I have suffered from mild anxiety for a few years but in the last two months my wife of 12 years walked out on me, I had no idea up to that point she was not happy we did have normal problems that most couples have but nothing that could not of been sorted out. We had or what I thought we had was a really strong relationship and I loved her very much and I,m finding it so hard to carry on now my whole world has fallen apart. As I said before I do have anxiety and OCD which made things hard sometimes but I never thought it would come to this. I came home and found her packing I begged with her not to go but it was like she was a different person one I never knew and now she has not had any contact in 6 weeks I have send text and tried to call but nothing, I feel so lonely and just walk around all day in a daze i', self employed and have very little work on at the moment which makes it even worse, We also didn't have any kids as neither of us wanted them really we just enjoyed our life together. Any help or advice would be good as I have never felt so unhappy alone and deverstated as really have no idea how I can carry on at the moment.
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miami
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Hi No don't have anybody really I gave all my mates up when I met her. Our friends were hers really and now all.
This is a very difficult time for you and you must try to keep yourself well.
Your mind will be doing overtime, and you may be reaching for the internet to find answers to your questions and reasons for any of this.
Download / buy an Andrew G Marshall book and read through and see if any of it applies. It helps you find ways to deal with when someone wants to walk out or has walked out.
If the best you can do is get through each day, or each half day, then that is enough right now. It really is. Anything that propels you through each hour is good.
She will have to make contact if you were married to discuss how to move forward anyway. You need to find ways to see things from her viewpoint to have got to this place. Listen listen listen to her when you do have contact.
And just look after yourself. The daze is normal. You WILL be ok.
I can only imagine what a shock this must have been especially after 12 years of marriage
Usually there will be signs that things are not right but you say before you found her packing to leave you had no idea it had got to this stage
If it were me for now and I know it will be hard for you but I would stop texting and give her space
It could be then that after you have given her that time she maybe prepared to talk because I would imagine you will have joint things after 12 years that will need talking through but don't push it for now but I would say give it 4 weeks and if you have heard nothing from her by then then try and get in touch and simply tell her that you think after 12 years of marriage you would like to get together on mutual ground she can even bring someone with her as support if she feels she needs to but if she has made her mind up that she no longer wants to make this marriage work you would like to know what went wrong and how she wants to proceed regarding your shared assists
If she agreed to meet you once you have given her space you could also ask when you met up if she would consider Marriage Counselling before she gave up the 12 years you have been together
I know it will not be easy but if things have come to a head for her , maybe pressure by messaging her all the time you will add more pressure on her and clarify in her mind she has done the right thing so space is needed for now and you need support , have you friends ? a good GP ? family members that you can lean on , try and get out as much as you can , keep as occupied as you can you will work through this and I won't lie it will be painful but so many of us have survived the pain , built a new life again and got through it and so will you
Still no better really not really heard still after 3 months but still feeling terrible and just want to move on but just can't stop loving her i'm trying hard but its just not happening. I still can't stop thinking about it 24/7 how long can these take? I just feel there is no purpose in life anymore it really is a awful thing I don't know if this is normal or weather I'm just weak.
I am sorry to hear that things have not got any better for you
Eventually I would imagine she will have to have some kind of contact as I said before because you will have shared assists or maybe she is happy to let you keep everything ?
You are far from weak , when people spilt up it takes a long time to come to terms with it, you obviously love her and you cannot just switch your feelings of like that but in time it will get easier
When you find yourself thinking about her try as much as you can to make yourself stop and think of other things
You do sound like you are down and maybe it would be a good idea to speak with your Doctor , some medication just to help you through this at the moment might really help you
It will get better , there is no time scale on how long it will take for you to get over this but you will in time
Be kind to yourself , keep as busy as you can and allow yourself time to heal
Keep in touch and think about speaking to your Doctor as well as friends and family
Thank you again its good to know people care and can offer there time for advice. In answer to your question I have no idea what she will be wanting I just have to wait and see. I may go to the doctor I really just did want to take medication but I feel so low that maybe its the only answer? I was hoping exercise would help and it has a bit I think but maybe not enough. All I want to do everyday is find her and tell her how much she has hurt me and how much I love her but she has made it clear she does not love me or want to be with me so I know its pointless. The fact its Christmas makes it much worse aswell we always went away to centre parcs at Christmas which I loved.
I have been where you are at so I do know how you will be feeling and there are going to be a lot of " Firsts " to get through , first Birthday , first Christmas without them and so on and I won't lie and say it does not hurt , of course it does !
