I just read a post that really made total sense to me..........it all feels so pointless sometimes when youre numb and youve spent all your money on treatments that dont work im tired my immune system is not great i keep getting sick and pickup up bugs cold s and flus that take me weeks sometimes months to shake and i can only work seven hours a week emotional abandonment is so soul destroying it destroyed m ymind body and soul in ways i cant even voice but i feel broken and tired and listless ive stopped trying to communicate with my friends i cant really keep them anyway i cant nuture friendships im too tired and usually ill with something.........i often think it would be easier to be dead then do this im not suicidal and im not depressed even though it sounds like it ive just exhausted all my avenues and im done with it. People dont get it anyway thats why this site is so cool people on here do. They know what its like to struggle to be you i wish i could be myself i cant be me the numbness wont let me i hate it, im lost out here im 43 and i feel really really old all my friends are in their sixties cause im living the life of sixty something year old thanks to PTSD and i cant fix it. God can fix it and he will but i dont know when in the meantime its all about endurance. This world is a sick place full of sick people doing sick stuff and i know there are still good people out there too but im in my own little world i spend a lot of time at home i dont like being out there too long i like being at home where i can control my environment sad but true.