I'm new to this community but not to anxiety...

[grudgekyoko]

I'm suffered from anxiety and depression since I was a kid. I think it may stem from being sexually abused but I don't know. I've had it off and on for 22 years but the last few years for some reason have been absolutely awful. My mom almost died from a heart attack and she's in OK health now but I think that may be what set the anxiety off again. I get dizzy spells (usually made worse by fluorescent lights, bright sunlight, or being in places where there are people). I've been through a lot of jobs in the last few years because I have a hard time staying somewhere all day (I feel dizzy, I panic, I leave). I was recently able to stay at a job for 6 months which is a record for me but the people were toxic and all part of a clique I was excluded from. Was recently let go and now I'm at home panicking again. Feeling dizzy, panicky, got a headache and a stomachache. Not sure if I'm anxious because I don't know if I will get unemployment or what my issues are at the moment, but advice would be welcomed. I unfortunately have no health insurance but my blood tests, etc in the last two years (the last time I was able to be checked) were all normal, so in the interest of my sanity I'm trying to convince myself that my health is OK (I'm a total hypochondriac). Even someone saying they have the same symptoms and I'm not alone would help me I think. I need to be able to get through the day till my fiance gets home from work.

[Jeff1943]

Grudgekyoko, all the symptoms you mention sound very much like anxiety disorder and most people on this forum have experienced them themselves. Most of us are hypochondriacs too, fearing the worst from all new symptoms no matter how slight. I'm sure nothing organic has changed since you had those blood tests etc so you can put the thought ofmajor illness right out of your mind. Dizziness, panicky feeleings, stomach ache and headaches are all the classic symptoms of anxiety. And as you well know no matter how similar the symptoms are they are not the result of real organic illness, they are merely tricks your sensitised nervous system are playing on you so they are fake, fraudulent symproms that are NOT lifethreatening and can do you no permanent harm.

It doesn't matter what started this off, being abused when young is a horrible experience but human beings are resilient and can move on from past trauma. Somehow your nervous system has become sensitised by too much worry and stress and now it causes you to over react to the slightest thing. Small problems seem tenfold more serious than they are, we become far too introspective and imagine every minor ache and pain is the harbinger of doom. Without the knowledge of how our nervous systems work we become bewildered and fearing the worse look for answers from the Internet which always confirm our worst worries.

So understand that all your bad feelings going back years and years are because you are maintaining your nervous system in a state of sensitisation: you note some symptom which produces fear which produces more symptoms which produces more fear in a never ending circle or re-sensitisation. The way out is to stop fighting, stop constantly testing yourself, and knowing these symptoms are merely blips in your nervous system to ACCEPT them temporarily, recognise them for the imposters they are, and once you start accepting them you stop the vicious circle of fear producing more fear ad infinitum. Thus you stop throwing more fuel on the fire and gradually your nervous system returns to normal and your mind becomes calm and serene.

So when the next bad feeling comes, instead of tensing up and going into panic mode, instead imagine every muscle in your body and head going limp and totally relaxing and let the fraudulent feeling pass. You can do this at work as well as in your own time and just carry on with your work like we all do when anxiety strikes. Don't let a mere feeling deny you the employment you need. And you CAN do it, because everybody can do it through practicing acceptance but there is no quick fix and it takes persistance on your part and it is the ONLY way that works.

[grudgekyoko in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you so much! This is exactly what I needed to hear. Everything you said is right on. I will work on this while I search for a new job and perhaps it will get a bit easier. I've noticed that listening to binaural beats/meditation music on youtube helps as well. Maybe it helps with the acceptance somehow, because it's not that it makes the symptoms go away right away but it helps me not care as much that they're occurring.