My name is Dean, I'm 24. Can I just say... It's mid night and by chance I came across this website. I found some of the posts really interesting, I signed up immediately and would love to share my struggle and get opinions.
The reason I titled this ' Feel so alone' is because of my personal experience with anxiety ( and some depression) I grew up very confident and fearless but then years of bullying slowly but surely chipped away my confidence. At the age of 18 I all of a sudden got my first panic attack, an ambulance was called and after some tests the paradmedics informed me it was a panic attack ( I didn't even know at the time that this existed)
Since then thing spiralled out of control. Constant fatigue, constantly sick, dizzy and sometimes fainting, panic attacks, vomiting and the list goes on. The mind is insanely powerful.
I struggle to commit to anything cause it makes me panic. Can't study, can't have a relationship, cant hold a job for very long. I've tried yoga, mediation, healthy eating, crystal healing, smoking weed. Name it , I've tried and when that didn't work...
I've taken pills and had CBT therapy. Nothing really helped, pills made me feel even worse. We tried all sorts and gave them all a proper chance. But my body always hated meds. When I say WE I mean , me and the doctor. My parents don't get it. They say I'm lazy, to 'snap out of it' , I've decided I'm anxious and depressed. When I was at my worst, my dear father threw me out of the house cause I couldn't get a job ( again he thought this is due to laziness) Many if not all of my friends stopped talking to me cause I wouldn't go out a lot and didn't want to hear it.
I don't dislike anyone as a result of this but I do feel very alone. I moved from England ( we're I grew up and my family lives) taken all my savings and now in Tel Aviv where I briefly lived before ( my parents own a little flat here and figured the sun might help) . Only problem is... I'm too scared to get a job and my savings are going down. Is there any hope? I feel like I'm completely stuck and don't really have anyone to talk to. I often ask myself... " Dean, how did you get into this situation?"