Shutting down


How is everyone feeling today? I hope today is a good day, and if not, then I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you.

Sorry to have to post this, but I have no one, and I mean no one in my life. I honestly do not know what to do, and this is why I am writing on here.

Has anyone been through a similar experience to the one below? and if so would you please offer some advice? I really am stuck.

I have to move out of the house I share with my long term ex partner that I have lived with for 7 years here. His house and mortgage. He cheated on me plus other important issues. The relationship is not working and we both know it is over finally.

I have pets. Looking though houses for rent, it seems very few in fact no one, wants to rent out a home to a woman with a dog and cats.

I have agoraphobia but can get out with my dog. I work from home - although earn very little - , but it seems that landlords want a person employed outside of the home.

Private rents are so expensive in my area, so I will have to move out of the area. This area suits my mental health - surrounded by countryside and mostly quiet.

I cannot get anything from the council, as 1) I have no young children 2) my pets 3) there are no nearby council places, and the nearest ones outside of the area are drug and crime ridden. That would finish me off. I am not a snob. I grew up on a council estate. I know how the majority are and the minority are not.

I have zero friends and no family. I do have a son but he obviously has his life, which is good,he lives and works in another area miles away, in an apartment with his partner We speak on the phone a lot, and he visits every couple or so months. He would help me move my belongings.

I will be alone constantly. I am used to that. What I cannot deal with, is having to move. Agoraphobia and social anxiety, are making this ordeal horrific.

I don't want to leave the house, in which I made into a home over the past 7 years,and which I have made lovely. My pets will miss their familiar spots in the garden and fields beyond. My dog loves to sit under "his tree" and cat owners will know how their cats behave too.

The mental health team know, but, well they know, and that is it ! They don't know how to help and that's it.

Has anyone been in this situation before, and if so, what did you do?

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9 Replies

  • I am sorry to hear that Myranda. I can't think of anyone at the moment other than the citizen's advice bureau. I hope they can help you.



  • Hi am sorry to hear of your situation ... do you have a housin executive where you live ? If so go there and tell of your situation and your mental health ... you will b situated some where and if you get a one bedroom apartment just don't tell them about your dog I hope this helps .... you are ment to live its just a path God thru at you to prove to your self you can get thru it xxx

  • Myranda, I'm sure anyone reading this will have great sympathy for the position you are in. Not a good situation for anyone in perfect mental health ( of whom there are very few ).

    However you have to try and do a bit more yourself. What exactly do you expect the mental health people to do ? Resources and funds are stretched and they don't have funds to provide for what you seem to want which is to keep living in the same nice area, with your pets ,working from home, and without any resources to pay for this.

    Will your long term ex-partner not give you some breathing space ? What about getting work that pays more ? What about moving nearer to your son? Is there no reasonably priced area nearer him? It is no good to say you don't want to leave the house you are living in if current circumstances with your partner make this impossible. Have you made no investment financially in the house at all? Surely this has n't come right out of the blue .

    Your dog and cat will make themselves at home with you where ever you settle, especially the cat. They have very short memories.

    I would see the CAB as already suggested and also look harder for rented accommodation that will take your pets . They do exist. Also it may be possible to find a lonely or partly disabled lady who might pay to have a live in companion . There must be many of those but I must admit I don't know how you would find those although at one time I believe people advertised for live in companions . I don't know if they still do.

    Has your son no suggestions ? What ever you do don't give up . I'm sure a situation will come along to solve your problem ,but you have to do something to help yourself. At 50 you can hardly claim to have done your bit. I'm quite a bit older than that and certainly don't think I've done my bit yet.


  • and I meant "doing my bit" as in raising my son alone! and at 50 years old, Yes I am old. I feel a thousand years old right now.

  • I know that you are going through a very stressful period right now but you need to be strong and work through this. Maybe your son will help you find a place or let you stay with him until you find something. Since he's your only family, I would try to find a place close to him so you could see each other more. I know you say you work out of your home so maybe you can show proof of income and that will suffice for you to find a place. Good luck. Stay strong and show determination to make your life better for yourself and your son.

