Just a bit of background information about me:
For 4 years I had chronic pelvic pain and had many investigations and operations and it all ended with a hysterectomy at the age of 26 in the summer of last year. I was feeling so happy afterwards because I wasn't in pain anymore and then slowly I started to experience lots of mental health problems: depression, anxiety, panic attacks and self-harming.
This morning I found a poem that I had written a few years ago and it made me realise that I've been suffering with mental health problems for a lot longer than just the last few months. I hope you don't mind me sharing the poem but I felt so sad reading it and thought it might help in some way.
She paints on a smile like a unhappy clown
Nobody would know she was feeling so down
Confused thoughts dash nervously through her head
The thought of another day fills her with dread
"Why me?" she cries, with a crack in her voice
Another treatment, another medication, yet another 'choice'
Every step is agony, every movement is pain
But the smile and the cheerfulness she tries to maintain
"I'll be alright!" she says, "I'll learn each day to cope"
Inside it begins to grow smaller, the tiny seed of hope
She lives in a lonely world where no one understands
But her sorrow melts a little as he softly strokes her hands
She moans, she whines, she cries rivers of tears
A brave face she puts on concealing her fears
"You look much better, you must be fine"
Look behind the smile, and you will see it's not mine.
Hope you are all doing ok today xxx