Does anyone else have difficulty making decisions and thus end up worrying even when you can't do anything about them anymore?

Been thinking - Does anyone else have difficulty making decisions and thus end up worrying even when you can't do anything about them anymore?

Does not matter could be life changing decisions or even small ones.

I can't make a decision. Its almost as if making a decision is the worse option

For example I really need a new job, the one I have got I hate, I can't talk to my boss. But I just won't commit to finding a new job....

As soon as I update my CV I always imagine getting fired or hating the new job even more... or getting made redundant soon after...

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  • Hi

    Yes is the answer to this one , in fact I can spend so much time making decisions it is a wonder I get anything done !

    And of course once I make one I then worry & if I mention it to someone what I have decided & they look at me odd or I think they are not agreeing with me then I am of again !

    I can be worse with the little ones than the bigger ones like what to have for tea , I can spend all day thinking about that & changing my mind !

    I think again it comes hand in hand when you have anxiety , I want to try & get everything just right to save myself been anxious but all it does it make me more anxious because we are never gong to know if we have made the right choice unless we attempt doing things !

    Someone once said to me if you make a decision & it is wrong it is simple you make another one , easier said than done at times but very true & I do tell myself that now when I am fretting

    Also if it is a bigger decision I am needing to make I make a list , one side the positives & the other the negatives then which ever one out weighs the other even if just by one extra , I go with that & try & let go

    Someone maybe able to give you some better advise , but just wanted to let you no I had read your post :-)

    Hope you get a good nights sleep :-)

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Thanks - I must admit that the idea of everything has to be perfect struck a chord, as I have tried to do courses in my line of work to stop me struggling if I get another job. For example I did a Master's degree course evening course (ended up with diploma), but all it did was make exhausted and less confident as I struggled. And 5 years later I still haven't moved jobs (as it keeps delaying me putting my CV out there) ! Also very sad as the subject was relevant and a number of my work mates ended up doing that type of work in work, but I was left out of it , even though I made my wish known to do the work. Made me even less confidant and looking back a lot less motivated at work. Which given the current rumours at work could mean redundancy. I suppose the lesson is don't move sideways towards a goal always try move to forward. Also does not being assertive struck a chord with people?

  • Hi

    Yes I don't no if it comes with anxiety but I am a perfectionist & give myself such a tough time & that results in feeling anxious !

    I think your reply has the answer we need to work on our confidence , easier said than done I know but mine has got a lot better than it used to be & things do get easier :-)

    xxx

  • Hello,

    Yep, that sound so much like me what you have written in your post.

    I over think things big time, shall I do this or shall I do that? Question after question. And like whywhy says it only makes me more anxious.

    My counsellor once said to me it is all about choice. Even if you don't make a decision about something you all ready have, you have made the choice not to make a decision. Mad I know, but not very helpful either.

    I try now to weigh up the pro's and con's ( bit like whywhy and list).

    Sorry not been much help. But I know what it is like what you are saying.

    Gardener x

  • Again, this struck chord with me, as a colleague said to me as long time ago something similar to your counsellor - Even if you don't make a decision about something you all ready have, you have made the choice not to make a decision. I suppose its almost like saying by leaving it to fate I'm not responsible. But as I've found out my not being responsible means not being in charge and thus worrying. I think. Small steps, maybe I wonder.

  • Hi down 1234 I'm the same it want to go see boyzone but I'm finding it hard to make the decision to book it xx

  • Hi Perrytan

    Are you still struggling with your decision ?

    I can tell you would really like to see boyzone :-)

    If you bought the tickets & then couldn't face it when the time came could you afford to loose the money you paid ?

    When I bought my Will-i-am ticket they were not over expensive so it helped take the pressure of & helped me make the decision because I could say to myself if I can't do it , then I haven't lost to much , but as I have said it gave me a goal & I am so pleased I bought them & went :-)

    xxx

  • Hi why why it's the booking the tickets as we'll soon as I have pressed the bought button I know I will be on the loo and feel physically sick and that's what's stopping me I don't like all the feelings xx

  • Hi

    I do understand & of course none of us like those feelings

    How long will they last for ?

