People not aware

I was told today by my wife that I don't make her happy, and that because I've not overcome my ptsd and anxiety following the last few years events she can't live happy with me... it is something we have talked about and I have always tried to explain that I can't give her a time line or any assurances that I will ever be the same as before! But that I am trying and doing my best and that I hate the way I feel more than she does.

It feels like your getting somewhere explaining feelings,fears, anxieties etc then something as simple as that is said and I think "I'm not sure she gets it". I am laid back and calm but it's not helping

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22 Replies

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  • Sorry to hear that, is so hard trying to tell someone how u feeling or what u going through if they haven't never been through it

  • mattmorris, I'm sorry. I know how it feels in having family not understand what it is like. Friends disappear because they can't understand what it's like for us either. Even close friends. Anxiety is truly a lonely experience. That's why this forum is so helpful in letting out the emotions we can't express to others. We can only do our best with what we've been given in life. You are not alone in your feelings. Take care of you and breathe.....

  • It's certainly difficult in a relationship when one suffers and the other has absolutely no idea at all !. I think it's quite a common thing.

    Maybe it would be best for people with anxiety and depression to have relationships, but would you end up making each other worse or would you support each other more, guess both really.

    It's broken a long term relationship I had, even though they did try to understand. I in the end, ended it. I set them free to find someone who they could be happy in life with, things just change sometimes and no one is to blame.

    I still see them, infact the dog in my picture is theirs, nasty bugger it is too. They're happy and so am I.

  • It's worrying isn't it. Try to show you understand their side of it, like say i know it can be hard when i....' but if you're doing your best that's great and all you can do and still an achievement.

  • Thank you. I do appreciate I can be not the easiest to live with, certainly not quite the catch I was!!! 😂

  • Modest aye !! ;-)

  • I'm knocking on now with a side helping of anxiety!

  • Bloody worst thing was, I left everything, I took NOTHING.

    Rented a house and had NOTHING, yeah thats bound to keep the stress down !!

    I felt guilty as hell. It's ok I've had a breakdown, I'll leave so I don't bother ya, yeah have everything !!.

    I was certainly mentally ill that's for sure !!.

  • I can see where she is coming from she waiting for you to come back to her, are you doing all you can to get help? I have suffered for most of my life with anxiety and depression (trauma in childhood) I'm 43 living with my partner and our 3teens, my partner as OCD,BDD and anxiety, we haven't been to a family party, funeral together for 22yrs I had a break down before Xmas because he couldn't go to our daughter 21st birthday party I thought he could have done it for her but he couldn't, I understand but want him to fight for the help he needs to get well, he doesn't think medication is the answer he thinks he can do it I said if you can do it why haven't you,

    I'm sorry I'm ranting now just haven't spoken to anyone about this because no one would understand.

    I'm sure she still very much in love with you or she would just go.

  • How did you meet and was he like that before you were married etc.

  • think he's always had anxiety and a touch of ocd, I didn't know about the bdd till he seen a therapist 3 years ago but he didn't tell me he had it till before Xmas ( I knew it was something but didn't know what) he tried getting help because he knew our daughter's birthday was coming, but it didn't help much the just diagnosed bdd OCD and anxiety, they didn't know how to treat it so waiting for funding NHS is a joke when its mental health, hand out and get on with it.

  • To be honest he isn't making it easy on himself when he could. Medication has its place and he should be on it tell him......

    Hope it improves for you as time passes !

  • thankyou for taking the time to chat 😊

  • Hello Matt,

    My spouse and I are handling things fairly well....Regret it's not the same with you. During the really difficult periods, my husband has weathered it well. He has told me he doesn't like my condition, but has learned to accepted it. But there is something else he told me too....He knows I love him and he loves me and knows I would manage to cover his back when needed in spite of my PTSD...and I have. I'm not certain how I've done that, except sometimes when his well being is at stake it is like the story of the 90 lb. woman lifting a car to save someone under it that she loves.

    We have been married ten years this July, and I had PTSD when we married..it took several years for my husband to really begin to understand it and realize the implications it would have on our lives together. He had been married twice before for 5-7 years each time when he wanted divorces.

    One time in our marriage about 5 years ago, he acted like he was going to leave. I thought for a moment and decided "no". I managed to forcefully tell him he had a pattern of running away when relations had hard times.....but marriage is hard at times. Then I left the room. (I guess I actually was angrier than anxious about him leaving....and felt I had nothing to loose.) That moment was a was a very positive milestone in our marriage.

    It was going to be all or nothing....and I (we) made it to be "all". We are better now than ever before. (I was afraid he would choose "nothing"...but he hasn't)

    I am sincerely hoping that Easter holiday is just adding a bit more tension in your marriage for the moment and that the opportunity falls your way to turn you marriage situation towards the better.

  • That sucks. Things happen in life and for someone to say that who was supposed to love you through it all makes me wonder if she's not good enough for you.

  • I am sorry you are in this horrid situation.

    Have you tried EFT tapping for it?

    Go on You Tube and look for - 'EFT for Trauma' or 'EFT for PTSD'. It looks a bit weird but it works. It costs nothing but time and a bit of effort to learn how to do it for yourself. You tap repeatedly on acupressure points. Or it could be worth paying a practitioner to help you.

    It is successful in helping War vets recover from PTSD. Give it a try!

  • Have a look at this one and try it - and there's loads more.

  • Ouch, basically got this from a friend recently. Which hurt cause this person always said things like "I know you won't change overnight, take your time, don't rush"

  • I hurts doesn't it. Do you find you push people away because you don't want to show that you have changed? I do that lots. I used to love being sociable and loved to talk and engage with people and help people but I find I am safest when I am alone now, but then that gets lonely too x

  • For me it feels like I can't cope with the fact that I have made progress, but all the damage that's been done to relationships may never heal...it feels like the progress I've made is worthless so why try. The people involved tend to feed this with their words, instead of giving me the space I need to find hope.

    I've always been more introvert, but if I like the person or they need me then I'm extremely outgoing. But now this very rarely happens. So kind of similar to what you said. It is very lonely...

  • It is lonely, you need to believe in yourself, you are a bright young lady and have lots and lots to achieve and fight for. I too feel really regrettable and lonely from broken relationships and friendships, and it does feel like they aren't salvageable but there are good people in the world I tell myself and hope to find them or let them find you x

  • Hey Matt,

    If your wife says that you don't make her happy, it's really about her perspective. If she can't make herself happy, no one can. I'm sorry to see you're going through some marital problems. I've been there too, they're stressful.

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