One thing I would advise you try and do and that is not think back to last Christmas and so on , this makes the pain 1000 worse , distract that mind
Avoid going places and doing things you used to do together for a long time
Try and accept that things now are going to be different , you are powerless over her but not over yourself you have the power to get through this and you will
You say you are still in love with her but she has obviously changed from the woman you married so the person you feel you are in love with is no longer there , you are more in love and hurting over a memory , keep reminding yourself of that it can help
Medication is not a weakness especially if it helps us get through some bad times
We have headache we will take a painkiller and not feel weak for doing so this is no different
I would advise you to speak with your Doctor
Take a day at a time , try not to focus to much on Christmas , it is one day and will be here and gone and you can and will find something to do and you always have these Communities where you can come and chat
One day you will look back on this and even though I know you won't believe it at the moment you will see this happened for a reason and usually that reason once we get through it is to are advantage , you need to give yourself time x
Thanks again I know I did things wrong but its only when you look back you realise this, Its so annoying people or maybe mostly men don't notice things until its to late. I would love to go back and put everything right but its to late. But at least I have learned for the future and not make the same mistakes. I don't know about anybody else on here that has been through the same but I find the loneliness is the worst part.x
In a relationship there are two people and on both sides we make mistakes so don't be giving yourself all the blame , she will have made her fair share of mistakes to as no one is perfect but usually as all marriages are never easy when you love each other you work them out together she decided to walk away instead so please don't start going down the road of taking everything on your shoulders because it has not worked and believe me as I am a women we make mistakes and realise when it is to late to as we are all humans and none of us perfect
But yes they do say the things that hurt us the most we learn the most from and if we can learn and become a better person because of them then that is a positive x
Bad weekend, They are always the worst as we would always go out somewhere. Now I just find myself walking on my own and going somewhere to eat alone it really is a lonely miserable life now. I think what made me feel worse was she drove past me yesterday morning and noticed my car and just look the other way again very hurtful and made me feel very sick all day. I really do hope life gets better as it really can not get any worse. The bigger picture is there is a lot worse things happen to all sorts of different people and I just have to remember that and not get so caught up in what has happened to me. x
I am sorry I thought I had replied to you yesterday and then realised today I had not
How are you feeling now ?
There will always either be part of the week or weekends maybe that after a break up we struggle with the most ,somehow as it seems to be weekends for you , you have to plan ahead making sure you will not be on your own all weekend or make plans that you will not feel so alone doing
Look around your area maybe and see if there are any walking groups or whatever your interests are that you could possibly join , you could also make new friends this way
Yes it will hurt that she drove past and did not look but then again had she looked that would have hurt to and there will come a time when you meet face to face and it will no doubt hut but all these things we have to go through as well as the pain so we can come out the other side and you will get stronger
Believe it or not there will come a day when you can be in the same room as her and not feel any pain at all but it all takes time , these are very early days at the moment you have to remember that
Of course there are worse things happening to people in the world and we can empathise but as I always say we cannot feel their pain we can only feel our own
Have you thought anymore about talking to your Doctor ?
I do wonder if just a short course of medication or even some Counselling could help you at this time
Hi. Had some work today so that's all a better day for me. Its all up and down really at the moment I maybe get a couple of days out of 7 when I don't feel so bad. I think she had some sort of mid life crisis although she was only 39 but I have not had my experience with all that so I could be wrong. Its a very strange world and thinks that would of shocked me in the past don't anymore. Hope you are ok and again thank you for being so understanding and caring.x
Well you made me smile when you said you think she had a mid life crises even though she was only 39
I think men and women can be strange and wonderful at the same time we never really work ourselves out let alone working out what happens in other peoples heads
I have a Son bless him 23 and he is finding women really hard to understand and he has not even got married yet , well he is still looking for the one to be honest and as his Mum he keeps asking my advise and things seem to be changing so much with what he tells me I am lost on what advise to give but what I do say is when the time is right the right person will come along , stop looking and they eventually will find you
Well I see a positive there , two in fact , one you had a little sense of humour in your reply and 2. you are getting two good days out of 7 , I am sure that is an improvement from when it first happened so that is positive , I know it will take time and any small positives is a sign it will get better x
Hope so. Long as I'm out and not sitting in the house I find I feel better. I have a small removal business and our main times are from March to Sep so its a quiet time. Maybe I will try and get a evening job to get out until then. Its quite strange I have suffered with quite bad anxiety for a couple of years and had the usual horrible symptoms and I had them all but since this has happened I have had none? when you have something else to worry about funny how all that disappears. x
Not sure if you need the extra cash but if not have you ever thought about Volunteer work
I know their are organisations screaming out for help especially at this time of the year
I suffer with ocd and agoraphobia but if I didn't I would love to volunteer helping putting these shoe boxes together what they do for the homeless , elderly , people that won't have much at Christmas and would love to take them and help distribute them and so many positives , not only would you be helping people less fortunate , but you could possibly make friends with the other Volunteers and I bet that feeling you would get from helping others would be great , I know everyone does not always feel that way but I know I would
This is common when something else takes over out life's the anxiety will be pushed to one side , lets hope it stays away but just be cautious that it might be lurking ready to remind you it is still there but hopefully not x
O a busy weekend , to much to do and not enough time to do it in
Now I am not sure I maybe going through a mid life crisis to but all this Christmas hype I will be glad when it has come and gone again
I think there is way to much build up which can then only leave us feeling our expectations have not been met , bet you are starting to wish you had never asked me
How about you , what have you been up to ? are you feeling any better ? I do hope so x
its up and down really long as I'm out and not at home I feel better. Still feel bad weekends and morning as horrible you open your eyes and for about 5 seconds everything is fine then you remember and the sick feeling is back but just hoping next year will be better, It really cant get any worse I suppose. Have a great one x
I always say we never get more given us than what we can deal with
At times I have thought I really can't deal with this yet always have and you will to
I know you won't see it but you are better in your replies than what you started out with so there is progress but others can see it more
I know exactly what you are saying about that feeling of waking up and then reality hits , but get out of bed get moving , accept that's normal and eventually one morning you will wake up and realise later in the day you had and you never had that feeling !