    I was just wondering sometimes I have to go through these feelings to help me move forward

    I know while it lasts its awful but the more I can face them then the next time it gets less

    I also say to myself come on then make me feel sick if that's what you are going to do , lets get it over with !

    Sometimes when I am challenging my fear it helps it to not feel in so much control of me

    I am not sure if this makes any sense

    xxx

  • Yes why why it does make sense and I know the feelings pass and I should book the tickets because if I don't I'm letting the anxiety win

  • Hi

    That's it & that's what we do let it win & the more it does it takes control

    If we can go with the feelings rather than fearing & fighting them then it does start to give them less power

    If these feelings wouldn't last long I would book them & then if I ended up on the loo say to myself fine , do your worse but I have the tickets ;-)

    xxx

  • Thankyou why why for all your advise xx

  • Hi why why I've booked the tickets xx

  • Oh my goodness !!!!!

    I am sat with a great big smile on my face here :-)

    Oh I am pleased & happy for you , I really am :-)

    Now how are you feeling ?

    If you are feeling a little fearful , just say come on then lets get it over with & then move on because I have my tickets !!!!

    Well done you :-)

    Now don't worry , we will all help & support you , I went to see Will-i-am & have agoraphobia but did it so I no you will do this to :-)

    Made my day this has :-)

    xxx

  • Thankyou why why feel a bit sick and need the loo but I'm not going to let it spoil it for me thankyou for all your support it means a lot xxx

  • Well done, I sure you will have a great time

  • Thankyou down1234 I'm sure I will I'll keep you posted xx

  • whywhy I totally agree with you, once the tickets have arrived perrytan will feel great thats she's made the right decision. Even more so when she goes to the concert. By the way whywhy I hope you soon get over that fear of of Spiders.

  • I am sure she can do this & she will have lovely memories that will last :-)

    I didn't know I had a fear of spiders to get over ???

    xxx

  • whywhy,

    I seemed to have misunderstood you. I thought agoraphobia was fear of spider's I've just looked it up and its fear of open space I very sorry (It was a poor attempt of humor.

    My best wishes

    Jamie

  • Hi Jamie

    Please don't worry , made me laugh , I do it all the time answer something then look & think whoops that was wrong , you have made me laugh , I have managed to keep my sense of humor despite this anxiety & I can see the funny side to it :-D

    Hope you are having a good day :-)

    xxx

  • Thanks whywhy, I was a little concerned as everyone tells me I have a great sense of humor, and I honestly believe laughter is the best cure, you cant cry and laugh at the same time (well I cant) but I was afraid I'd put my big mouth in it this time, so it was great to read your message. Had my 3 year old twin grand daughters to stay last night fantastic, a laugh a minute. They woke at 2 a m. and went back to bed at 5 a m When I asked them why were you up so late, they replied we had a party. I asked them why did,en't they invite me, they said you were sleeping and we would,en't wake you up as your ill.

    They are wonderful. make all your worries disappear.Good night whywhy, thanks for putting my mind to rest

    Jamie

  • Hi Jamie

    When you do a post I don't no if you have noticed but as you scroll down before you submit it , it says category , if you drop that down you will see it says Humor/off topic

    We had that category added as I no it isn't for everyone but quite a few of us have found laughter has got us through , so when we feel like been light hearted we can post & put it in there & anyone that likes humor can read them

    :-)

    I have laughed till I have cried before , laughing so much tears have rolled down my face :-D

    Your twin grandchildren sound delightful , how wonderful I can see how they would keep your spirits up :-)

    xxx

  • whywhy, there's nothing wrong with your sense of humor and sharpness. Firstly I thought why did my post make you laugh then cry, then click, I realized it was in reply to me saying you cant laugh and cry at the same time. My only excuse is I;m taking Tramadol and they make me sleep, and I had just woken up before reading it. By the way, it gave me a good laugh, thanks

    Jamie

  • Well if you have a minute tomorrow we may be having one of our virtual parties for the New Year , there is always some banter & laughter you may feel like joining in , would be nice to see you there :-)

    xxx

  • whywhy Thanks very much will do.

    xx

  • I had an incident with a spider this morning and I am arachnaphobic :D xx

  • Hi mimii, I bet you over came it without a shake, I'm going to add that to my script, if you don't have copyright on it.

