I just read a post here written by someone else about a moment in their life where everything seems to be going wrong with herself and I kind of feel the same which is why I signed up. I just really needed to talk to someone but I'm just so ashamed of how I am that I don't feel I can talk to anyone I know.
I have suffered from minor anxiety since I was in high school. Mainly bug exams and important things like that set it off and I used to feel dizzy and tingly but I never really despaired until my final year. Even then it was just one crazy incident where I was crying and acted a little weird and then after I talked to my family everything was okay and I got over it quite quickly.
Then when I was in my final year of university I had a full blown panic and I ended up staying in bed for days, barely eating or drinking anything. Even thought my university was amazingly understanding about everything I still had so many days during my final year where I would feel depressed and useless. So much so that I ended up having to postpone my final year and do it the next year instead. I felt so disappointed in myself because all my cousins and siblings and family seemed to not really understand what was wrong with me. Don't get me wrong; they were supportive and wonderful but I felt like they looked at me a little different since they found out. I still managed to get over that because a friend of mine in the same course and year had postponed her final year a little earlier than me and it was so comforting to talk to her. After I finished my final year I seemed to be okay and life was going well for almost a year.
Then today happened. I've found it really difficult to find a job and for almost 6 months I was unemployed but then I got a position at a really great place with nice people and it's excellent for my CV, but it's not the job I want. I keep telling myself that everyone has to start somewhere and having a job looks better in the future to get the job I want but I have started to feel in the past week or so that I absolutely dread going into work and working there. Some days I've felt my nerves are stretched and I am so tense that I can't breath and I have to go walk around to calm down. Tonight (Sunday) I just started broken down and balling my eyes out because I simply don't want to go into work. I am so pathetic! I try reasoning with myself like it's only 10 more weeks till summer break or I can hold out till I get a position somewhere else or till I get replies from postgrad courses because then I at least am set up for the future and I'll have something to tell my parents but I feel like I'm going crazy and I just can't cope anymore. Please someone help me!