Fear and brokenness.

[Annielane]

I'm constantly afraid I'm going to get hurt. Physically and emotionally. Like my heart's always beating and I'm holding my breath just waiting for the pain to hit. Waiting for this big eruption of chaos and pain. I expect terrible things to always happen because my life feels like one big terrible event. I hate always living in fear. I am afraid of so much. And I hate that I have a reason to be. Hate that I let the world break me. I had so much spirit and joy. And now.. Now I'm a depressed and anxious mess. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to find my joy again. But I've lost all faith in people and life. Good things are a lie to me now. Happiness is like some big joke that I don't understand. 

[Hidden]

Hello

It sounds like people places and things as I say have affected you in some way and I am so sorry to here that as it does make you stop trusting and believing 

I think a lot of us life will be able to relate that life has thrown some bad things our way and left us feeling broken but if it helps it is nothing to do with that fact you are you this happens to so many but we are very sensitive people so it can be hard for us to deal with but we can deal with it and we can learn to trust and be happy again

Are you seeing your Doctor about how you are feeling , if not I would go and speak with them some therapy might be a good way to help you understand what has been happening in your life as well as helping you to build your confidence again

If you have spoken to the Doctor I would still go back again and ask for help let them know you are not feeling any better 

People will relate and understand on here so hope it helps in a small way to know you have somewhere you can come and talk

Take Care x 

[Hidden]

F.E.A.R. stands for False, Evidence, Appearing, Real...don't ever think "I must not think that".  Let all your thoughts come, don't run away from them.  See them for what they are - thoughts exaggerated because of the way you feel.  They can't do you any harm and they mean nothing.  They won't be around when you recover, so pay them no respect. 

 Good things ARE going to happen and that spirit and joy you once had IS going to come back.  This silly world won't break you because you aren't going to let it.  You seem like a strong person and you'll fight this I know.