    I thought it was very funny, thanks for the laugh, I needed it.

    Jamie

  • Hi Perrytan,

    Can anyone else book them for you, would that help? xx

  • Hi echinus I don't know if that would help but I might try it thankyou it's so difficult xx

  • Hi

    Yes I feel this way too when I am suffering with anxiety and then when I manage to make a decision I worry that I've made the wrong one. I try to weigh up the pros and cons to help me make the decision or talk things through with someone

    Jules x

  • Hi Bev

    That's probably a better solution, at least you don't then worry about making the wrong decision

    Jules x

  • Hi hypercat54,& jules2105

    No it's not pathetic, it's known as Fate, or Kismet, and people have believed in this for centuries look at the history of the Middle East, it's full of references to this, belief.

    I'm a great believer in what's to be will be.

    Best wishes

    Jamie

  • That is a big part of my anxiety,wether the decisions are big or small,I know a lot of women do this but I can't even decide what to wear ,even when I do it is always the wrong decision so I go back to my old faithful comfy clothes and still feel terrible,right now I even stay awake thinking about curtains! I have to leave my house at the end of January,do I take my curtains or leave them,they were only made last year ,the house has high ceilings and big windows so they had to be made,if I take them ,will I use them,I could have them hemmed but they are wide,if I leave them will I regret it .I know it is only curtains but they are causing endless worries!

  • Hi Lindalou

    It can be things like only curtains that cause us the most worries !

    I read that & smiled as I would be exactly the same

    I bought my son some new trainers , he likes them , others do , one person said they don't & I spent 2 days thinking should I send them back , even though the son likes them & this is only a pair of trainers !!!!

    I have put it down now & keeping them :-/

    The curtains , do you no who is moving in your house , cold you ask if they wanted them leaving would they give you anything for them as it sounds like the windows are not a normal size so it would cost them more to have some made

    If not then I would take them , pack them away & at a later date if they don't come in use then you can get rid of them ,!

    xxx

  • When anxioty hits hard I can't make any decisions should I do a relaxtion should I go to the gym etc that feeling of helpless gets to me so I come on here and ask others but in most cases I think you have to do one thin at a time so for example I've done a relaxtion this morning and thinking about a trip to the Gym but I'm not going to over do it 20 mins on the tread mill will do and some time on the seated bike that will do it ( if you see what I mean )

  • Hi Bigguy,

    I feel the same way when anxiety hits me, but I usually find it is the bigger decisions I find difficult.

    I often do my relaxation, especially when I am anxious, and love going for a swim, it soo..relaxes me.

    Eunice

  • Hi Lindalou

    Stress and anxiety are a pain in the bum, and so responsible for getting us down, and sleepless nights. I've thought of an idea to rid you of your "curtain worry", Why don't you ask the purchasers of your house, if they would be interested in buying them, point out the hight of the ceilings, and how much trouble you had to have them made and the cost (show the receipt if you still have it. This would save them looking for them when they will be very busy, and take a worry off your shoulder's Best of luck, both with the move,and the worries.

    Jamie

  • Don't know who is buying house! Never met them.I asked estate agent to do the viewing,I was out every time someone viewed,don't want to meet them or see them,but that would have been a great idea,the curtains for the house can't just be bought from a shop due to size.

  • Would it be to late to ask the Estate Agents if they would ask ?

