CBT? "The Fear Cure" by Lisa Rankin. I cannot say enough good things about this book. It is the most reassuring, calming, and peaceful thing I have ever read. I am agnostic so talking about God, Jesus and heaven doesn't comfort me, and reading this book felt like what it must feel like when a God-believer reads the Bible. The book has nothing to do with God but it does becomes a little bit too spiritual (for my taste) by the end so you may or may not want to read the whole thing. Anyway, she writes about how we often believe that we are alone in the world and then provides us with a whole bunch of darn good reasons to show us why that belief is a fallacy. Then she discusses what she terms "false fears" and how they can point you to areas of your life that need attention, which makes these fears valuable tools rather than feelings to be ashamed of. Kind of like pain. It sucks to experience it but it can save your life.

Just a really easy, comforting, beautiful read that makes alot of sense. Give it a go you've got nothing to lose.

kama24 in reply to Miniwheats

Thanks so much for your comforting words. I had battled anxiety in my youth, then improved with meds during middle age. Everything blew up when I went off of Paxil and the withdrawal symptoms. It's 4 yrs now of living daily fear. Yes, I imagine if you named it I've tried it, even accupuncture. I still go to group meetings 2x a month. I just ordered a new book suggested, Beautifying the Beast Within. The therapist recomended it. I will write down the name of the one you suggested. I feel like such a drag on my husband and daughter. I try every morning to talk myself straight. I don't have much luck. Yesterday was the worse in a long time. I was glad when hubby got home at 7pm. It was a long day.

I feel the same way you do and it a terrible thing I'm at the doctors now asking for help

kama24 in reply to Lozcarter

I hope your doctor can suggest something to be of help for you. I often feel so alone in this and then I see the posts on this blog.

Hi Kama24, how r u feeling today. I hope things are going ok for you. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I myself get into terrible panic/anxiety states especially when I know I’m in alone all day. That’s where I find this forum helpful as talking to someone via this site calms me down & you realise how many people are feeling in the same situation. Please feel free to talk to me anytime & we can share experiences x

kama24 in reply to Arlene99

Thank you for asking how I am today. Certainly much better than yesterday! It is very seldom I fee NO anxiety or fear. I try reasoning with myself but apparently I don't listen! One thing about this site is that no one ever mocks you or gives curt answers like "get over it!". I don't think people fully understand what it is like battling something such as panic and anxiety. Mine has been a life long battle and the past 4 yrs. I've been on the losing end. I have tried just about everything I've heard of or read about but to no avail. I'm thankful today I'm not in FULL panic mode, including morbid thoughts. Take care.

I fully understand what ur saying, I would say I have been experiencing it for about 30 years now, although the past 5 years have been more downs than ups. It’s an uphill struggle, but just got to keep fighting. This forum is so helpful, I find when I’m conversing with people on here it defo helps. I’m feeling a little better tonight, but I don’t want to go to bed & wake up feeling awful’s a constant battle, I live with my husband, but he doesn’t understand as he has a totally laid back outlook on life. Hope u continue to feel better, it’s a great feeling to wake up and not have the fear. Take care for now xx

kama24 in reply to Arlene99

Thank you so much. All of this big flare up started when I went off of Paxil after 16 yea. It was a living nightmare for about 3 months and I endured constant nausea 24/7 for a year, then the FEAR soared up. My husband has a great attitude towards living but he does try to talk to me and comfort me. I'd give anything to again wake up and look forward to a bright new day. I think a lot...too much! I often wonder why there are so many i.e. in this forum who have never found a "cure"? We struggle with each day. I have a very morbid fear of death so I'm afraid to live, afraid to die. What a situation. I do enjoy it to the fullest if I get a not too bad day. Take care.

I started feeling the same about 13 years ago and I am 53 now. Hormones start changing in our 30's and some women are much more sensitive to changes. I always feel better when my kids come home to visit and my fiance and I take turns staying at each others house. I did get a Double Doodle and it has really helped and I will stay alone at night. Not sure how old you are but I did get on the patch. Some doctors have made me feel like I need a psychiatrist and I get offended because I was perfectly normal until my hormones decided to make a rollercoaster ride. Your not alone and I started watching ASMR videos and this helps me relax. I watch Emma Whispers but there are many out there. If these videos calm you then you are one of the sensitive people out there. These videos are intended to relax you but it doesn't work for everyone. Good luck and i hope things improve remember just take one day at a time!

kama24 in reply to chamonix0522

Thank you for your kind response. I had no issues when my hormones started to change. I am 71 now. I'm starting a new book recommended in a therapy group I attend. I have a constant fear of death and that's one you can't really face head on like if you are afraid of crowds or flying etc. It just feels like there is no answer available for the constant fear other than doing your best to try to get through each new day.

chamonix0522 in reply to kama24


It is very interesting that this started later for you and not during perimenopause. I certainly sympathize and not sure how to make it better for you except you may still have many years. I know several people who passed very young and try and appreciate each day because noone knows when they will go. Try and enjoy each day while you are alive and not focus on the end. We will all get there and most people do not think about it when they are young because they think they assume they will live a very long time. I want to live for my children and that is what gets me through the bad days. I wish you the best and its great you are in a therapy group. Talking to other people in similar situations helps a lot.

kama24 in reply to chamonix0522

Thank you for replying. So true, none of us know exactly when our time will come. I just wish I could stop dwelling on it as I am wasting precious time over something I have no control over. Every day the fear in the pit of my stomach. When I do have what I call a better day I really enjoy. The thoughts of passing are daily and it irks me I cannot just turn them off. All I can do is one day at a time.

I feel exactly how you feel today a sudden FEAR came over me because of chest pain and my husband wasn’t home I was alone with my 3month old and 3 yr old I ended up having a panic attack because I was scared something bad was about to happen to me! I know how you feel

kama24 in reply to Mindfulnessxo

I am so sorry to hear you had a bad experience. It would likely make it worse since you would be worrying about your 2 little ones. I can't believe so many of us are like this. I try hard to talk myself into normality but it's to no avail. With me the odd part is that I seem to get calmer at the end of the day. Yes, a chest pain will set me off too!! Take care.

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