I hope you have the best Christmas you can , like I have said firsts of everything always feel the worse so bear that in mind if you feel that way and tell yourself it is normal but this is just now and not forever
Hope you are ok and all sorted for Christmas? I have had a bad few days just felt so depressed its probably being Christmas and feeling so alone just don't know why I cant snap out of it, Its not like me for something to effect me so badly. I have booked a doctor app in Jan so think I will get some sort of anti depressant. I really said I would never take them but I know I need something as I cant feel like this for any longer and I'm not sure what else to do to help. I just feel there is nobody out there for me but there must be somewhere? some people seem to be ok on there own but I hate it so much maybe because its been so long since being on my own. I still keep thinking how could somebody that loved me can do this to me I'm just so confused how people can change I have never experienced anything like this and it so shocking. Sorry just had to rant on to get it out of my system before I go mad. Take care xx
I did wonder how you were doing and thought well all seems quite maybe that is a good sign but not surprised to see your reply and that you feel low , I would have been more shocked if you had said you had never been happier and this was the best Christmas ever !
Of course you are going to feel this way , this is going to hurt I won't lie about that , this is a shock , heartache and a dramatic change in your life and you have to work through it and that takes time , but you will do it I know you will
Now this Christmas thing we put so much importance on it don't you think ? and it is just one day !
I am sat here with a cold and infection , upset stomach feeling rather yuk , so that maybe my Christmas not so great but you know what I just think well I will have to make the best of it with how I am feeling , and maybe that might help you , just don't expect what used to be but accept this Christmas you will just make the best of it whatever the best maybe
I think it is the best idea that you have had so far making that appointment and don't see taking meds as a defeat or a weakness or something , think of it as a temporary help while you get back o your feet and don't we all need help in one way or another sometimes ?
I always think we can spend forever with the wondering why people do this and that and we never get the answers because we never know what goes of in peoples heads including our own sometimes and we drive ourselves even more down trying to work it out
I would say distraction , distraction , distraction is what you need to do the next couple of days , keep yourself as occupied as you can
What are your plans anyway for Christmas ?
Remember once you have got through this Christmas which you will the rest will get easier x
Hi. I do find when I think or do something different or outside you forget for a bit so yes that will help. I will go to my mums Christmas day she is on her own well has been for 30 years so it will be a quiet one sitting round there in 100 degree heat as she is always cold and watching terrible tv but its better than being in my house alone. Anyway hope you feel better soon When I get a cold or flu the world stops but I am a bloke so that's normal I suppose. Take care and speak to you soon.x
Yes they do help with all that but they can take up to 3 months to work and so you get the full effect even though you may start to see a difference after a few weeks x
Hi. No not really never really liked new year when I was younger so definitely not up for it now. I love London and went there new year a couple of years back and it was terrible you cant move or see anything and Devon where I live there is nothing happening ever so probably a night thinking about where I went wrong in life is on the cards.lolx
Yes I'm hoping so. I would say it couldn't get any worse but it definitely could so wont say that. Do you ever get out? or is it a real struggle? Also just wanted to ask if you don't mind do you have any experience with anti depressants? I know my cousin is on them and said she had to try loads before one worked? Do you just have to go with what the doctor tells you to take?x
I don't get out to much I suffer with agoraphobia which is mainly due to ocd , I try the best I can and as I always say all you can do is try your best
I have some experience with meds and yes it can be true that sometimes the first one's they try you on may not be the one for you but that is not the case for everyone and they just go on the one and stop on them because they suite them
But I would say before you start thinking one doesn't suite you give it at least 3 months
If there is a antidepressant that you would prefer to take you have every right to ask to go on that one , the only reason really a doctor could refuse you to if there was something in your health history that they would not be suitable for you to take them otherwise they have no right to refuse , but they may ask why you would like to take that particular one so have your reply ready
You will be fine I know you will just take this in stages , you have already got through Christmas you are doing great x
Thank you. I'm trying hard, Normally I'm quite a happy chilled happy go lucky person and not really worried about anything until this? I really didn't think anything in life would effect me like this, Its been a real shock and learning curve that your not the person you though you were if that makes any sense.x
This is one of the biggest things that can happen to someone in a way it is like a bereavement but hurts more in a way as you know they are still about so it would knock anybody unless they never loved that person which you did
Wow that was a quick reply?? yes just about still with it, I did get in the que for the multi story car park but couldn't wait that long so thought I would give it another week before jumping. I'm okish I suppose went away last week for a few days skiing and although it was nice I'm still struggling with it all, I got the anti depressants but not taken them yet as I was going away and the doc said you may feek worse for a couple of weeks before they kick in. Why you feeling down?? is it a January thing?x
I just happened to me on when you messaged don't get excited thinking I have magic powers or something
Well can't blame you if the que was that long I would have given up to but good to see your sense of humour is still there
O skiing look at you that sounds very posh like a Royal you will be saying you have blue blood next
Well the main thing is you went and you will have enjoyed some of it so sometimes instead of looking at the negatives try and focus on the positives
Very true about the meds can make you feel worse before they make you feel better so agree if you were going away maybe better to start them when you got back but now you are back you are going to give them a try yes ?
