Feel so alone ... Please help

[Thisisdean]

Hello everyone,

My name is Dean, I'm 24. Can I just say... It's mid night and by chance I came across this website. I found some of the posts really interesting, I signed up immediately and would love to share my struggle and get opinions.

The reason I titled this ' Feel so alone' is because of my personal experience with anxiety ( and some depression) I grew up very confident and fearless but then years of bullying slowly but surely chipped away my confidence. At the age of 18 I all of a sudden got my first panic attack, an ambulance was called and after some tests the paradmedics informed me it was a panic attack ( I didn't even know at the time that this existed)

Since then thing spiralled out of control. Constant fatigue, constantly sick, dizzy and sometimes fainting, panic attacks, vomiting and the list goes on. The mind is insanely powerful.

I struggle to commit to anything cause it makes me panic. Can't study, can't have a relationship, cant hold a job for very long. I've tried yoga, mediation, healthy eating, crystal healing, smoking weed. Name it , I've tried and when that didn't work...

I've taken pills and had CBT therapy. Nothing really helped, pills made me feel even worse. We tried all sorts and gave them all a proper chance. But my body always hated meds. When I say WE I mean , me and the doctor. My parents don't get it. They say I'm lazy, to 'snap out of it' , I've decided I'm anxious and depressed. When I was at my worst, my dear father threw me out of the house cause I couldn't get a job ( again he thought this is due to laziness) Many if not all of my friends stopped talking to me cause I wouldn't go out a lot and didn't want to hear it.

I don't dislike anyone as a result of this but I do feel very alone. I moved from England ( we're I grew up and my family lives) taken all my savings and now in Tel Aviv where I briefly lived before ( my parents own a little flat here and figured the sun might help) . Only problem is... I'm too scared to get a job and my savings are going down. Is there any hope? I feel like I'm completely stuck and don't really have anyone to talk to. I often ask myself... " Dean, how did you get into this situation?"

[Shon48]

Hello Dean, I too have had panic attacks since I was 21 and I'm now 62. I couldn't go anywhere or meet people . Never went out for meals , sometimes had to eat on my own in another room. Like you , I've tried everything possible . The attacks I had gave me IBSD so every time I needed to go anywhere I had to be doped up with Imodium and diazapam. In the last five years I've had breast cancer , lost both my parents and my husband had a stroke. I came across an over the counter pill called Phenergan which is mainly an antihistamine but has a sedative effect . My life has been transformed and my G.P has given me the thumbs up . Whatever can help you use it ,it's your problem and I wouldn't be put off trying different things just because it doesn't suit others.

Phenergan can be purchased on the internet but only one packet per time .

Chemist 2go is a good site . Google it and let me know how you feel .

I wish you better health , it really is a bummer and you are too young to suffer so badly. Give it a shot. 👍🏻

[JackMcG]

Hello Dean, I can empathise with nearly everything you mentioned. It sounds to me like you have chronic anxiety/depression. It is so sad that this is so misunderstood by the vast majority of people. It is classed as a debilitating illness, sadly in most cases it doesn't just go away. We have to work out how to manage it.

Over the years I have been on so many medications for my chronic anxiety/depression disorder. I've tried self medicating with all sorts of things. I really want to tell you that I think smoking weed is a terrible idea. I did it for a long time and honestly it made my anxiety so much worse.

Like I said I have been put on so many different medications. My father is a doctor, so I'm very grateful that he had some understanding of the condition and has never thought of me as lazy. If anything he has been a little over bearing in trying to get me help. My father is actually a very highly regarded doctor in his two specialist fields obstetric/gynaecology and tropical medicine. So he has been able to get me referrals to the top psychiatrists dealing with this particular mental illness (I know that's a label people don't like but chronic anxiety/depression is a mental illness). I have been on so many medications. One that really seemed to help is a drug that most people would think would make anxiety worse. I was prescribed 40 mgs of Dex amphetamine a day. Rather than having a stimulant effect it really evened me out. I found I was able to concentrate on things and just get through each day without feeling constantly anxious and without having panic attacks. It felt like a god send it was the first thing I'd ever found that made a significant difference.

However I moved to the UK from Australia and my psychiatrist refused to prescribe Dexedrine. I was prescribed Concerta, a different, mild central nervous system stimulant. It just didn't have the same effect. It made me feel paranoid and brought the anxiety and depression back with a vengeance. I've been hospitalised in psychiatric wards on a few occasions because the anxiety was causing me terrible insomnia which was exacerbating my depression to the point that I became mute and stopped eating. Eventually my psychiatrist hit upon a regime of medicines and therapy that helps me. I still have severe bouts of both anxiety and depression. I will tell you the medicines I take but there is no reason to believe they will work for you all brains can react differently to medications. I take the antidepressant Mirtazapine and another called venlafaxine, I used to take a major tranquilliser called quitiapene, I also take zopiclone and diazepam and I also take a very strong opiate analgesic for a completely unrelated medical reason. I think I have reached a point where my illness is manageable. Of course I have up and down days still. I am so much better than I was, I can say at last that I'm not suffering though life is still a struggle.

I would urge you not to give up. Please try to resist the urge to self medicate, I did that for years and it only made me worse in the end, much worse. If you are thinking of taking Promethazine (phenergen) for any length of time on a regular basis you should definitely speak to a doctor about it. This medication can cause something called tardive dyskinesia ........and you really don't want that. It is quite effective though. Speak to your doctor before using it.

I don't know how the Israeli health service works. I do know they are very forward thinking. I don't want you to lose hope. There is help out there, and I'm sure you will find a way forward that works for you.

I really hope things work out for you Dean. Know that you're not alone, millions suffer from this condition. It's a great shame that it's not understood by the public yet. It will be one day. Be tenacious and open to different treatment options. Exercise is something I feel I can reccomend. It's only side effects are tiredness and thirst ha ha.....but I've found it helps distract my mind and I tend to feel less depressed when I'm exercising.

Best wishes and best of luck mate

Jack.