Caring about what others think too much.....

[gldavis447]

One of my main problems I have found is listening to people's opinions and caring about what other people think too much. I feel that if I can break this mindset I will feel a lot better but how to do it I don't know. Does anyone else feel like this or have any advice to what I can do to think about myself a bit more? I find a lot of my family get shitty with me when I think about myself and dont go to social occasions a lot. How do you keep yourself and everybody happy? 

[Hidden]

Hello

O goodness could write a book on this and had to reply to your post 

I have had this problem most of my life as well as always feeling there is one rule for everyone else and one for me especially when it comes to family !

Have you ever noticed though that while you are running around trying to please everyone else you never do and at the same time you end up hurt and not happy either ?

I was once talking with someone about this and they said you know what if you pleased yourself and stopped trying to please everyone else at least that would be one person happy " You " 

I thought point taken !

Putting it into practice though when you have been so used to pleasing everyone can be really hard and when you do start saying no the guilt you feel , the self doubt you have to stay strong and do your up most to keep believing in your own opinion and judgments and the people you start saying no to or running around trying to please do not like it one bit to start with because they are so used to us been that people please'r they can start getting a little bit annoyed with us but if you stick with it and as I say ride the waves that come with this change if you make it I will be honest either one or two things I have found has happened they eventually accept it or they don't !   

I have had family that don't if I am honest and the relationship is not as close but then it was only close before because I would be saying yes all the time , so I have had to ask myself well is it really the kind of relationship I want with family that as long as I am doing what they will be ok with me ?

Anxiety brings low self esteem and I think this is why we find ourselves in this position but there comes a time where we have to start putting ourselves first , believing in our selves and believing it is ok to not go along with everything that everyone wants to try and keep them happy and if not doing so and they don't like it well that is their problem not ours 

But you are certainly not on your own with this one , like I said at the start I could write a book on this subject but I have at least got 50% better at been a people please'r . still find it hard but at the same time it has helped me to

Take Care x  

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Count me in on this one Bounce.   I've noticed in this forum that most of us are in this category who suffer from Anxiety.     Have a good weekend x

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

I agree Agora

Hope you are well and have a lovely weekend to x

[PaulaL]

I have this problem too, I actually gave up to do or buy something just because I think the others will think is silly, and I will have to explain why I did that. But my psychologist convince me that my opinions and desires are so important as any other. So I tried to start showing my opinions in something small, like watch a TV show that I know my mother doesn't like, when she accepted that, I tried other thing. Is difficult in the beggining, but eventually you get more confortable in defend you point of view.

And other tip: you can know what the other people are thinking, because each one have different opinions, what is awkward for you, maybe is totally normal for your friend. The only way to know is trying and see how he reacts

[gldavis447]

I have found it to be what I struggle with most and whats affecting my recovery most. I have recently been put on anti-depressants and because of my anxiety also I find it very difficult to socialise now. I always feel so low and its making it hard for me to find any belief. In the past at social occasions I have had to drink copious amounts of alcohol to feel comfortable. I have completely stopped drinking now though as I know its not doing me any good. 

Certain people in my life dont understand how I feel and because I'm so sick of the judgements and opinions I avoid everything as to me its the only way I can deal with it. I know its the wrong thing to do and I should face my anxieties but its tough. As well as trying to deal with my own issues I can't deal with everyones negativity and judgements when they just arent right. Just because I dont socialise I'm being judged and just because I dont eat sometimes I automatically have an eating disorder. I think to myself sometimes its only because they are worried and they care but I also think well theres nicer ways of putting things. 

My partner tells me every day Gem dont worry about what others think, if they dont like it its tough. You know deep down youre a good person. All I need to do is get that plugged in my brain. Its nice to talk to others who are in the same boat, I send you all my love and hugs xxxx