Me well yes I think the January blues mixed with HA , don't mix well , be glad when Spring comes , lifts your mood as well as your anxiety x
Yes I will start them tomorrow. I have not seen or spoke to her in 4 months and then in Tesco earlier I saw her, I didn't know what to do really I just froze then decided to walk over and say hello which felt really emotional and hard. I did well up a bit which I did not want to do but she still seems to hate me really but seemed very upset maybe is the work but quite quiet? I did say I wish she had given me the chance to put things right and not just gone but she just seems to want to be on here own and not interested in anything else its was very hard and I just wanted to cuddle her but I don't think that will ever happen again, It does make me realise I'm so not over her but its only been 4 half months so maybe that's normal.xx
Good glad to hear you will start the meds let us know how you get on with them
Well there was always going to be that day when you would bump into her and you did and of course it was hard I would have not expected it to be any other but sounds like you did just fine , yes it will have hurt and you mind will be playing tricks but that is another first you have done now so tick that one of !
Really strange I have to say why she will at not least talk and so you could put closure on this but then sometimes as we say
Another bad couple of days think maybe after seeing her sunday? made a mistake of having a few drinks and texting her almost begging again to have her back, I really didn't not want to do that and obviously did not reply. I could not hardly get up for the last couple of days and felt very sick and shaky, Sometimes I think I'm ok the next min I'm back to square one x
Hold on strong Miami, it was a weak moment. Emotional feelings are strong, the heart wants what the heart wants however take it slow... Sounds like she is not in the same position as you and yet she saw you on Sunday? Give her space, it's what you both need right now. Breathe deeply, exhaling the stress. You are in "free floating anxiety" right now and it's to be expected because of your feelings. One day at a time.
Yes saw her in Tesco. Its been nearly 5 months and I feel worse than ever how can this keep going like it is. Think I will take them sertraline the doc gave me a couple of weeks ago been putting it off but think now is the time x
Listen what you did I bet most of us can say we have done that at one time in our life's I know I have and yes after I felt stupid and did not do it again and that's life making mistakes but the thing is we have to make them so we learn and grow and I believe we do that no matter what age we are , so you did it , yep a bit silly but it is done and it is in the past so let go and move forward
The drink will not have helped one little bit and not with your decision to text her , so we no that is not suiting you either so take note , have a few but stop when you know that is enough because it actually makes you depressed if you have to much
Could be you had to much and that is why you are feeling rough these last few days but you know what tomorrow is a new day , so how about getting up in the morning , getting a shower and get dressed , a good breakfast in you , get one of those meds down you and do anything , go for a walk , clean your garage door if you have one , anything but stay pro active so you feel you have achieved something at the end of the day no matter how small that may be
And yes , this is how it goes , one minute you feel a bit better and like you are coping and the next you feel you have flown back to square one but trust me it will eventually stop doing that but time as they say and very true is a great healer and you my friend are doing really well you just now need to stop beating your self up because you have feelings and are human and now and again as we all do we make mistakes
So come on , best foot forward now you will get through this x
Hay u. I'm ok just got a very boring life at the moment and just need to find something to fill my time. Its a very quite time with work but its hard down here as very little seem to go on. I still have not taken the meds I'm in two minds as I'm not 100% sure I need them I think I just need a life again and get out there if that makes sense. My main problem is being lonely and bored and I'm just not sure if the meds will help that? I'm doing my best not to think about here its been 5 months of thinking 24/7 and I feel that's enough dwelling? it wont happen overnight and I'm sure it will still happen everyday but just going to make sure its not constant. Hope you are ok?? sorry I never ask about you just keep going on about my problem lol Thank you again for checking I have not jumped of Berry head lol sorry that's our local cliffs that seem a popular choice.x
I think you might have said and I have forgot but do you work for yourself ?
