When anxiety changes??

[mjl90]

Its been a while in since my last post, I have had a good few ups and downs. During a few ups I have reduced my propranolol but after a really bad spell of depression over Christmas I had to go back to three a day. I have been feeling better lately but ma anxiety has changed, its not so much medical now as personal. I never feel good about myself. I obsess over all the stupid things ive done or said in the past. I feel really insecure all the time about who I am as a person and my anxiety feeds on these thoughts. When I first had anxiety I always thought it would be health related, going through this is hell. It feels never ending and constantly fighting the negative thoughts is sad. It makes me sad. I wish my mind was simpler and I didn't have to worry about every little thing. I just wish I didn't have to fight it all the time. The insecurity and the nasty negative thoughts about myself are tough.

[Mamakatie84]

I to wish that my mind was a little simpler. Then maybe we wouldn't have to think about all these normal body sensations and worry that they "mean" something else. I was talking to my sister tonight about how I wish I could just get my brain to relax for a moment so I could relax and feel normal. She reminded me that we are only capable of thinking of one thought at a time so try to make it a good one. For some reason what she said made me feel better. I hope it does the same for you.

[mjl90 in reply to Mamakatie84]

After being diagnosed with anxiety disorder I felt that I would never be normal again, this terrified me, and then after a while I thought to myself "what is normal anyway?" we jus have to try and find a way to stay calm and deal with anxious thoughts as best we can and try and be as happy as possible. positivity is the key. if its a bad thought focus hard and make it positive. that is great advice and we have to keep at it.

[Mamakatie84 in reply to mjl90]

The whole what is "normal" thing is so true. I struggle a lot with that because I keep thinking about my past when I didn't have anxiety so I feel I was "normal" then and I want to go back to that. Well that was 8 years ago. I was 23 then. I'm 31 now. I am not the same person I was at 23. No one is. My normal is now being a mother and wife in my 30s. I just had an "ah ha" moment. I need to stop trying to be how I was before the parasite that anxiety is struck me. We all grow and change.

[mjl90 in reply to Mamakatie84]

I was 22 when it started for me, I'm 25 now, part of my biggest problem was trying to get back to how things used to be, if Im honest as much as I try I still struggle but ma "ah ha" moment came and I realized it dosent mean I cant find happiness and calmness, not all day everyday but more and more im getting better and when the bad days come its easier to handle, but then we r still human, sometimes super human for what we are able to endure

[Mamakatie84 in reply to mjl90]

What you said was really nice. I haven't really been looking at it as day to day. I forget sometimes. I want it gone right now and to be calm and if it's not I feel like my brain is going to explode. I should try to take more calm moments through out the day and appreciate those times.

I guess I've thought my panic attacks came one day out of the blue so they can be gone in one day. That's not true. It takes time.

[Aazz]

I still have health anxiety but I'm starting to really hate myself because of it I'm also really moody angry and bitchy beacause of the frustration of my anxiety that it's making me hate who I am becoming and thus I also feel depressed

[mjl90 in reply to Aazz]

This is where my anxiety has been for several months, it feels like it never ends, I over think everything I do and say, or have done or said and at times I cannot stand myself. I feel my anxiety has really taken hold of this side of me because I have always been very hard on myself, adding the fear and panic has really been horrible. Trying to constantly tell myself that my anxiety is capable of changing how I think or how I see things is helping me. Trying to spot anxiety thoughts and trying to stop them as soon as I notice, There just come days you don't have any fight left. But Im trying, and that's positive, hopefully the more im positive the better I will get.

[Aazz in reply to mjl90]

Your right about about recognizing anxiety. We are used to freaking out and having racing thoughts I find if I take a step back and say ok what I'm feeling/doing right now is anxiety it's a disorder it is not real I don't actually have to be afraid. My therapist told me to use this technique and it helps.