I'm feeling completely lost.

[Ladygrey]

I've not been in this site for 4 years but sadly have returned.

Ive made a big decision to return home after living/working away for 3 years (it was a 3 year contract). Initially i made the decision to stay for a new extra year option but this made me instantly anxious to the point of condidering but not self harming.

Having changed my mind and the opportunity almost certainly passed i am feeling my lowest ever. The decision has not left my waking thoughts for 3 weeks People have suggested trying to stay but im not sure if i would worry again about that decision. Plus this really isnt an option as the dealine has passed, wheels are in motion and i cannot put people (employer and importantly friends) through my indecision.

A year ago i thought an extra summer would be grand but a year -definitely no. Now the opportunity has passed i think i could have done an extra year... ive been going round in circles.

Ive talked it through endlessly but cannot ratonalise.

There is no right or wrong decision, each has its benefits. Staying would mean uncertainty about the future beyond the year but an extra year in a wonderful city. The first two years were amazing, achieved loads but the last a little lonely... it's not real life.

Moving back seems like moving backwards although secure, with friends and doing everyday activities that real life brings and that i missed.

I have a good life but worried about Regret and worried about geting through the next two months before i finally return home.

Anyway decision is made - I'm coming home and have to cope with this but I'm not coping. Been in bed all day.

Looking for kind words of encouragement that everything is going to be ok.

I'm taking citalopram but after 3 weeks this is not helping.

Thank you.

[Ladygrey]

In not coping i mean severe anxiety, tingling, hot sweats, crying. Not switching off.

Talking helps but it's getting increasingly worse to the point it could damage my future if i don't calm myself down and start accepting the decision i made and looking at positives.

[Hidden]

Im sorry you are struggling....have faith that things will get and be better and they will. Keep taking tge citalopram...it'll start working. Have patience...take care and best wishes

[Ladygrey in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words.

[Mia51]

Try not to feel a failure going back home.Most of the time the simple things in life like friends and familiarity are more rewarding and precious than large cities with fancy jobs.You said it yourself you weren't happy the last year,so why put your self through anymore You will start to feel better,give the meds a chance.In my darkest time someone who was religious told me to have faith,things will get better and they do.Hope you get on alright,love to you

[Ladygrey]

Thank you for your reassuring words.