I know this time of year is always slow but won't be long before Spring and Summer and then things will look a lot better than they do now and I am sure there will be more to do
It is normal for so many of us to feel down this time of the year I am eager to see the back of Winter and sure many more are to and some nicer weather
Well you can only think about something or someone so long and then you do get tired eventually and the brain gives up you wear the situation out in your mind and it moves on
It is really strange she does not want anything from the marriage and has walked away and left everything I thought there would be something in the home at least she would have wanted , but as my Mum used to say many moons ago there is nothing as strange as folks
Well where you must live is a beautiful place and the sea ?
We have to pay to go on holiday to see sand and sea you have it on your doorstep
Can you not go to your local and have a drink , get chatting with people ?
No groups or anything to join where you are ?
Maybe do something that normally you would not dream of like I have mentioned before Volunteering in your spare time it is all about trying to get out there and meeting new people building a new life and you will x
Yes there is stuff to do I suppose its a retirement place so 80% of the people are over 65 so maybe I could join the bridge club or bowling? its a nice place to live really Devon is a lovely county with Dartmoor and lots of nice walks. I have a removal business although I have been doing it for 15 years and now feel its time to move on and do something else although no idea what at mo. I'm going to join the local spa place tomorrow will try for 3 months and try a get a bit fitter before the summer.x
Can't be that bad is it because people come to Devon on holiday old and young , and don't knock bridge or bowling very therapeutic , mind you I would be no good because you have to be quite I think when you are bowling and I cannot do that they would soon chase me of
O right removal well if it has paid the bills then it is all good but maybe a change might be something to think about and give you a challenge to focus on
That is a good idea joining the spa , good for you , they say exercise is the best thing for anxiety and stress as well as keeping you fit
You are doing well you know and you are making progress , I know when we are living with it we don't always see it or feel it but believe me I have been reading what you have been saying and I can see that you are , I know you are going to get through this and be just fine x
yeah I will, it is a horrible thing that has never happened to me before and it really has knocked me for six as they say but I will learn by it and not make the same mistakes again if I do meet somebody else one day. I had a strange upbringing just mum and me my dad left when I was 3 and I was the only child so got very spoiled and had my own way which was great at the time but these things jump up on you in later life. Without going into it I think this will make me a better person in many ways. I am a good person anyway but do think I lost my way in marriage and life a bit but hopefully I can get back on track in the future.x
I do understand what it feels like it happened to me but trust me you do come through it and you are wiser and stronger when you do
Not the strangest upbringing but at least you know you were spoilt and maybe that was your Mum's way of trying to compensate for our Dad not been around and it was not your fault or your Mum's this happens often
But it is never to late to learn and we learn the most by going through these painful experiences x
Terrible day today my cat who we got together 12 years ago had to be put down today. He was a lovely cat and was the only bit of company for me now. I came down stairs this morning and after being totally normal and happy last night was sitting looking really sorry for himself in the kitchen. I went over to him and he couldn't stand on back lets so I took him to the vets and they think he had a stroke and it would be cruel and to painful for him not to be put down, I couldn't believe it and just broke down and have been all day. I had to tell my wife or ex wife about it who was upset to as she loved Alfie aswell so she came down to the vets to say her goodbyes which she did and left didn't say much to me or show me any kindness but then again why would she as she has snowed none so far. I feel so alone and totally at rock bottom I just don't know how much more of this I can take.
Hello again I did not see this not sure about this new format I am missing things and I have just asked how you are and can see now not so great sorry about that
I am so sorry about the loss of your cat , I know how a pet becomes like a family member and you must be feeling it , but you know it was the right thing and think of how lucky that cat was and what a good life it had been lucky to get a home with you
I know not now but eventually when the time is right maybe you could think of having another pet
In some respects she has not shown much emotion but think at least she came would have been worse had she not
Maybe my friend it could just be that time when you think of taking or at least trying that medication ? you say you could not feel any worse which I get so those meds could only maybe make you feel a little better ? x
Hi. Yeah I have taken the first one tonight losing my cat really did finish me off, How can everything come at once? I feel I have done something so bad in a previous life to deserve this. Also I know she turned up but I was such a mess crying and could hardly breath and she did not even put her arm round me and say it would be ok or even text or call me later in the evening to she if I was ok, Which I was not, I still cant believe how cold and horrible somebody you loved can be.
