How will I know

[Hateanxiety]

Hi everyone,I hope all of you are well. I take 10mg of Citalopram daily as well as Hydroxyzine twice a day if needed,I suffer with anxiety,panic disorder,depersonalization and derealization. Today I am on day 7 taking the Citalopram,all seems well except the DP an DR. I'm worrying if I'll ever know what real looks and feels like again because I honestly can't remember the look or feel of it anymore. Will I ever know if its normal again? Will I know when the DP and DR let up? I don't know and that terrifies me because I have two beautiful children (12 and 9) that I want more than anything to be right for. I have a wonderful husband that I'm tired of watching him sleep and have to reach out and touch him to make sure he's really there. I'm tired of sitting here typing and wondering am I really doing it because it feels like someone else if doing it. I'm exhausted thinking what if I never know what real is like anymore.

Heather

[Gailm2670]

Hi I was going through similar to u suffering anxiety depression feeling like I was not me and wanting to not be here anymore . I was prescribed citalopram taking only 5ml for a week then 10 ml for a month I didn't really feel much better so my doctor put me on 40ml I have been taking them for 2 years now but after taking the 40ml for 2 weeks I was feeling like a new woman like I got my life back I hope they work for u like they have for me and u start to feel normal again I know how hard it can be and I really do wish u all the best

[Hateanxiety in reply to Gailm2670]

Thank you Gailm2670, my thing is I want to be here. I want it more than anything, its just when I open my eyes its like everything I'm looking at is not real ,its like its all fake or a dream. Its like I'm walking trough a world that doesn't exist.

[Gailm2670 in reply to Hateanxiety]

I have never experienced anything like what u are going through please be strong I'm praying for u to get through this kind regards x

[Hateanxiety in reply to Gailm2670]

Thank you Gailm2670, please do keep me in your prayers,god knows I could really use them.

[Jeff1943]

Hateanxiety, depersonalisation and derealisation (I've never understood the difference) are unpleasant symptoms of anxiety disorder but they are just like all the other symptoms in one way: when you recover from anxiety disorder they will be no more. As you know derealisation is your mind's way of distancing you from major stress in your life. I had it 40 years ago and when I recovered it went.

You must ask yourself what in your life is causing you anxiety and deal with it. On the other hand the original cause of your anxiety may be long gone but you have become stuck in a self perpetuating circle of fear causing anxiety symptoms causing more fear causing more symptoms and on and on.

If only you could stop stressing and obsessing about the dp and dr and your other symptoms I'm sure you would begin to recover.

Anxiety doesn't like being neglected and if you can think of it as being less and less important it begins to leave you alone. Start caring less about it - and the question isn't if your dr left you but when.

[Hateanxiety in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you jeff1943, I have you to have a problem with eating about a month back due to a choking phobia. I am glad to say I don't struggle much with that anymore,out of habit though I now eat slower than my husband and kids so it takes me longer but I do it anyway. I'm not sure what brought on the thing of nothing looking real and my self not feeling real,I simply woke up on morning and as soon as my eyes open I thought I was still dreaming because it was unreal looking to me. Since that morning I have trying everything to make it go away and now I am on medications,yes I worry a lot with wondering if it will ever disappear and I'll have my life back. Those unreal looks and feepings never let up,its a 24/7 thing.

[Jeff1943 in reply to Hateanxiety]

It will go in its own good time, I know it's easy to say but refusing to be bullied by it and getting used to living with it for a while without reacting to it with fear is the best wsy to see it off. Then one day you will wake up and open your eyes snd say 'Hey, it's gone...'