Negative thought going wild :-(

[LadyCourtessa]

Why is it even when everything is going well, then i will have this thought that its not. Like the fear in me that scared my happiness now will turn to bad thing or i will feel depressed. I just came back from meeting my bf and i was so happy and then when i come back to my room i have this feeling of fear that all that will turn to sadness later. Like im so used to be depressed and im expecting things to be negative always... Am i even make any sense? Im so full of fear now and stress and worrry about future... I thought im doing fine but this Anxiety comes without warning... one minute im perfectly fine and one minute im scared..

[Agora1]

Hi LadyCourtessa, yes it all makes sense when we are constantly thinking the worse or thinking into the future. Anxiety comes without warning because you always have the red flags up expecting the worse to happen. We cannot control what happens in the future. We all live moment to moment. Some are good, some are bad but the idea is to go forward and embrace each day. Even though you are so use to being depressed, that doesn't mean that it can't be changed. I'm sure you know there are a lot of things that can be done to help with depression, one of them being your way of thinking. You seem to be fighting an unending battle with anxiety and depression. This is one battle that you won't win without surrendering your fears and moving on. Take care of yourself. x

[LadyCourtessa in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora for the reply.. im in constant fear of my fear. what i can summarize is im so scared now.. what can i do?

[Overanxious]

I understand completely what you mean and I have been happy all day with lots of positive things ,then suddenly I feel nauseous and my body tingles and I fear that bad things are going to happen and that any happiness will be turnover . I am almost scared to feel too happy . What I tend to do is tell myself that theses feelings will be short lived and often write down how I am feeling and why I am being illogical . It sometimes helps but this anxiety is the worst feeling and it makes me feel so bad and depressed but I do now snap out for a few hours until my mind starts racing again .

[LadyCourtessa in reply to Overanxious]

yes indeed thats how i feel now... plus my situation now is my fear is in front of me every single day and i have to do my best to avoid looking at what im fear of. and its not easy.. So basically im ok and then im not.. im tored of these feelings

[Overanxious]

Is it general fear or has a situation or event triggered it . Do you know what started you feeling this way .Have you had a significant life event that has traumatised you ? I do symaothise with how you are feeling because it is all encompassing and spoils your quality of life . Are you taking meds ? I am not but it is very tempting . I havetriedadukt colouring and that does calm my mind and going for long walks and getting caught up I'm my surroundings also can help .

[LadyCourtessa in reply to Overanxious]

yes its a situation that triggered my anxiety or panic attack... and at some point the thought of the situation dont bother me anymore but the fear that live in me still making me having panic attack and also if i saw what i fear i wll be anxious... I dont call it tramatize me but i do fear that situation.. and i was on meds before xanax for anxiety and luvox for depression.. but now i didnt take anymore as i think i can control myself sometimes...

[Beevee]

Hi Lady Courtessa

I fully understand what you are going through and the effect anxiety can have on a relationship or anything else which means something to you. Anxiety is a slippery customer. It feeds on fear and you have said that the original cause of the fear has been replaced by your fear of fear. This is good because I can help you. My anxiety took the same path as yours but by learning about anxiety and how it manifests itself , you take away some of the fear. You then need to work on the second fear because it is the second fear that keeps your nerves sensitised. As you may know, anxiety is what happens when you have been through a stressful time or event and your nerves have become sensitised. Your nerves remain in a sensitive state because you are still gripping hold of those scary thoughts and feelings. This means more anxiety and it goes round and round. You are in the full anxiety cycle but please do not worry (that is hard when you have anxiety, I know) because there is a way out, a way out that will eventually bring peace of mind and body.

It may be easier if you search for some of my posts by typing my name in the search field, specifically the ones where I mention first and second fear. I had anxiety for 5 years but have recovered.

Briefly, It is your reaction to those crazy, scary thoughts that keep you in the cycle. If you learn to change your attitude to those thoughts, peace will find you. Instead of reacting "What if....my bf doesn't love me or what if he's having an affair, change your attitude to "so what!" I don't care what those thoughts are telling me. And truly mean it!

You have said yourself that deep down, you know the thoughts and feelings are not true and you are absolutely right. So, pay them no attention, let them come but do not resist them, do not fight them, do not push them away or do not control them. If you do any of this, it just feeds the anxiety. Do the opposite and do nothing about them and they will gradually disappear.

I hope this makes some sense to you. Anxiety is a learned behaviour which means you can unlearn it. It just takes a bit of practice to develop your new attitude and allow the anxiety to be there without resistance but it is possible, it is very possible. You have the strength within you to accept it all and carry on with your life and by doing this, normal thoughts and feelings will return.