You know what sometimes life can feel like this , one thing goes wrong and then it is like everything seems to get thrown at us and you do sit and think what the heck have I done to deserve this and the answer is nothing , except life and sometimes life does not come on our terms if only it did
I think your ex maybe is dealing with this in her own way and sometimes as we are all different some can deal with it by been distant not showing or allowing any emotion and yes it can be a shock but I am sure she has to feel something and if not it could be you question was she ever the person you thought she was ? would you really have wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone that could be so harsh , maybe you have not lost as much as you think you have if that is the case , but one thing I have learnt in life is that we can never work out why others react or are the way they are and we can never change anyone else either and that is why we have to focus on ourselves in been the best person we can in any day
I am pleased you have started to take the meds , I am sorry about your cat and it had to come to this for you to give them a go but glad all the same you are now going to see if they make a difference ( hope so )
O me well having a little Health Anxiety meltdown , I won't bore you with the details but one thing I know no matter what I shall have to work through it and come out the other end and you will work through all this and also come out the other end to x
Yes all so true, Maybe she was not the person for me, As much as I thought she was at the time maybe not. I had health anxiety a few years ago its another horrible thing that I could never find the answer to. I had terrible symptoms that I ended up going through so many tests at the hospital as I thought I was dying of something but all turned out to be nothing just health anxiety that was driving me mad and going round in circles, very awful but as you will know just excepting the symptoms and riding them out for me helped a lot.xxxxxx
Well glad your HA has calmed down , mine had till loosing my Dad a few years ago and I think that may have got it lurking about again trying to find a way in
Let us know how you get on with that medication , remember it does take a few weeks to work but I really hope it will be worth it for you x
Hi Yeah taken them not really seeing any difference but maybe a bit early. No didn't spend it thinking about the past but did spend it thinking about the cat lol think I'm more upset about that than her now. Its a nice sunny day her today which makes everything feel better I find. How are u? PS what part of the country do you live in?x
Hello , was staring to wonder if you were still with us
Yes it is to early just checking you were taking them
Well that actually made me laugh that you are more upset over the cat and I did want to put something back but best not because first it might not be good timing and second not everyone would see the funny side so I will just say at least your mind is some where else
Sunny here but quite high winds , I would like to say I am somewhere exotic but it's the Midlands and not sure how exotic you can make that sound
Me well I went to the docs last week , they had been telling me for 6 months I had a kidney stone which I did think was an awful long time to me suffering with one of those and I never noticed I had passed one which I am sure I would have that now I have not got a kidney stone but something called diverticulitis
Well of course I had a sneaky look at Dr Google but soon came of !
So she gave me peppermint capsules , well they started to take the pain in my side away but then I started with the worse acid re flux I have had in years !
So I did look that one up and peppermint can do that so I have had to stop taking them
Well thought about trying to work it all out myself so in two days tried about 3 different things , stupid I know which my system is now screaming at me to leave it alone , so I have one more thing to try and if that don't work well , it will be a case of phoning the Docs , trying to convince the Secretary to at least ask the doc if you can be seen which is a talent in itself getting them to agree and then when they do waiting to see if the Doc will see you , what a performance , but hope it doesn't come to that fingers crossed x
yeah takes the edge off a bit but had to see her last week when she started taking some of her things or our things should I say. Still terrible 6 months later seeing her and she is still just as off with me. I just sssssssoooooooo want to stop caring and loving her ones that goes if ever I will be ok I think x
Well that's good that they are taking the edge of , see how you go if you are happy with what the meds are doing then fine but if you feel you need more support if you saw the Doctor they would possibly up the dose
6 months is nothing after a marriage break up , you were together years so you cannot expect those feelings to just go away like that , they can linger for a long time , sometimes a small part of you always loves that person but what you all of a sudden realise is you may love them but you are no longer IN love with them and that is when you know you have come through the break up and you will , like anything we are all different in how long it takes but you will get there and I think you have done really well so far in dealing with this even though you may not feel like you have because you are the one going through it
Life can be like a book , we help write the chapters , some good , some bad , some in-between but make sure when you start the next one it is a good one x
I know still get some good days when I don't think about it quite so much. She is coming round wed to collect the last few bits from the draws and shelves so that will be a bit weird first time she has been round since she left. My auntie is going to come over and sit with her as she didn't want to be on her own with me as she thinks I will break down and go to bits again which I'm not but maybe its a good thing she will be there anyway. Hope you are ok and keeping well in the sunny midlands or maybe not so much? but keep in touch and thanks again for your advise.x
Yes it will be very weird and it will hurt I won't lie but take my advise while she is there take a step back , go in another room let her get her things , say hello and goodbye but stay composed , see it like you are playing a part as an actor having to hold it together for this particular scene and when she has gone if you want to break down then so be it and no that will be a natural reaction and come on and talk if you need support , in fact have you had a look on healthunlocked.com/livingwi...
that is where I mostly am you are always welcome to come and say hello to us
O the snow has gone which is the main thing and we have had rain today but I am hoping soon the Sun will be out everything seems so much better when the weather is nice , don't you agree ?
