Back to work - I hope

[MattBuckland]

Hi guys

Been off work for a full week. Looking to get back on Monday as I am worried the longer I leave it the harder it will be to go back.

Been the worst two weeks of my life, anxious to the point of being suicidal. I live alone and have isolated myself from people so it has been a case of watching the walls draw in. My mum has been on the phone which has been great (would have beat myself up about that a couple of days ago '35 years old and still need my mum - failure) , lucky to have her and my dad and realise that they love me.

The doctor has been great and I have seen a good counsellor.

So, trying to get back on the horse so to speak and know that the biggest thing that I need to do is learn to be kind to myself (gonna be fight but got to glove up, can't let it win).

One point and one request ( sorry for the preamble)

POINT - last week I thought I couldn't live anymore and now although hazy and scary there seems to be a flicker of hope ( I always think that looks like the fluttering wings of a butterfly), so something for everyone suffering to hold on to.

REQUEST - the idea of going back to work is still bringing the tight chest and the negative thoughts, any words of encouragement would be appreciated.

Thinking of you guys, Matt

[Hidden]

Hello

What a difference a couple of weeks can bring

No shame in still needing your Mum , I think no matter how old we get or if we are lucky enough to still have our Mum's around they always have a place in our hearts and so they should do !

Of course the thoughts of going back to work are going to make the anxiety rise ( it secretly is fed up you are breaking free and wants to try and keep a hold on you ) See it as normal after what you have been through and now talking this step if you had no anxiety at all I would wonder what was wrong

Just take each step as it comes , hold your head up high and you will be just fine

Please let us know how you get on

Take Care x

[MattBuckland in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for that Bounce, what I needed.

Will give an update.

Cheers, matt

[uniquediamond]

I'm 33 and I still need my mom! there's nothing wrong with that at all. I was off work for 12 days I had a very bad panic attack 2 in a row actually and after that it felt like a piece of me died inside I couldn't leave my house or even sleep for that matter, I could only focus on go ogling my symptoms and trying to reach out to people that knew what it was like, such a blessing I found this site oh my goodness how am thankful! Dealing with these feelings are very much real and very much scary when you feel like you've lost complete control over your body and mind. One thing is your right there is HOPE and alot of it. Don't be scared because God is right there with us and I know in my heart that better things are yet to come! I'm here if you need to talk k good luck and breath through it and laugh even if it's fake because one there I read was if you fake a laugh it will eventually turn into a real one

[MattBuckland in reply to uniquediamond]

Hi Faith

This means a lot, going to give the laughing thing a go.

Thanks, Matt

[Hidden]

Hi well done that is so positive... I know it must be a scary thought going back to work... Take it easy one small step at a time and I'm sure you will be fine... Stay strong and yes head held up high. You should be well proud of yourself.

[MattBuckland in reply to Hidden]

Nice one Matthew, most appreciated

Matt

[es27]

Hi

I am having similar worries about going back to work next week. My boss told me not to worry about work and not to return to work until I am completely fixed . Having had anxiety for about four years I don't know when I will be as he says completely fixed and I know that no doctors going to sign me off until I'm fixed niether would I want them to . But my worry is that when I go back to work they will send me home and tell me to go back to the doctors for another note . There is no point me lieing as he can see when I am having a bad day . Oh the joys of an over sensitive mind and health anxiety.

Hope all goes well for you when you start back at work.

[es27 in reply to es27]

Oh and I'm a 44 year old man and I am more reliant on my mum now than ever . There is no shame in admitting you need mums help and love no matter what age you are

[MattBuckland in reply to es27]

Hi es27

Sad that there are so many people going through this, but positive that we can support each other. Thanks for your support I hope that you can make it back as well. I suppose what we both need to tell ourselves is that is is not likely that the quality of work is going to be our 'best' and that being at work and having some productivity is an achievement in itself (if I keep saying it.......). Good luck, hope you will post an update when you get back.

Sending out some positive vibes, Matt

[duchess1226]

Keep coming here when you feel alone!! I have kids but I have surges in anxiety when I am alone and just need to talk to get my mind off it and calm down. I feel liek I am constantly calling family and friends but its helps. You have friends who understand here (me included) so check in here when you feel alone! Take care! xo