A little bit about me and my dilemma..

[star-dust-pixie]

I've had anxiety since I can remember, I had a panic attack and became reclusive at the age of 13/14.

I dreaded everyday through school and some how got through it.

I then had to enter the world of work, my first job as a waitress I couldn't handle the stress and had a few panic attacks..this was when I was 14.

I had a paper round for the next year or two and that was nice because I got to walk about on my own early morning before school.

My first real job at the age of 18 was a carer and I ended up having a mental breakdown 14 months into the job, I quit and went to move in with my partner and his parents.

I took 2 years to of work to try and cope and deal with my break down.

I had CBT for getting me out of the house and to be more active and I was signed off after 2 months.

I eventually had to go get a job, I got a job in a local shop but I started having panic attacks and the anxiety was there 24/7.

The doctors prescribed be propranolol which really helped.

I managed to go to work, leave that job for another one and even go on nearly 2 years later to ween myself off my propranolol and help myself with the mental side of anxiety.

I now have a new job, I'm not on propranolol, I've got my 5th day tomorrow and it feels like I'm back at square one because I'm on the verge of anxiety and panic attacks every 5 minutes, I'm really stuggling, every night I'm on the verge of tears....

The bad stomachs, racing heart, hearing my own heart beat pounding in my ears, loss of appetite, the throwing up, the night terrors, night sweats and everything else are back...even the stress migraines.

I've got 2 boxes of propranolol are downstairs but I don't know whether to take them again because I'll of taken loads of steps back and I'll disappoint everyone....

I really feel I need them again to get me through starting this new job...other wise I may just have a full break down.

I don't know what to do...

I think I'm going to just have to get through tomorrow and Sunday, go to the doctors Monday and see if I can still get them on prescription so I know I can get them when ever I run out and for as long as I want...

Is this the right thing?

Sorry...it's a bit long and such.