You are doing really well , you will survive as the song says x
Hay. Hope you are well and not snowed in again?? So she came over wed and well was really hard and did my best still had tears in my eyes but survived the day which seem to go on and on. My auntie was there as she didn't want to be alone with me suppose thought I would break down again or start arguing which I did not. My house looks empty now which felt really sad but I will pop out tomorrow and get some more bits to make it nicer and more homely as at the moment it looks like I have been burgled its awful. Its so weird seeing the person you have been with for all them years and loved so much as a different person, one you don't know sssoooo weird. I tried my best to be nice and help as much as I could with the packing and dropped it round her new place, I did cry that night but I think slowly I'm starting to love her less which is a good think as I cant keep feeling so bad and miserable not being with her anymore. xxx Onwards and upwards.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello there , I was starting to wonder if you had headed of for that cliff
Sounds like it was traumatic for you which I knew it would be but I also knew you could and would deal with it and you did
You were bound to feel emotional would have worried if you said you did not feel anything as you are right in you were with this person several years and at one stage thought that was for life so perfectly natural to shed tears but you did so well not loosing it so that is a massive improvement
Sounds like she literally emptied the house , was that the deal , you kept the bricks and mortar and she had the contents
I can imagine the shock when you look round and I think it is a brilliant idea to get out and get some new things and the place will start to have a different feel to it one where it is yours and not so many memories about you can make it a right bachelor pad , man cave as well if you want and no one telling you otherwise trying to cheer you up maybe not working very well but I am trying in more ways than one so I have been told
I think I have said before and what is happening now is you are seeing her as she is now who is no longer the person you were in love with you have love for the person that was , which is a memory and that is why it feels weird
You have done so well and I know will continue to deal with this and you will build a new future for yourself , give it time
Yes we have some more white stuff falling from the sky grrrr getting on my nerves , I love my garden sooo much and I have so much I want to be doing out there and Spring where the heck has that gone to , we turn the clocks next week I just hope someone tells the weather that !
Have you got much or are you getting away with it ?
Anyway I am glad this bit is now over for you , one positive is you don't have to go through that again and you can start rebuilding your life and maybe at some stage you could think about getting another pet , a cat or dog even that would be a great companion for you as they listen and don't answer back or tell your secrets
Let me know how your retail therapy goes with the new bits you are going to get , bet you do it a lot quicker than a women does as we have to go in every shop and then we go all the way back to the first shop and buy what we saw at the start , bet you can't do that now can you ?
Hi Yes I will let you know how it goes. I was supposed to go today but its all gone mad down here again never seen such heavy thick snow, We NEVER get snow down here normally but its been so bad today up to the middle of the front door so probably means another two days stuck at home which I hate. I will be on a mission to find milk tomorrow which is hard here as it took we 3 days and 8 shops to find some last week in the snow lol mad. I'm supposed to be on a removal tomorrow to London but don't think that will happen. Take care and speak to you soon.x
Sorry you have got snowed in you best get digging yourself out
We got up to another 6 to 7 inches and it has been snowing on & off all day but finally has stopped and according to the weather forecast it says it will be fine for the nest 3 days and then rain but anything is better than this snow !
Well I hope you get the things you need eventually including the milk and yes talk soon x
Well I see they have been changing the format on here again , why I have no clue but as always it throws me , not that it takes much and took me ages to find this post again anyway I have now
Erm I am not feeling the best I could be but with this promise of a heatwave which where it is I am not sure but hopefully if we get it then I might feel a bit better
Anyway how about you ? did you ever get out and get those things you wanted for your house ?
Hiya. Yes got some new furniture so not much sign of her here now thank god. As I said before I'm ok when I am out but still feel bad when I'm stuck at home but I'm sure that will fade in time. Been trying to keep myself busy and still have good and bad days but as you said it all takes time. Not been able to face looking for another one feels to early for that but hopefully one day would be nice to meet somebody I get on with and have a relationship again.x
Glad you got some furniture , I was starting to imagine you sat on a crate or something that must help I bet it looks different now so not as many memories when you look around
I have to agree if you had replied you had met somebody new already I would have thought O dear that's a bit soon
You need to give yourself time because if you don't then you would maybe start telling her all about your ex and trust me women don't want to hear all that as well as if you did meet someone to soon eventually you would start comparing her to your ex , I know as I did it all wrong some years ago so trust me
The Summer should help and by the time it is Winter again you will feel even stronger than you do now
If you look back at when you first posted this you thought you could not even manage one day and now look how far you have come you are slowly getting there
Maybe eventually you could think about getting another pet , I think that would really help x
yeah that all makes sense I will give it some more time for sure. I don't like being single much, I would of loved it in my 20s but it don't really feel the same at 42 and all your mates are married with kids so you feel a bit left out I suppose. I saw a lady with a border terrier last week not ever been a dog fan really but this dog was lovely so maybe think about one of them.xxxxxxxxxxx
yeah its not easy getting an app its the same here really. I get acid reflux have done for years and they gave me omprazol which works well. If its not one thing its another. As the quote goes somebody stop the world because I want to get off. x
You know Miami, there was a time I use to say the same thing. "Stop the world, I want to get off". I'm so glad I didn't. Life has a way of turning around for the better. We never know what the next corner will have waiting for us. It's not always bad.
Yeah I know you need to keep positive and there really is no point looking back or dwelling on something as its so pointless so I know what everybody is saying but its so hard to do that sometimes its unreal. I have always hated change and the unknown but what is the option?? there is no option without being totally stupid and wasting you short life. Keep calm and carry on and good saying lol
Miami, you have found a sympathetic, knowledgeable woman with life experience through lulu-1. She is highly respected on the forum and cares with her heart. I hope you will take her advice and confide in her.
