i told my dad the story that when i was in my fist yea of uni i nearly killed myself it was difficult but i kept it serious and undescriptive.
i anm, finally standing on my own two feet and i feel NORMAL again (i gott a jobb over the summer) - there is a sense of dissappointment and what if dropping out is the worst decision i ever made? but if i am being honst i dont want a career in a uni degree atm i want sonmething casual.
but in a mode of panic i have started filling in a enrollment form for the next academic yea - i felt panic istantly kn owing i am going to have to gbe some person i am not able to be at this time - and refocus my energys so my li
feis built around this degree - my ocd is built around it - UNHEALTHY to say the least and maybe i can do this for the rest of my degree - get severe issues and never forgive myself for my heart saying i dont want this.
but is itr my heart? i am going to let so many people down . IAM CONFUSED! if any person can weigh-in? i feel massive weight of pressure ALREADY i havent done nothing YET - FILLED IN SOME FORMS
A-level was a struggle for me! uni was a struggle, now the next academic year - feels a step backwards PLEASE PLEASE HELP?
I HAVE BEEN USING ESCAPISM (LIKE THE MONEY I DONT HAVE) AND OTHER SHIT TO COUNTERACT THIS FEELING. Only uni exists when at uni - my friends - i take my panic out on them - they (all people are my enemies). then a few days in that year i gain clarity - but this is a roller-coaster! I AM SCARED!
I'VE LEFT ALL OF TYHIS VERY LATE - BUT PART OF ME WANTS THIS TO COLLAPSE SO I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE - PART OF ME THNKS I CAN DO IT - WITHOUT FRIENDS AND ANOTHER PART DOESNT CARE