Too many thoughts

[Lostinmyself]

My mind feels full all the time. I miss out on parts of conversations and events as I am lost in my thoughts. I finally have my appointment with the access team but am now panicking about it as I know they will just say to wait for my CBT appointment to come through. It's been ages now and still I haven't heard anything. I have had a med change although I don't know why as all the literature I have read doesn't support what the doctor told me and feel like he has given me something as a placebo (although it will treat another condition I have but not the one asked for help with).

I am scared because I find myself hearing things when no one has spoken, seeing things when there is nothing there and answering the thoughts in my head. I don't know if I should tell the psychiatrist or just keep it to myself. I am in a situation I did not ask to be in but is somehow my fault. I support others through it when I just want to run away and hide. I have to lead two lives because of it and the lies are tearing me apart. I am so bloody tired of everything. I am always damaging myself now in one way or another. I know what I am doing but can't stop. My IBS is kicking off so I am in bits. What a mess!?

Sorry for the rant but no one else listens

[fanakerpan24]

You sound like you need someone to talk things through with. A lot of what you have written chimes with how I feel and think. Anxiety and depression can effect our thinking a lot and it can be scary. If you want to chat I'll listen. Hugs.xxx

[Lostinmyself in reply to fanakerpan24]

Thank you. I just feel foggy and unable to control my thoughts. I worry and stress about everything and just want to flick a switch to make it all better. (I know that's impossible) I have never felt free or comfortable in my mind and body but it's just got so bad lately.

Thank you for your support, if I can articulate everything then maybe I will take you up on your offer.

Take care. X

[fanakerpan24 in reply to Lostinmyself]

Hope you feel more at ease soon. Take care.xxx

[Hidden]

Hey hun I'm listening believe me..I have thoughts all the time some so bad I can't tell anyone my head is constantly on the go...I dont like myself....feel like people are laughing at me...I get very depressed and have thought of ending it all....thankfully they are only thought's. ...its a vicious circle and your right nobody really understands except us the people who have to go through this daily struggle....your not alone and my thought's are with you x

[Lostinmyself in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. Your reply is liked reading my own thoughts. I am currently in the process of changing medication and sorting out a dose that is right for me. This means I have to see my mental health worker every week or two rather than my GP but it is surprisingly reassuring know that I am getting treatment from people who specialise in anxiety disordersrather than an overworked and overstretched doctor in an area where it's too much trouble and expense to by 19p paracetamol in the shop!!!

My mental health worker seems to read my mind and speak my thoughts and feelings at the same time as me, while at the same time letting me talk and try to explain the blah blah blah feeling that is my anxiety. I appreciate your reply so thanks again. Take care. Here if you need to talk.