I'm unsure whether this is anxiety related, or depression related, or what. I don't consciously feel particularly anxious most of the time - I do sometimes. I feel a bit hollow or apathetic a lot of the time but not strictly very depressed.
I'm currently off work (again) and finding it hard to do anything. I have just woken up from 17 hours of sleep. I've been feeling terribly exhausted for about 9 months now. At first it made sense for me to be exhausted because I was doing too much. But I have not been doing too much recently. I feel a bit hopeless atm. I have had difficulty for many years in terms of not looking forward to anything or really enjoying anything. I tried medication again recently but that made me MUCH worse. The first 6 weeks were fine, but then around the 6 week mark I felt drugged and extremely detached. My therapist thinks I am already emotionally detached to a minor extent, but on these drugs the detachment was very obvious and became disturbing (bad things were happening to me but I couldn't feel anything about them). Then I woke up feeling like I had taken a handful of sleeping pills so I phoned the doc to see if I could come off them and they said to come off abruptly, so I did. I felt like I was going crazy for the first couple of days and now I just feel exhausted and hollowed out.
I have suffered for 16 years from various illnesses, not all of them anxiety, but some of them have been anxiety-based (agoraphobia/social phobia etc.) I don't think I would even meet any diagnostic criteria now but am still struggling to get through life. I'm not particularly afraid of anything, and do not feel particularly anxious. I just feel like I want to sleep all the time. I suppose life for many years has felt like a chore I am doing, and I have a constant feeling of pressure that I need to be keeping up with my responsibiities and I am failing.
I've reached the end of my tether and do not know what to do. Some friends have suggested residential care with one-to-one support each day - a charity does that service locally - and I wonder if I should have gone for that. But I turned it down because I did not want to take a bed from someone at high risk (such as self harm/suicide attempts) because my life is definitely in no danger.
I've had a lot of therapy of different kinds and am still seeing a counsellor. I'm a bit lost as to what I could possibly do to try and make life more liveable? When life is difficult to enjoy like this I get so exhausted and demotivated eventually that I am not keeping up at work. I feel that I am really failing to keep up with responsibilities and if I am honest I really do not want to do anything. All I can think about is running away from home!! Haha!! I just want to escape life, I think, I feel like I can't bear for this to continue for another God knows how many years.
I don't know if anyone has advice for me for what to do about all of this?