My daughter...the reason I fight so hard with my anxiety!

My daughter...the reason I fight so hard with my anxiety!

Just wanted to share a pic of my little girl at her last dance class of the year yesterday. I don't always make it to her lessons each week due to my anxiety and panic attacks, but their was no way I was missing her getting treated for an awesome job she's done this year. Yes, I had a panic attack but I managed to get my ass in there, video a Christmas dance they preformed & get some snaps of her receiving her certificate. The smile on my babies face seeing that I made it melted me, but also hurt me inside as I should be there weekly watching her practice...why can anxiety hurt my daughter & make her miss having me at things that she enjoys! Anxiety...I hate you with every part of me, I hate fighting you & I hate that you make me miss out on things...BUT...slowly but surely you will begin to hate me back...because I'm on a war path to take you down & not allow you to ruin me & my daughters life anymore!


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30 Replies

  • My photo is sideways hehe sorry about that! X

  • She is so adorable good on you for pushing through and being there. I to am a mum from Australia (something in common).

    Did you have the attack before or during and what were your symptoms like? I do hope the best for you :))

  • Thank you :)

    I was anxious all day knowing I was going. I've been prescribed Valium but that didn't work as well as I wanted to, it took the edge off but it was still a bad attack since being put on Valium.

    It happened on the way there, then I forced myself into the studio, and was so excited watching her however just wanted to run. As soon as it was over I bolted out the car and phoned my gp and asked if I could take another Valium. I finally calmed down about an hour or so after. My symptoms...where do I begin haha. I pretty much don't feel real, my heart races, my head feels heavy, sweaty palms, feel like in going to pass out, feel like I'm going to die, feel like my body can't handle any more adrenaline from the panic, I question every thought & emotion & the list goes on. Do you suffer from anxiety as well? Feel free to pm & we can compare our nuttiness :) haha! Kel x

  • Yes I suffer from anxiety too. Lately I've been feeling unreal a lot and it's bothering me so much I also struggle to get through the day doing chores and I think it because I'm not breathing right and I fatigue my body. I am one of those that can't accept its all due to anxiety even after many clear tests. Valium does help also propropanol. I am actually going to see the phychiatrist tmrw and phychologist next week.

    Are you seeing a therapist or taking anti depressants?

  • Heya! How'd you go at the psychiatrist? Yep I will be seeing someone, but my Drs app isn't until next Friday so she will be finding me someone hopefully that can see me before Xmas. Are you in Sydney?

  • Hi I'm in Melbourne. I just came back from the phychiatrist I've seen him twice before but not for about 6 months and it was good as I felt reassured that I My symptoms are from mental disorder, he actually diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder, panic, OCD and pmdd (worse version of pms).

    He wants me to start medication and I really believe I need it it's a year later and I can't seem to shake it but I'm so afraid as when I tried it a year ago the side effects freaked me out so bad, but this time he said to use Valium to get through the 2 week adjustment period and I may wait for when my husband is off work for a week as I will feel more secure I dont want to be alone with the kids with all these scary side effects.

    How have you been doing?

  • Definitely sounds like you have a good guy there helping you. How much Valium did he recommend to take? I've taken 5mg 3 hours ago and I'm starting to feel all edgy & panic again! I hate this so much :(

  • He prescribed 5mg as needed and also propropanol he said that is good for pms. I also find that the Valium only last about 3-4 hours. especially on a bad day. Have you tried a relaxation massage? I have had a few at endota spa (I think they have that chain in Sydney) and they truly are wonderful the phychiatrist recommended I try to get them as often as I can.

  • Ooohhhhh I haven't heard of Endota spa, I'll look into it :)

    How was your day today?

  • My anxiety wallow but I've been very fatigued the last few days. How about you?

  • Hello

    First well done you , that took some strength to go and you laughed in anxieties face even when it tried to join in this wonderful special moment , so you do have the strength and slowly you will build on what you have achieved , you also should feel proud of yourself :-)

    And obviously it goes without saying what an adorable little girl you have something else that you can laugh in anxieties face at , even if it has tried to steal some precious moments from you and your Daughter it will never steal your Daughter as the love she has for you is unconditional and it shines through on the pic that she knows despite everything how much she is loved and loved by her Mum which love will see her through the moments you cannot share with her till you are ready and able to do so and you will :-)

    Take Care x

  • She is gorgeous what a lovely little girl you have, so sweet I'n her to tutu, well done Kelly you did brilliantly xx

  • What a gorgeous little girl - so beautiful!!! Well done for getting there. You need no other incentive than your daughter. Well done!!!

  • Great! It goes to show that you can go. And you didn't die. Try and build up to going more. I'm so happy for you!

  • well done you..:) I have three grown up daughters and remember with every one of them.. sitting as far back in the hall as I could ''in case'' I had to run out the hall as a panic attack was coming on.. time has gone on and the years have flown and thanks to the lady I mention time and again on her Dr Claire Weekes and her books on this I survived.. now 7 grand children and many years later I still have the hall thing.. panic ? Still there slightly but the old panic vibes still remain at times but her words of advice still echo in my mind and I breath slowly and calmly and the feelings go as they always have done.. beautiful photo and lovely girl xx

  • Well done for attending and staying there.

    Ive had to take valium before i go out and have to take it when im in the house - my life is a nightmare and i hate it. Psych has put me on pregabalin, only been on it a week and its a low dose x

  • Thank you all so very much! Every comment made me smile & reading them covered me on goosebumps, with a massive smile on my face! My little one never goes without, I make sure of that. Sometimes I can't see the happy times she has out with family & friends but I make sure she lives a normal life when my days are crappy!

