so the ultimatum was today

[sonnyyy]

i told my dad the story that when i was in my fist yea of uni i nearly killed myself it was difficult but i kept it serious and undescriptive.

i anm, finally standing on my own two feet and i feel NORMAL again (i gott a jobb over the summer) - there is a sense of dissappointment and what if dropping out is the worst decision i ever made? but if i am being honst i dont want a career in a uni degree atm i want sonmething casual.

but in a mode of panic i have started filling in a enrollment form for the next academic yea - i felt panic istantly kn owing i am going to have to gbe some person i am not able to be at this time - and refocus my energys so my li

feis built around this degree - my ocd is built around it - UNHEALTHY to say the least and maybe i can do this for the rest of my degree - get severe issues and never forgive myself for my heart saying i dont want this.

but is itr my heart? i am going to let so many people down . IAM CONFUSED! if any person can weigh-in? i feel massive weight of pressure ALREADY i havent done nothing YET - FILLED IN SOME FORMS

A-level was a struggle for me! uni was a struggle, now the next academic year - feels a step backwards PLEASE PLEASE HELP?

I HAVE BEEN USING ESCAPISM (LIKE THE MONEY I DONT HAVE) AND OTHER SHIT TO COUNTERACT THIS FEELING. Only uni exists when at uni - my friends - i take my panic out on them - they (all people are my enemies). then a few days in that year i gain clarity - but this is a roller-coaster! I AM SCARED!

I'VE LEFT ALL OF TYHIS VERY LATE - BUT PART OF ME WANTS THIS TO COLLAPSE SO I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE - PART OF ME THNKS I CAN DO IT - WITHOUT FRIENDS AND ANOTHER PART DOESNT CARE

[maggie91]

It is a decision only you can make. There are many options. You can work part time and go to school part time, you can work full time. Your dad and you know yourself better than us. Whatever you decide, it's not a forever decision. You can always work and then if you decide you really want and need to go to university to live a better life, you can always register again. It is your life and you need to examine the options you really want. I'm sure you won't lose some univ friends if they are friends and not just classmates. You can also make friends from work too . It is your life and your decision in the end. However, make sure your dad is involved in your thought process. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. So what if it takes time for you to decide what works for you. There is no time limit to success.

[sonnyyy in reply to maggie91]

dear, thank you for taking the time to reply with this. it was very real and refreshing. it's quite a difficult place t this time - but this is a help thank you x

[Hidden]

Firstly you need to calm down and reply to other threads. You're running when you should be strolling.

Secondly, what total nonsense. You are not letting EVERYBODY down? How could you be letting everyone down when studying for a degree is down to your decision and yours alone.

It is quite obvious that you're not in a frame of mind to study so withdraw from it. You'll be nervous and wondering, as you are doing now, whether it is the right thing to do but, trust me, it is. You won't get very far being forced down a road you don't want to go.

Then go and DO something.

Work, without pressures. Enjoy some hobby time. Get a holiday, no matter how cheap or where to, just get a break.

Once you do that, and only once you do that and feel calmer, you can ask yourself why you want a degree?

Is it because it will lead to a job where you'll get mega money? It won't.

Is it because everyone else is doing a degree? Stop being a sheep.

Is it because everyone else wants to you get a degree? Why?

Is it because you enjoy the lifestyle of being a student? You obviously don't.

You mention your OCD. In the other thread I asked what kind of therapist are you seeing? A psychiatrist, psychiatric nurse or a counsellor?

It is important to ask this so you can understand the next move.

[sonnyyy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you sir,

this is the 100% truth i needed to hear!

yeah the or at least part of the reason i try and get the degree is a sense of importance and great feel it gives me - this may actually look like arrogance. but it is the only thing in my life i have achieved and am pretty much just resting on it and not trying :/ ( < painful to say)

the only good part if i go back to uni i could go back and get on a ocd/cbt treatment plan which i have been on a waiting list for a super long time :/

i was seeing a psychoanalyst for a great amount of time - he gave me hints why i am the way i am - but again he asked me at a time where i could barely comprehend who i was - and every question was difficult.

psychiatrist went over his notes and all the notes that had happened from the previous year. and i got labeled psychosis and obsessive compulsive behaviour - he sad there is a deeper issue i should complete cbt.

thanks johnFM

[Hidden in reply to sonnyyy]

Sonny,

No problem, glad it makes sense.

The thing is you have placed an awful lot of importance on a degree. So what does a degree mean?

It just, simply, means that you have completed a course of education. That's fine and dandy but what does that mean?

A course of education is simply a standard in a particular field of study. That is all it means.

I know several people who have degrees:

One person I know has a degree in politics, she works for Virgin as an Air Hostess!!

Another friend has a degree in sociology, she now works for a forestry centre in the cafe!

Many people I know have degrees and don't use them, I have two, one for nursing, which I use every day and one in Leadership and Management in Health and Social Care, which the health authroity paid for and is useless to me.

Why do you need a degree?

The pressure may be too much for you at this moment but what will your degree do for you?

[sonnyyy in reply to Hidden]

i think you ar ecorrect - at the moment i use the title of a degree to give me a sense of importance - makes me feel good - i have a degree in maths - i havfe a ssense of security from it - i know its false because i am trying to get it such - just so i can say i have completed it. but part of me really wants a degree! but i know i aint getting the ful experience/the normal experience - i'm getting a watered version of it.

uni . i have a very addictive personality - i rarely go out - i dont want to make that the norm.

and moving away from my town - it seems a degree is the only way

[Hidden]

Sounds like you need a break so you can recover rather than keep pushing. If you're going to risk the study not knowing if you'll cope then you could feel 1000% worse if you fail.

Might be best to give yourself a fairer chance of passing if you take a year out. That way you get less pressure, mire time to get your issues sorted so you really can start again all fresh.