What is happening to me....

[Kris5]

I need to vent. I feel like I have hit rock bottom again. I am 25 years old, I have not been able to go to work because of my anxiety, I had to stop going to school again, I am extremely depressed, I just started taking Prozac 20 mg 3 days ago for my anxiety and depression. I also started taking Topamax 50 mg about a week ago and will increase to 75 mg for migraines and to lower my CSF fluid & I feel as though taking these 2 meds together is making me feel worse. I feel like I am in a dream. It is literally a struggle to lug my body around to do anything and when I do my anxiety just gets worse. I feel like everything looks foggy or like I'm not seeing things right. I feel like inside my emotions are screening but I can't say anything. I am on constant panic mode, I feel like I'm in a dream land. I feel like I am going to pass out or die at any minute(God forbid). When my mom talks to me I feel like she's not, or when I speak it's not really my voice, it's so hard to explain.

I am not sure how many of you have followed me or read/have read my posts(I have had anxiety and depression my whole life), about a year ago I developed the worst anxiety over a "situation" and I would never say what the "situation" was because I was to ashamed but I am tired of being ashamed because I already put myself through enough suffering and I need to just vent. I had an abortion. It was the worst mistake I could've ever made. I cannot even begin to try and explain the amount of utter pain I feel. Please DO NOT leave me rude or mean comments about what I did, I know what I did and no one can make me feel worse than I already do about this situation. I suffer everyday because of my choice and I believe my OCD, hypochondria, anxiety and depression is just at an all time EXTREME high ever since then. I live in fear of punishment. I live in fear of sickness, I live in fear of death, I live in fear of everything. I live in fear of living. This is not me. I am trying to get the correct help I need but right now as I lay in my bed, I feel hopeless, I feel so low, I feel like a loser. I feel like a failure to myself, my family, God, my child. I feel so overwhelmed with so many emotions. I just want to know I'm not alone. I just feel so so stuck.

[Rachms11]

Hey I'm so sorry to hear what your going through xx keep talking to people and things will get easier in time xx have you seen a doctor about this and a counsellor? It will help xx

[rosio]

i know how u feel i deal with the same thing everyday i havent worked in 2 months because of my anxiety and the scary feeling of being in a dream,fog or like ur not in reality im currently on 100 mg of zoloft and it has helped me with my anxiety and depression but i havent been able to snap out of that fog completely i pray and hope 1 day it will go away keep ur head up and know ur not,alone

[kelm123]

You are non of those things. You are forgiven, redeemed, worthy, and enough. I hope you can see that no matter what, God will never abandon you. I know it feels like you are alone and worthless-I've been there. I felt like I was such a burden to my family that they would be better off without me. This was a lie. One day I decided I wasnt going to be afraid anymore, that if I was going to die then it was my time. I literally punched the wall and then started making myself do all of the things that made my anxiety worse (I had anxiety and felt sick from it 24/7). I went shopping and stayed in the store even though my chest was ridiculously tight and my heart was racing and I was dizzy. Little by little I gained ground every time I felt the fear and did it anyway. Drink lots of water, play music that makes your heart happy, breathe deeply, find God's truths in his word and repeat them in your mind. Ask Him to renew your mind everyday. You don't have to live in darkness. I'll send you a link to my story!

[steadfast66]

Dear Kris, you are not alone in your anxiety or abortion. Please see a therapist so he/she can help you deal with your thoughts. The dreamlike and "not there feeling" sounds like depersonalization (Google this) for more information and helpful suggestion.

I've had these feelings of losing control of my speech, my mind, etc for a couple of years now and have learned to live with these feelings. When I am involved (focused) in something or someone (conversation) , I am not aware of those feelings. You will get to that point too.

I had an abortion in my twenties (now I am a senior). It took me a long time to forgive myself, but I have. God will forgive you if you ask Him. I wouldn't worry about anyone else. But PLEASE forgive yourself. None of us is perfect. We all make mistakes and will continue to do so. Perhaps not as many as time goes on. Don't be so hard on yourself.

You are not dying. You just need help. When you go to the depersonalization website, there are books you can get to help. Be encouraged. This is not the end but the beginning of getting well enough to function normally.

[Corrine1]

Hi Kris5

Just read your post and felt compelled to write. I also have suffered a lot with depression and anxiety quite a long time ago now and was also prescribed anti-depressants. I have tried a few different SSRIs which is what Prozac is. I do know that it is quite normal to feel awful when you first start taking them (worse than you do before you take them) and it can take up to 8 weeks to feel beneficial effects. If you are finding it particularly difficult please go back to your doctor and discuss it. I remember feeling completely disconnected to everything and as if I was living in a nightmare when I started taking them.

You are also taking another drug as well so not surprising you feel so bad!! I do think you need to talk to a counsellor, cognitive behavioural therapist or other professional about how you feel about the abortion. I know that having an abortion is a really difficult decision to make and you obviously didn't have enough support at the time regarding making this. It is also something that lots of women have done-might be worth looking for a support group. I think the reason you feel as you do is because you are depressed and not thinking rationally. When depressed our thoughts are very distorted and one of the things we do is catastrophise events and get everything out of proportion. I think this is what you are doing. Practising mindfulness and also CBT are all meant to help with anxiety and depression. You may also need counselling to discuss how you feel about the abortion.

Please don't despair so much and concentrate on getting the help you need. Take one step at a time.

[gregpettijohn]

I am 52..i feel as if I lost my childhood, and have never been able to get close enough to even think of marriage. keep lookinggggg youll find it. I have gotten better with time. don't lose everything like I had to