6 years ago...

[DerekAZduder]

on 9/11/2010 my world came crashing down. the harsh reality hit me that my life would never be the same. 9/11 took on a whole new meaning to me. I didnt buy into the patriotism that 9/11 brought on. because i was a patriot before the attacks and was a patriot after the attacks. being a patriot doesnt mean loving your government, it means loving your country. so when i saw flags for sale and everyone parading around like they loved america it made me fucking disgusted. where was your love before. why did you need THIS to happen to make you love and proud of your country, but i digress... 6 years ago i was told that my friend had informed the police that I had slept with her daughter and that it was all over. I was 22 now and she was 17. our story is one that if people want to know i will tell. im not some pedophile. i just fell in love with someone i shouldnt have and i shouldve waited til she was 18. plain and simple. that is my fault. but the way things went. it led me to where i am today. and while the courts made her out to be the victim... im the one on disability im the one who wants to die. im the one who is scared to be in a city where i received death threats. she.. is fine. i didnt hurt her. at least not that I know of. but she surely hurt me... anyways. if you have anything negative to say please dont. I want to die bad enough. if you have any questions feel free to ask. today is just hard... because it shows me where it started.

[Angep Star]

Hi Derek as reminders go that's one your never going to forget!! No one will. How can anyone put into words the tragedy of what happened that day, but onto What happened between you and that young lady that day is something you both have to live with, Laws are put in place to protect vulnerable people and each country has there own ideas on that.weather we agree with them or not they are there anyway. that's stating the obvious I know. People are afraid to get involved with such cases.Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of it all. what do you want to do with your life? Take what happened to you out of the equation and what were your dreams? I think you're very brave for writing that post, have you ever spoken to the young lady since?

[DerekAZduder in reply to Angep]

yeah. we dated again afterwards. but i got caught again... im really fucking stupid. and then her mom did something scary. she wasnt mad at me. and we worked on our relationship. i even helped them move times and bought them food and anything they needed. but... i wanted more for my life and her life. she was in a bad spot. her mom was a drug addict and would rather get high than pay her electric bill... and I just wanted her to be safe. I told her to move back home because i was moving back to phx to go to itt-tech. things were okay we kept in touch we saw eachother everynow and then when we both visited havasu. but one time... she came to stay with me in phx. and she couldnt handle me working and going to school. I left her alone in my apt. internet food. tv. like it wasnt barren but she freaked out. and things got worse from there. she confessed she had been seeing someone else. and i kinda knew it. we were both really distant. when i found out who it was though. i warned her and tried to get her away from him. he was a 40 year old man. or older. one who in particular called me a pedophile and tried to smear my name across town. long story short. she left him. we got back together. long distance. but she stayed his friend... like everyone knows... it didnt last long. he started getting more of her time than me. and it broke my heart. it was clear... so I broke up with her because I couldnt stand the worrying and being in pain and I knew what he was up to. she ran to him. they just had a kid together... such is life...

[Angep Star in reply to DerekAZduder]

I feel sorry for her!! she Was and still is as far as I can see vulnerable.having an addict as a parent. Sure made her vulnerable. I'm guessing her father wasn't around? If she was my daughter I'd be concerned about the age gap between her and this older guy!!! He obviously wanted her badly enough to start a smear campaign against you. The fact that she chose him over you is perhaps more to do with his age( maybe she was looking for the father figure) it happens!!! I can see you loved her very deeply and it's broken your heart. For whatever reason it wasn't meant to be with you both. so that dosnt make you feel better I know!! I'm going to state the obvious again, but you have to move forwards, she has made her choice rightly or wrongly it's done. So your left with your whole life ahead of you!! You need to try move forwards now!! Don't look back!! Yesterday's sorrows take away today's peace if you let them I'm 54, have 3 grown up children, 4 grandchildren and I can tell you that 75per cent of my life has been pretty harrowing!! So I choose not to look back!! My life was what it was and its taken me many years to feel comfortable with who I am. Instead of being stuck in that never ending cycle of drama and pain and endless misery I'm happy now. Im great full for all the good things in life and the people I love and who love me. I've learned to accept the things I can't change and at the same time change the things I can.somewere out there is the girl for you!! You just haven't met her yet!! You can't change the past but you can walk into your future and try make it what you want it to be. Like I say, don't look back now, don't you think you've punished yourself enough? you do have a future and you do have the power to choose what direction you want to go in. Life is precious, and also very short for some people. We forget how precious it is because the constant battering of the hard times wears us down. But there are lots of good times too,😀 Bye for now👍

[NFDK]

Just like Angep said - you're very brave to write as honestly as you have done. My heart goes out to you. In Great Britain, the age of consent is 16 and many people get married at that age. I feel so sorry for you. Please take care. Wendy x

[DerekAZduder in reply to NFDK]

thank you wendy.. it was just a stupid choice. i dont blame anyone else but me. but I am not a pedophile. the court didnt make me register as a sex offender. and charged me with a class 6 felony child abuse... its still made my life hard. but it could be a lot worse.

[NFDK]

Show me the person who never makes stupid choices.....