Realizing the start to your anxiety

[AlexaLee7811]

So I saw my therapist today and it was super funny how I started to realize where my anxiety comes from. During this time of year I do get a little bit more depressed and sad (seasonal depression) but this is also the time of year my parents got separated when I was 9. IT was a really hard time for me and I never saw a healthy and good relationship. So when this time of year comes around and I am in a relationship my anxiety shoots up. I get worried I overthink I think of the WORSE possible conclusion even though I could never go through with it and I just have racing thoughts and I worry to no end. I never understood this. I randomly woke up one day 2 years ago with my ex and had these stomach nauseating pains where I couldn't even eat and directed the anxiety directly to him because things were going so well I immediately thought of him and boom anxiety came up so I thought something was wrong with my relationship and i had to end it even though I didn't want to. It didn't end up working out he was not supportive and told me to "get over it" or "couldn't understand why I couldn't just stop thinking about it" even though I gave him articles and articles on how anxiety is an illness he didn't believe me and just was there to support but then would tell me I was stressing him out or I needed to get helped or he couldn't handle it anymore. Long story short he sucked and is gone thank goodness.

I am in a SUPER healthy relationship now with a man who is listening and told me to talk to him whenever because thats the best thing to do is talk it out and bounce ideas off of each other which is true. He is so supportive and loving and just ugh WONDERFUL (sorry got super happy haha) but then suddenly legit EXACT same time as my ex my anxiety started up end of september beginning of october and I finally began to realize this was the time of year my parents got divorced. I was devastated when they did and even talking about it my stomach is churning a bit and I started to tear up with my therapist. I never really realized the impact it had on me until now where I was trying to be the strong one and support my younger brother when I needed support too. I saw the hell my mother went through and the stress it put on our family. My dad is wonderful don't get me wrong but he sees everything black and white and was either in or out and didn't want to work on things...which in a sense translated over to me because I looked up to him so much. I wanted to be that strong nothing bothers me I got this kind of person....yet I need help too and its ok to ask for it.

I never had great relationships I would always get annoyed or put up MAJOR walls and run away and just never got close to someone. So my ex was my first serious serious one and I learned a lot about myself. Now I am with a man where I can find no flaws (even though my anxiety looks for them) and am treated with such respect and love it is so new and scary to me. But realizing where my anxiety is coming from really has helped me understand why i gear it towards relationships and that this is something I just have to work on daily and it is ok to have good and bad days.

I am wondering if anyone else has been through this too? Always here to help and listen to others issues and experiences <3

DEPRESSIONSTRESS

[Angep Star]

Hi there, there's is usually a trigger for people's anxiety. Surprisingly enough not everyone realises what that is, so it's great you do because that is half the battle. If only there was a simple cure for everyone and enough therapists to go round!!! When my parents split up when I was younger it triggered very bad anxiety in me. As an adult I realised it was the best thing that could have happened but as a child you just feel the heartbreak of it all.my dad used to tell my sister she was his favourite so I always felt I was never good enough. I was very shy and didn't say a lot, it's just suddenly hit me while writing this that that's why I'm so hard on myself!!! I beat myself up terribly if I don't get something right!!! It's been a heavy burden to carry at times!!! So thankyou for your post !! I'm 54 years old and it's only just dawned on me. I gave up a really good job a few years ago because I thought I wasn't good enough for it and looking back I was good enough!! People told me I was and I didn't believe them!!! Anyway I hope you feel a bit better now you know why you feel the way you do.you can't remove the memories I know but you can deal with them and eventually get past them. Best wishes to you x

[AlexaLee7811 in reply to Angep]

Aw I'm so glad you realized that! I am 23 and just realizing I truly have someone in the back of my mind trying to ruin my relationships this time of year aka my anxiety . It had worried me in my past relationship and really took a toll on me and scared me into commitment and this time of year reminds me of all the negatives in a sense and when it gets darker I'm stuck inside more as brings on my negative thoughts. My parents divorce wasn't awful but it wasn't great either. Just makes me realize where my anxiety is coming from too and that it's ok to have it but I need to accept it and work through it too. I'm so sorry that happened to you but so glad you could realize it because you're always worth it and always the best !