Well my constant worry and racing thoughts are surely getting the best of me. I'm supposed to be trying to enjoy this cruise I am on celebrating my daughter's sweet 16. And for the most part I'm happy but it's forced. I feel even worse inside because I want to feel genuinely happy and deep down I'm still very sad. I hope I can get some more momentum as the day progress because we just got on the ship. I keep thinking the worst like, "what if I have a panic attack on this ship and something bad happens and they can't save me in time? What if I start getting short for breath? What if I can't fight off a panic attack if one comes?" Just so many thoughts. And this is supposed to be a trip of laughter and relaxing. Also my latest news has added to my worries. I've been informed after getting a routine blood work that my kidney function is below normal. 60 and above is normal mine is 52. Why I'm so worried is because just a month ago it was at 59. What could have caused this to drop 7 points so fast. I'm not diabetic no hypertension. Now I have to get an ultrasound on my kidneys. Now I have more reason to add to my already worried and scared mind. Can anyone relate? But I just hope I can put on a love and happy face and be in great spirit for my daughter on the cruise
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