My social anxiey really ruiend me

[sam0191]

Hi

from a year ago i was diagnosed with social anxiety..i used. Bills for a couple of months...it helps me for. Specific period of time but now the social anxiety is back again

I am 23 years old , My social axiety is destroying me... I have few friends..I cant make new relations with people..never have a girlfried becuse it is very hard for me to talk to girls...once i fall in love with a beatiful girl but could not build a relation with her and each conversation was max for 15 min..we met no more than 3 times and then it over .... I had to leave my college because of my social anxiety ... i didnt tell my mom that i left the college becuse she will react very strongly against me... in the past I did not stay in any job for more than 2 week max..now even dont imagine my self in any any job...i go out of my home once a week. It is really destroying me.. the good thing is i am learning how to build a websites from the internet from my home for the case that in the future maybe my social anxiety will go and I could find a job with this skill but the bad thing it is in vain because i cant stay in any job...I dont know what to do sometimes i am crying I really have very bad life.. my mom now insisting that i have go to work beacue we are in the summer and she thing that it is a college break(she dont know that i left the college) although I spoke with her about my social anxiety but she think that it is not a reason for not going to work...

in the end i just want to live like any other nomal person to work and success in my life but my anxiety prevent me from doing that...my feeling is not stable..it goes from happenis to anxiety, depression, disorder to overthinking and sometimes i think to end my life and more...it is really very hard to live like that...😑😢😩