  • I know anxiety and agoraphobia can make you feel like you have no choice but to I end your life, like your up against a brick wall. Please ignore what that other person said it's not helpful to you right now, you need to focus on the positives. Just hang in there, don't do anything in a rush just try waiting an hour and then another and so on and if you manage to make it through to morning then that's a massive achievement! And who knows what tomorrow might bring. When I've felt like this I thought about how upset my parents would be if I ended it all. How they might blame themselves and I really didn't want that. think about your son and your pets. Pets can mean the world to us and be a life line with anxiety, theyd be devasteted to loose such a loving owner and might end up in kennels etc.

    It's not your fault! It's a massive failing of our health system that you and others like us feel that there is not help out there. when in fact we are entitled to all kinds of things. Id say I know it's scary but talk to you GP in the morning, tell them what's going on. You are entitled to have them come to your home to see you and to have a mental health assesment at home which will mean there will be a mental health team keeping tabs on you and helping provide support workers and therapists and medications. You can also be entitled to mental health benefits even though you work. I know it can sound overwhelming but I just wanted you to know that there is hope. And even though they can come across as uncaring it's really just an issue with resources and time and nothing personal to you. Also if your GP doesn't seem keen on coming to see you at home tell them that according NICE guidelines of care with someone with agoraphobia and social anxiety you are entitled to a home visit to get the ball rolling. It might help you to google NICE guidelines to have a copy handy. And If your GP is aware of your situation they have a duty of care to do everythin they can to help you. Even with your housing situation. Even if you end somewhere not nice, it can just be temporary until you find the right place for you.

    So please don't give up! We do care! Just take each breath at a time and something will come up. And ignore all the insensitive people, we should pity there lack of understanding. I hope this has been some comfort to you xx

  • Hello

    I have just answered your other post about wanting to delete your account & then I came across this post & now I am wondering if this is why you felt you wanted to delete , but I hope you will stick around

    I totally understand why you must be feeling so anxious

    Most anxiety sufferers do not like change and that includes me to

    I have moved house several times and each time I have got into such a state but each time I have got through it & I no when you are in a state it does not help when someone says you will to but you will

    I understand moving pets feels like moving your children to a different area & School as pets are family to us but they would adapt , just like Children as long as they were with someone that cares and loves them I am sure they will be happy :-)

    I know housing is really difficult especially at the moment and Landlords can afford to be very picky , have you contacted " Shelter "

    You can put the name in Google and it will bring up their website as well as contact numbers , it is very good , I hope you have a look

    Have you spoken to The Citizens Advice Bureau in your area , again they can offer advice

    I really do not no why you are not getting more support from the Mental Health team , could you contact them and stress you need their support they should be giving it you or maybe you could see your Doctor and explain to them what is about to happen and the lack of support you are not getting , if you have a good Doctor they may intervene

    I don't no your personal circumstances with your ex , but is there any chance you could stay there till you do find somewhere suitable ? maybe if you offer rent or to keep the House clean in return for a roof over your head for now , like I say I don't no if your relationship is that amicable at the moment to do that

    If you had to leave and you really could not take your pets at the moment would they look after them and maybe let you go up every day to care for them on a temporary basis ? Just thoughts again may not be possible but I hope above all else and what ever went of they would not see you homeless

    Try "Shelter " and CAB and see if you can get some support there even if you have tried them already contact them again

    Maybe to start with you will have to accept something that is not perfect , I know once I had to do that and I was really upset and distressed but within months a better property in a better area became available and I was able to move but at the time a roof over my head was the main thing

    Good Luck & Take Care x

  • have you applied for PIP? The CAB can help with that too.


  • Hi Myranda, I have just done the same as Bounce - looked at your post to delete your account and investigated further and found this. I presume too that this is the reason why.

    Please don't delete the account - hopefully you will find it useful, especially being agoraphobic and not getting out for a chat.

    I can only mirror what Bounce has advised as there is a lot of good advice there.

    I really hope it all works out for you.

    Sue x

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