    Once again THANK YOU from the bottom of my anxiety ridden heart...we all can kick this demons day at a time!

    Much love xxxxxx

  • She's gorgeous :-D From one Aussie to another, well done!! As difficult as it was, YOU DID IT so never forget that! You should be hugely proud of yourself :-) You can beat this awful thing. You need to know/learn what exactly is driving it for you. Once you've done, and with small steps, it'll be done and dusted. Gone. Cheers

  • Yay, another Aussie on here :) thank you for your reply, it means a lot. I'm having a bad day today :( just wish I knew how to cope! Xxxxx

  • Yep, another Aussie :-D

    I'm sincerely ly sorry that your day is a bad one. It sux big time I know. You CAN and WILL one day be able to deal with this horror.

    Ascertain what you think your triggers are. Know that anxiety feeds on fear and any negative thoughts you may have including worry. The more this happens, the more stress chemicals are pumped into your body. That's why it's important to know what is causing your anxiety (including any thoughts before it happens) and what your triggers are including taking every measure there is to relax your mind AND body. The cycle needs to be broken.

    See if you can get books by Dr Claire Weekes. She was a pioneer in her field and is still highly regarded. Also, look to: " the stress response ... How dialectical behaviour therapy can free you from needless anxiety, worry, anger and other symptoms of stress" by Christmas Matta, MA; and "Mindfulness in Eight Weeks" by Michael Chaskalson. Ruby Wax has also endorsed it. Your library should have these books.

    Check out the BeyondBlue and SANE websites. BeyondBlue has info packs they can send you. Ask them specifically for their "Taking Care of Yourself and Your Family, a Resource Book for Good Mental Health". It's easy to read and full of invaluable info! There may be a cost, not sure, but it's worth it.

    You also need to talk it out. If you can't manage a visit, see if you can find a counsellor who is willing to consult with you either by phone or Skype. Lifeline's off-shoot organisation is 'JustAsk'. I think, not 100% sure that they're still operating. They used to act as a Dr/Specialist resource guide according to geographical location. In fact, phone Lifeline as well. They're wonderfully caring people.

    The NEW Mental Health Line is: 1800 011 511. Check out their website and call them.

    There was a question here today relating to the drug Pregablin. Check it out. It appears that this med has multiple uses. Threw me for 6 when I read it! Btw, I don't know why Valium is prescribed. Unless taken in larger daily quantities, I personally find it next to useless when dealing with Panic Disorder and severe anxiety. To me, it's a helpful muscle relaxant and that's about it. But then that's my experience of it.

    I hope that some of the info I have impacted will be of benefit to you. Please don't depend solely on meds and GP's. Focus on taking control of this yourself with the help of mental health professionals. Before I forget, Sydney Uni has a mental health department where they run programs, etc. It's a big site I know. Unfortunately, I don't have the link for it, so just do a broad search. I know it's there.

    Lastly, NEVER give up hope and try not

    to focus on your symptoms as they arise. VERY HARD not to do I know, but it can be done. Like the hair ad states: "it won't happen overnight, but it (will happen"

    Wishing you peace x

  • Aussiekel83...hey just wan to tell you you are brave...and I'm with you in this..I am going through the same thing as you n have a soon to be 6 year is so hard to go.on with life with this anxiety n symptoms on a daily basis bt god helps me he through this everyday..I just wan thou to know you are not alone I am here...may god give us the strength to get through this we have beautiful kids to raise who need us.

  • Thanks Idam, I appreciate your reply. How do you deal with having to take your child out places etc? It's so so so very hard to hide my attacks from her but I try my absolute best. She never goes without & is always out having fun, and i guess it's just normal for her now that I don't really go anywhere which saddens me so much. I miss out on seeing her out having fun...all because anxiety has taken over me & I don't know how to take back over! Xxx

  • It's hard for me as well my daughter is alsonused to me always just laying down I feel awful she knows mommy doesn't feel well..what helps me get up is just looking at her watching her play n have so much energy knowing she is so innocent and needs me there those thoughts get to my head and that's what helps me...I have to frice mysf to go out with her n trust me its hard I feel like sometimes people are watching me of what if this and what if that...its crazy... I have the head pressure sometimes I feel unreal...I feel dizzy and jelly legs and its awful. Bt I promise you I think of my kid n it the thought of just not being there for her hurts me bt I try my best to get up and think of positive thoughts

  • That's what I do as well. I guess we are to hard on ourselves & want everything picture perfect, but that's not reality...! I put myself down sooooo much & hate that I have given my daughter such a nut case of a mum...but she loves me regardless! I tell her, mummy just needs to lay down a second...she says, "Ok sooki la la" haha! Then I make a joke with her then run in my room and continue my freak out! Aaaarrrggghhh...I wish I was like others who have made it through the anxiety battle & came out happy!!! X

  • Yes I know exactly what you feel I'm so glad I know I'm not alone in this and neither are at least we can eventually control this we just need the right help.. Axiety is a battle bt we could win this...although I always feel like I can' does you body and head feel??

  • Yeah, it's good to know we are not alone. I just hate that other people experience what I I know how horrible it is. My mind just doesn't stop. All I think about is my anxiety & panic attacks. Then when I finally get distracted by something the second my mind stops concentrating on my distraction, anxiety thoughts hit again. Then if I'm having a happy moment or feel ok, my mind then starts telling me something bad is going to happen to me for feeling happy and the cycle continues. It won't allow me to be happy...well I should say I won't allow myself to be happy. It's like I'm so use to have this bastard anxiety by my side through everything I do, if it's not there I freak out and bring the whole panic on!

  • I have the same feelings, but my heart also races

  • Yep, mine does also :(

  • She is beautiful

  • Thank you Lee ❤️

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