Hello.
Maybe i am half-drunk, maybe its 3.48 am here, but i have enough. I dont care if my head is about to explode or there is some chest pain, or i can barely breathe. The most disturbing thing that i havent cried in 1,5 years. I've tried, but nothing comes. No matter how hard i try. Shit, i dont know how to express my emotions. Its all caged inside me. Cant find a solution to this. Fuck this shit.
Whether or not you have seen a doctor you do not make clear but it is important. You have taken the first step by writing on this site and it is apparent that you are in need of help of some sort. I have been in the position you are in at the moment and for me, too, alcohol seemed the best release but it isn't. Self-medication is never a good idea. Crying is a part of an emotional process and ought to be spontaneous and in no way forced. I couldn't cry for what seemed like an age but in retrospect it wasn't. You hint that crying would help you and quite probably it would but please let it come when it is ready to come and not before. Your physical symptoms, chest pain, difficulty in breathing, I cannot comment on because they could be signs of so many things and I am no doctor. Could you speak to your GP and ask him or she to explain to you what treatments might be available for you? I understand completely that when you read these words you will dismiss them as unimportant and extend your hand to the bottle even more. That is the path I took, dismissing anything said to me should that be by family, friends or someone anonymous over the telephone such as the Samaritans, thinking that they had no idea what I was going through but even a pointer in the right direction is something you will be able to get and I sincerely hope that you take that because your quality of life (what quality of life I can hear you saying in your mind) will simply become less and less and less. You are a human being and as such qualify for some kind of comfort in your life but that will not happen unless you get the help that you obviously need. I feel for you, my friend, I really do and please keep in touch with me to let me know how your are, the way your mind is working, what life is like without alcohol and other related matters. Even if I am the one person you feel you can unleash your emotions through since I, like the Samaritans or other organisations, am an unknown to you then please let that happen.
John
Thank you for yours words, you are really kind. Fortunately, both my parents are still alive and im in a good relationship with them, i have friends, and i've found my religion. Thankfully the big part of those black clouds i had went away in November. I can see the bright side of life as i did before.
I have seen a doctor back in December, he said everything is fine. Been to a psychotherapist, didnt worth much for me. I could solve my problem by only in my head. Some symptoms are still here, but i accept it, and can live with them.
Thanks again, i know i will be much more happier than i am now - even if i dont feel like shit these days - and i wish everyone here the same. Overall, why bother? It's just life. 
Best regards.
Gábor
I'm glad you are feeling better. Life means little when it is engaged in such an obfuscation, one which at the time seems never to have a way out from it. But there is always a way out. Having a good relationship with your parents is helpful, too, I suppose and friends, of course. I have no religion I am sorry to say only my belief that love for one another is good enough for me. Thank you for letting me know you are okay.
John
Let this speak to your heart instead of me.
youtube.com/watch?v=weXKuUR...
You will understand. Get better! Love you.
I felt like my cries couldn't come out also, you have to forgive an repent then everything will come out slowly
Getting tired of my marriage 
I want to compare symptoms 
What does my future hold
