How can I get a grasp on reality??

[nousernameavailable]

Okay so sometimes I will look at something and think it isn't real. I will convince myself it is real, then go back to think it's not . I feel like nothing's real and my mind made this all up. How can I stop feeling like this??

[toast122]

Hi there,

What you are experiencing is called derealization (when surroundings do not feel real) and/or depersonalization (when you do not feel real). These are common symptoms of anxiety and although scary are completely harmless. I had this severely last year and feared that I was losing my mind. I was assured by countless doctors that this is just anxiety. I still suffer with it and it is truly debilitating. I have not found a way to fix it however, there are some things to do to help minimize the feeling.

Here are some ideas:

1. Read about depersonalization/derealization. Once you understand what exactly is happening, a large amount of fear is taken away which in turn minimizes the symptoms.

2. Read the book "At Last A Life" by Paul David. There is a free pdf online. This book truly saved me. It was the one thing that got me through it and continues to help me. The author talks about his experience with derealization/depersonalization and the book is extremely, EXTREMELY reassuring. Again, I could not live without it.

3. When you feel that an object is not real, don't get caught in a cycle of questioning it and panicking. The more you question whether its real or not, the more unreal it will feel; similarly to when you say a word over and over until it loses its meaning.

4. Do some grounding exercises. For example, when the object appears "unreal", touch it, smell it, pay attention to the colour, the texture, etc. This is called mindfulness. Its being in the present moment. Sometimes, when you use your senses, it almost gives you more proof than not that the object is real.

5. If this doesn't work, change your atmosphere, try not to think about it, and emerse yourself in something you love to do. For example, exercise, draw, play videogames, whatever you like. Distraction is a huge help for me personally.

Anyway, I know I've given you alot to think about. I just want to reassure you that this is most likely anxiety. It especially hits when going through a stressful time. Know that you are not losing it, as I thought I was, and that everything IS real. By feeling that its not is your minds way of shutting down in times of stress to make you feel less pain, if that makes sense. This is a topic that is very personal to me. Hope you are doing okay. Please don't hesitate to send me a message if you are in need of further advice.

[idam in reply to toast122]

Omg I felt he same way daily...how did you do it to he through it..I pancik more. Think all these crazy things and start crying.. Help me please

[toast122 in reply to idam]

The first little while I started feeling it, it was truly terrifying. I also cried on a daily basis, couldn't even leave the house, and had panic attacks every hour. Something I've noticed, and this is stated in that book I mentioned which I HIGHLY suggest you read, is that the symptom is triggered and worsened by fear. Its a cycle; you are anxious which causes you to feel the derealization/depersonalization, then you get more anxious because of that feeling, which in turn increases the feeling even more. I know its so extremely difficult, and it took some time for me, but you MUST try not to think about it. I promise you that if you distract yourself it will slowly start to get better. By distracting yourself, you are minimizing the fear, which helps the symptom subside. I also want to assure you that this is completely normal. Just treat it as you would any other symptom, don't pay over attention to it. Also, you are not going crazy, I promise. I know its very scary because like I said, I've been through it. As hard as it is, try some of those strategies I gave you in the last post and tell me how it goes. It won't get better over night. It takes time, but the sooner you start, the sooner it will get better. When you are feeling overwhelmed and panicky, repeat some statements to yourself. Try saying things like:

1. This is a natural response from my body protecting me from itense fear

2. This is just anxiety

3. I am NOT going crazy

4. I have felt this before, it has not harmed me. It is scary, but it can not hurt me.

And then try to distract yourself. It will help. Again, I strongly advise you to read the book I suggested. Read the chapter about derealization/depersonalization while you panic and it will help you. Search in google, "At Last A Life by Paul David pdf." It should pop up and you can download it for free. Hope this helps. I really do sympathize with you.

[nousernameavailable in reply to toast122]

Hi, I hope I am not bothering you, but do you know a website I can download the book on? Thanks.

Your answer was very helpful, I appreciate it.

[toast122 in reply to nousernameavailable]

No problem! I just checked for the book and I think they must have taken it down, I am unable to find it. However, I have the pdf saved in my phone. If you would like to provide me with your email, I can easily send it to you. If you don't feel comfortable with this, there is also the option to buy it on amazon.

[cpmydream in reply to toast122]

can you please send that book to [e-mail].