    So many people offer to leave carpets & curtains when they are good at a price & a lot of the time people do accept :-)

    xxx

  • Not too late to ask,But! The buyer as part of the deal to buy asked for-- dining table and chairs all and every mirror in the house to be left and for me to pay stamp duty,so don't think he would pay for curtains,I think he thinks that they are being left,also think he believes fridge freezer in kitchen is being left but estate agent said they were not mentioned and as fridge is free standing I should take it, don't want to be mean but I am leaving a couple of wee things that I think go with the house.

  • That case I would take the curtains , sounds like he has had more than his monies worth !

    xxx

  • That's my mind made up,from being told from someone who can't make their mind up!

  • I'm good at making it up for other people just not myself

    :-D

    xxx

  • Your purchaser seems to be very mean, asking you to leave these items, and pay the stamp duty. If he refuses your offer, take them with you, if you only use them as expensive dust sheets.

    Jamie

  • As an ex estate agent, I would advise you to contact the agent and explain the curtains are a "one off" and it would be expensive to have them made. Ask him to explain they will not fit your new home, if their interested would they like to make an offer? suggest he makes it appear as it is his idea, and he would get the kudos.

    Best wishes

    Jamie

  • When I sold my flat I did what has been suggested & asked the buyer if they'd like to buy them as I'd had them made specially, high ceilings like you. She said no, but came & measured up. Two weeks later (when she found out how much it would cost) she rang & offered me £200 for them. :D

    x

  • Hi down1234,

    If you feel,you have difficulties making decisions, come and spend sometime with me. Shall I have lunch-yes-no-yes. what will I have? scrambled eggs, no a sandwich ah yes, what sandwich, ham,no. cheese,no I'll have ham, and so on.

    Seriously any kind of illness that is stress related, such as depression, leads to lack of concentration which in turn cause the above problems, and the inability to come to a decision, no matter how important, or how trivial.

    Discuss these with a trusted friend before coming to any important decisions, to avoid making any you may regret, especially changing jobs in these difficult times, but if your both sure, go for it. I hope I've been of use, don't feel alone, contact anyone on the forum, they will be more than happy to help you.

    My best wishes.

    Jamie

  • Hi Jamie, you have just described my daughter :o lol She never asks for one thing for lunch, always 2, eg one ham sandwich & one cheese, or if she toasts a bagel she'll have butter on one side & choc spread on the other, she's so scared of making the wrong choice. Makes life very hard, for both of us really because she constantly asks my opinion. I'm hoping when she starts her cbt again things may get better.

    I hope you find an answer :)

    x

  • Hi thompson1898,It's difficult for her, but just as difficult, if not more so, for you. I don't know your circumstances, and your daughter's age but would it be possible to ask her to do the shopping for herself, this may make her at least give some thought to what she wants to eat, and offer to cook, or make it for her, this could have a dual outcome help her, and yourself, if she goes out on her own she won't be able to ask you and take some responsibility herself. Try it at least until the CBT starts again. In the mean time, if it does,n't work you will be in the same position you are in now, and will not have lost anything.

    Best wishes

    Jamie

  • You know that's not a bad idea :)

    There's just dd & me & she's 15 so certainly old enough to do some shopping by herself. Maybe if the first time I go round with the trolley & she takes a basket, with a budget, that might work. I'm trying to build her confidence & independence & this could help.

    Thanks for that Jamie, you've really got me thinking now :)

    Much appreciated

    x

  • thanks Jamie, that's a good idea, I'll discuss it with an old friend who I go to the gym with. I have suffered bad depression/anxiety. but not sure if its a total lack of self belief that causes the indecision rather than the anxiety. For me I think the anxiety is a symptom of lack of self belief.

  • Thanks to everyone. It seems I'm not the only one who has this kind of problem, and it helps to know that I'm the not the only one, although how to do I think would help me. I think I will do what whywhy says and try and make a list of how to do it. In fact it reminds me of the concept my late father used to talk about management by objective. Perhaps I try this, as its very hard when worrying or not wanting to go into work as it makes me miserable. Ill think some more on this. Thanks to everyone

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