Happy to explain anything else.

Beevee

[LadyCourtessa in reply to Beevee]

Wow you know a lot and uve recovered... yes true as u said i did change my what if to i dont care but sometimes the fear or fear is still living in me.. its difficult to remove..

[Beevee]

Hello again

The following is a post I sent to help someone else which may help to explain it better.

Learning to accept the thoughts is a gradual process and takes time because it is more about changing your attitude towards the anxiety.

It is hard to accept if you do not understand what is happening to your mind and body. Once you fully understand you are on the way to recovery because the knowledge you develop takes away a lot of the unknown/uncertainty which is scaring you and keeping the anxiety alive. This makes acceptance of your condition a little easier to tolerate.

For example, if a friend told you something scary for the first time, the natural thing is to accept what they are saying is true because you don’t know any different. The result is you may feel scared too. However, if you already knew what you were being told wasn’t the truth, you would ignore it and wouldn’t react. You would just let the story go and it wouldn't bother you. You need to do the exact same thing with your thoughts and feelings. Although scary, the thoughts and feelings are all driven by your anxiety, which is another word for fear. Fear is the root cause of all anxiety disorders. The medical profession just like to give them labels but the treatment is the same. Feeling the fear and doing nothing about it. It is easier to do nothing about it when you know why it is happening and how anxiety can manifest itself. Those thoughts and feelings are not real and just a figment of a very overactive, anxious mind.

Whilst those thoughts and feelings will continue to come uninvited and scare you (let’s call it Fear Flash 1), it is your reaction to those thoughts and feelings that keep you in the cycle. Your reactions are known as Fear flash No 2 but you may not recognise the second fear because they happen instantaneously and may appear to be one Fear flash. It is the second flash that keeps the anxiety alive because you are unwittingly adding more fear to the fear that is already there. This keeps your nerves sensitised, the by-product of which is anxiety. Typically, the second flash is dressed up as a “What if?” question. “What if it is a brain tumour or another dreadful disease?” “What if this new bodily sensation is a sign of something more serious?”. It is all the questioning and analysing going on in your mind that feeds the anxiety and the second fear. As with anything in this world, if you stop feeding the second flash, it will die. So, don’t shrink away from the first flash or add more fear. Let the first fear flash come (don’t even try to stop or control your thoughts because that will keep you stuck too) but do absolutely nothing about them. Let them be there, let them scare you but do not resist them by adding more fear through questioning and constant analysis.

You have anxious thoughts because you have anxiety. They are fuelled by your anxiety so come with an almost physical like force and demand your attention. If you believe those thoughts are lies (and believe me, they are!) it makes it so much easier to accept them. Granted, it is difficult at first but if you keep practising the right way, you will recover. At present, you are making the mistake by believing those thoughts, believing that first fear flash. You are young, have had tests so the likelihood of there being anything seriously wrong with you is very remote. If the doctors have found nothing, accept their findings and move on.

Anxiety comes from stress or a number of stressors and the body' s way protecting itself from further damage. It's a safety device and doing what it has been designed to do. It's just become very efficient at doing it because of you fighting it all the time but by following the advice, your mind and body will calm itself.

All those thoughts are completely false but given great importance by your anxiety/fear. Once you lose the fear that has attached itself to those thoughts, the thoughts will not matter and when they no longer matter, you will be well on the road to recovery and back to your old self. They will probably hang around for a while but will disappear in time. It takes time for your nerves to heal so don't expect the thoughts and feelings to go even when you are fully accepting.

Now, at a practical level, acceptance is also about carrying on with your day and taking the anxiety with you. It relies on avoidance, fighting and/or introspection to stay alive. Acceptance is about being ok about not feeling ok. Does this make sense to you? You will still continue to feel bad for a while but so long as you keep practising acceptance and not resisting the thoughts and feelings, you are giving your mind and body the space it needs to recover which it will be doing behind the scenes.

During my recovery, many, it not all of my symptoms melted away without me even noticing. I only know this because I would look back and think “oh, I’ve not had any scary thoughts about my health for a while"

You will make mistakes on the way to recovery but that is ok. You need to learn to be ok with everything that anxiety throws at you and don’t force anything. It is true that recovery will find you and will creep up without you even knowing. Other interests will start to fill your mind instead of those fearful thoughts and you will start to forget about them. You need to keep doing stuff that you did before the anxiety came along. Anxiety is such a fickle thing, it is easy to build up other fears while in an anxious state. I started off with health anxiety but then switched on to my relationship with my wife and then work and then both but it will eventually leave you.