My best to you during this most hurtful time in your life. x
I read your post. Sorry you had to go through that. You are not weak you were with her for more than a decade. You shared many memories together. Did practically everything together. And loved her very much. You still do. Of course you miss her. She left your life so abruptly that you have alot of unresolved feelings. Sorry she isn't tryin to hear from. It hurts when someone you love shuts you out like that. Just know you have a friend in this community. Feel free to message me when you are feeling down. Getting support when you are sad makes things a little more tolerable, I know it does for me.
Thank you very much its really good to know there are people out there who offer kind advice. It feels good somebody you don't know from Adam is willing to spend time to make you feel better. Thank you x
Miami, never think for a moment that you are weak. You did nothing wrong, it was her decision. We have no control over the decisions and actions of others but only in how we react to their decisions.
Time to start asking questions, Miami. You need to be in full possession of all the facts in order to best protect yourself both materialy and from further anquish. People don't just pack their bag and leave without warning and remain silent, what's her motive. We crazy people can be difficult to live with sometimes, partners can run out of patience. Or, and you must have asked this, is there someone else involved?
You must fight from a position of strength, that's one reason obtaining as much information is important. Second, don't enter the contest feeling weak and asking for mercy. You are not half of one person, you are a whole person in your own right. There are other lovers out there waiting to be discovered, ones who don't pack their bags and leave without warning. One door closes, another door opens. Rejection hurts but there's the excitement of new beginnings. Romantic love can shift and follow. You don't have children to consider.
That's the worst case scenario but at least you have a contingency plan for the future if needed. Knowing that you can negotiate from a position of strength if it's not so bad and a reconciliation is possible. As the wise old man said: Every adversity brings with it the seed of a greater benefit.
Nice to hear, Miami. Just returned from a 350 mile drive to visit a grandson in prison. Learnt he went to the aid of an old prisoner who was being bullied by 5 young thugs so he's not all bad. Christmas at our place for 2 daughters, a grandson and wife and 18 month great-grandson so should be a good one. Enjoy yourself over Christmas, let's make it an anxiety-free zone.
Its never easy my friend. SAme happened to me with my ex that brought me where I am with anxiety now. I was totally blindsided and had no idea what was goin on. Felt alone walked around like a zombie. Didn't know what to do with myself cause I am so used to a routine and when it changes I don't take it well. But keep busy and reach out to friends and family as mine were my biggest support system and it does get a little easier. Xo
Yes I have done lots of walking bit like a walking version of Forrest Gump although its nice its not always good walking on you own as that tends to give you more time to think and go round in circles again. Keeping busy really is the key although this is quite hard for me as I'm self employed and this is my quite time of year. Just getting outside and not stuck in the house which is full of memories is always good. You just think in situation like this there is nobody else out there that is suitable for you but I'm sure there are lots its just finding them I suppose. Take care x
I'm very sorry to hear this. About a month ago I posted here about how I was depressed that my girlfriend of 3 and a half years almost broke up with me and that was the worst feeling ever in my life. I even thought about suicide. But this is nothing compared to what you're going through. 12 years of marriage versus 3 and a half years dating and me being suicidal... its laughable isn't it. One thing for sure is, if my future wife-which will probably be my current girlfriend- breaks up with me like that I sure will leave this world. My mind and emotion is very weak and sensitive so there is nothing I can do to cope. Anyway, I think the best thing for you to do is get back with your close ones such as your family or friends to avoid be alone.
Just wanna send a huge hug & say no matter how hard it is now from the bottom the only way is up & I wish you a lovely Christmas and a great new year 🤗
Things can only get better ❤️❤️❤️
Miami I'm just reading your post two years later. I'm in a very very similar situation as you were (separation after 25yrs married) and no contact from him at all, it's now been four months, like torture.
I would love to know how you are now? How has your life turned out?
Did things get better for you? Were you able to get over your ex or is it still there with you?
Hi. Wow not been on this site for ages so was surprised to get your mail. It's a very long story and a bit hard to explain on a text but yes things get a lot better with time and moving on and not looking back. It's a short life to don't waste it on people who don't want to be with u. I'm at the financial bit which is horrendous but that's another story for another time. Hope things get better for u soon xx
I hate to tell you but the worse it yet to come. I'm in the divorce bit now and it's horrendous on every level. I honestly don't think anybody would get married if they knew how hard and stressful and financially draining that can be.
No I didn't but it's got so bad and have no idea how it came to this you really see another side to people when it comes to money. I have learned so much in the last year it's unreal x
Hmmm, my ex was a financial abuser....oh dear. Well I'll not worry about the out come, will be worth it so as to properly move on. (saying 'ex' is a new one for me)
You'll be so much stronger in yourself after all this heartache, trauma, lonliness and now all this money stress. We're stronger than we probably realise x
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