Thanks in advance.

[idam]

Thank you so much I swear it feel so good knowing I'm not going crazy...everyday when i feel this at work and I see my coworkers having such a good time n see them so happy .I'm just there staring at them wishing g I could be like that again. Btd its so hard to be happy and strong when you feel so weak.. Do you Eve feel unbalanceness and dizziness and you face stiff or anything like that??

[toast122 in reply to idam]

I feel the same way when I see people having fun at school and I wish so desperately to feel normal. And yes totally!!! I just went through a phase where I was extremely dizzy all day long and could barely stand up. My head often feels strange and tingly and sometimes my ears ring. I also feel extremely exhausted all the time, like i'm half asleep and my head feels cloudy. Sometimes I'm so weak it feels as if I'm trying to walk through quick sand. Its truly terrible. I completely understand how you feel, you are not alone. I've also had lots of stomach issues and trouble breathing and the doctors pin everything to anxiety. I've had soo many tests done and nothing ever comes up. I guess that's just the nature of anxiety.

[idam in reply to toast122]

Omg thank you so much for replying..I.honestly feel like we have the same symptoms thank you so much it really does make.u feel relief k owing someone also is feel exactly how you are and they say its anxiety..my biggest fear is not making it through this because I have a daughter she is 6 year old and the thought of it scares me but she is what motivavyes n honestly thanks to her Is what helps me get up and get stuff done...although it feels so impossible to do...how long have u been suffering this.. And tell me how u control it do I take meds

[toast122 in reply to idam]

Its good that you have your daughter to motivate you! Nice to have someone who inspires you to keep going; for me its my mom. I think alot of anxiety sufferers hve similar symptoms and people feel too scared to share. I wouldn't be suprised if some of your colleagues felt the same way as you and pretend like they are happy. I know I always fake a smile at school. For example, when I told my friend that I trusted about my anxiety, she said she would have never known because I always look so happy. Turns out she has anxiety too! Sometimes it feels better to know you arent alone and alot of others have this too but just choose not to share; thinking like this makes me feel less isolated and more normal. In terms of how I deal with anxiety... I don't haha. I'm suffering alot. Its very difficult to get through the day. I have been feeling this way non stop 24/7 for about a year, and on/off for about 2 years before that. So 3 years total... and I'm only in high school. I have tried antidepressants and they gave me bad side effects so I stopped. But everyone is different, they may help you. Ive also tried counseling and cognitive behavioural therapy (cbt) which is a type of therapy specifically targeted towards curing anxiety. It helped for a little while but then for some reason I felt it was no longer effective. I am currently trying it again to see how it goes. One thing I noticed forsure is that my anxiety gets a million times worse when I'm under stress. Like right now, Im having some family issues, and someone I know passed away. Plus I'm trying to maintain high grades because I have to apply for university this month and I have exams coming up and I never have a moment of relaxation. When I am severely stressed like right now, my anxiety increases alot. So I would say to keep your anxiety levels low, try to keep your stress levels low and your body will know it is not in danger, leading to less worry, and less symptoms. Also, when I'm stressed I have trouble sleeping. Ive been going to sleep at about 2 or 3 am every night and I have to wake up at 6 30 am for school. The sleep deprivation causes anxiety and I get lots of panic attacks when I don't sleep. Another thing that suprisingly helps is eating healthy. When I eat junk or have caffeine, I feel more anxious. Eating healthy makes you feel lighter, energized, and happier too! So I would say to help your anxiety, try those things... maintain low stress, get enough sleep, and eat healthy. My anxiety gets way better when I do these things. So yeah, I hope that helps! (Sorry I rambled on so much)

[idam in reply to toast122]

No thank you talking to you makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone...do you get the unbalanceness feeling and dizziness often like me ..I get it almost everyday

[toast122 in reply to idam]

My symptoms tend to change over time. First it was trouble breathing for a few months. Then it was fear of losing my mind. Then it became constant nausea (which I still feel) and dizziness. The dizziness has gotten better for the most part but when I'm really nervous (like today) I still feel it, just not as severely as I used to. Something that may help the dizziness is gravol; its an anti motion sickness medication meant for nausea and dizziness. It can help.

[idam in reply to toast122]

So you wouldn't feel unbalanced

[nousernameavailable]

Thanks, I appreciate your help!