I'm turning 55 next month , had my first complete nervous breakdown at 11 & several more throughout the years . Meds , therapy , exercise , diet , self help books , meditation , group sessions , intensive therapy & all the other b.s. Has not helped me AT ALL . I cry for no reason , feel tense , shake like an earthquake is going through my body . I feel like I'm not connected with my body , pressure in my head , vision problems , electric sensations in my head , constant thoughts of death , sudden & frequent panic/anxiety attacks even when my life is going ok . It's impossible to keep a job now . Stomach distress , nausea & insomnia are my constant companions . I have never felt like I fit in with the rest of the world ... Nothing makes me happy & I mean nothing at all ! I want to scream & lash out sometimes ; I try not to because that doesn't help either . I'm in a very dark & lonely place ... My husband is scared for me ; I can't take much more . I have been to so many different therapists & psychologists & taken so many meds that I refuse to go back to any doctor now ... Why should I they never help me & if I wasn't paying them they wouldn't even listen to me ; it's not like they really care anyway it's just a job . About the time I feel confident enough to go shopping I have a severe episode & im locked back in my house again . My enemy is my own body & mind ... How do you fight yourself ? I have no control I just feel like I'm waiting to die at this point .
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