Anxiety

[Rik1233]

Hope this makes sense to everyone, I feel so strange tonight like im not here, I'm sat with my little sister and I still feel like I'm having a panic attack, prior to this I was arguing with my partner who has fallen asleep and we haven't resolved it yet so I was wondering if it could have anything to do with it, also does anyone have any tips on making me calm down, thank you

[Hidden]

Did you feel threatened during the argument with your partner? is it a He or a She and are they using drink or mind altering drugs? Does this person behave unpredictably ? Is it possible you're really frightened about what kind of atittude this person will wake up with? It sounds like a reaction of fear - Are you able to remove yourself and your sister to somewhere else safe?

[Rik1233 in reply to Hidden]

No I don't in any way feel threatened by my partner, since I had my daughter a year ago we seem to argue about anything and everything and I'm always the one that seems to cause it and I always kick of and go mad at him and if I'm honest I think he feels threatened by me and I don't knoe how to calm myslef down and stop acting like this

[Hidden in reply to Rik1233]

Well I'm wondering if you feel supported in the practical sense or do you feel overloaded with chores and the new baby and over tiredness - are his expectations feeling rather much ? Were you expecting him to do a bit more around the place ? or do you feel trapped in the house with a young baby and such an enormous change in circumstances -

What is it that you're wanting but not getting - something is making you very angry - was having your baby a very traumatic experience - or was it not planned - did you both want the baby equally or did he want it and push you into it? This happened to me second time round and i suddenly realised it was the biggest mistake I'd made - I found myself married to someone I simply didn't know - he changed after we got together expecting me to do it all - and there was no emotional support - I was expected not to cry, not to be emotional - if I cried he'd complain and threaten to leave -Are you far away from friends and family ?

[Hidden]

Perhaps it's also about your need to communicate and your partner disappears into a haze of either watching or playing Xbox, going drinking with friends when you're stuck at home - spending (or in my case betting) 0r smoking which if you don't smoke feels like criminal waste of money that you can't afford - whatever it is you're sounding deeply deeply unhappy and seriously depressed which is also expressed with anger - and anger is about fear - I felt intensely lonely and cut off from everyone -

[Rik1233 in reply to Hidden]

My daughter wasn't planned but I wouldnt change her if that makes sense, I was only 18 when I fell pregnant and yes I had a pretty horrific labour with her, she was born two months prematurely and it was quiet a traumatic time if I'm honest, I would love my boyfriend to do more around the house or with out daughter, I mean in the whole year she's been born he has changed 3 nappies and had got up one night with her its just not fair that I have to do it all alone

[Hidden in reply to Rik1233]

No I guessed as much - this is extremely UNFAIR and totally UNREASONABLE - and does he by any chance expect you to be willing and able at the drop of a hat when he wants you to perform? Is it possible he needed you to provide a home for him and behaves like another child? And perhaps doesn't have a good or healthy relationship with his mother - maybe even holds resentments toward her - or basically expects you to keep the whole show on the road? You are absolutely CORRECT in that he is behaving like an adolescent and taking you for granted - frankly it it were me I'd think I needed someone like that - like a hole in the head - I can see EXACTLY why you're angry and losing your temper - You are at the end of your tether - you've been traumatised by such a shocking birth - hes been as much use as a wet paper bag in a a storm - and frankly I'd be reconsidering my position - there is nothing worse than being the cook, bottle washer and go-ffer for a layabout selfish and incompetant person who may possibly be eating you out of house and home but contributing SFA- I remember finding it SO much easier to know what I had coming in and what I was spending and cooking what me and my baby needed - in a far more economical way - rather than a selfish idiot who'd come home and pull the rug from under my feet when I most needed support - I found it a great relief to end up without this unnecessary stress and struggle with someone who was NEVER going to change but expected me to do it ALL - even crying was a luxury without feeling I was suffering resentment and irritability or plain ignored when what I needed most was comfort - You're clearly with an overgrown school boy - and the last thing a new mother needs on top of going through what you've gone through is another baby!! You need to start thinking of your own welfare because this upset and stress and unreasonable attitude is absolutely bringing you down it's much too much for you - you need rest and you need to know where you are and you need to be in an environment without provocative behaviour from a stubborn immature man child!! What you actually need and deserve is lots of TLC care and attention after what you've been through - do you have a midwife/social worker or someone visiting since the birth to check on you both? ((Big HUG))xx

[Rik1233 in reply to Hidden]

Wow everything you've wrote describes how I'm feeling, I know he loves me and our daughter but sometimes a little appreciation wouldn't go a miss

[Hidden in reply to Rik1233]

Yes but sadly actions speak louder than words - and you've been through all of this trauma - he needs then to start pulling his weight if you're going to get anywhere - you'll continue to feel put upon and resentful and relationships and parental responsibility is meant to be shared - if you worked before maybe you miss your job - surely he doesn't work all hours? Or does he?

[Rik1233]

I didn't work before but I did attend college but left to have my daughter and never wenbt back as I can't bear to leave my little girl for long, also he does work quiet long hours, he leaves rje house at 7 in the morning and doesn't come back.till half six on the night so does work quiet long

[Hidden]

And that leaves you all alone for twelve hours without any respite or company and that must be intensely lonely - i expect you're also ruled by feeds and baby's sleep arrangements etc - where abouts are you living - can you find some other young mothers - in the same position - NetMums a website has many areas advertised - how about trying to make contact with someone like yourself -

[Hidden]

Well sleep tight and try and get some rest before the morning and little one starts jumping all over the place and waking you !! I guess since you've not mentioned in-laws or parents maybe you were like me having nobody suitable x