My mind feels full all the time. I miss out on parts of conversations and events as I am lost in my thoughts. I finally have my appointment with the access team but am now panicking about it as I know they will just say to wait for my CBT appointment to come through. It's been ages now and still I haven't heard anything. I have had a med change although I don't know why as all the literature I have read doesn't support what the doctor told me and feel like he has given me something as a placebo (although it will treat another condition I have but not the one asked for help with).
I am scared because I find myself hearing things when no one has spoken, seeing things when there is nothing there and answering the thoughts in my head. I don't know if I should tell the psychiatrist or just keep it to myself. I am in a situation I did not ask to be in but is somehow my fault. I support others through it when I just want to run away and hide. I have to lead two lives because of it and the lies are tearing me apart. I am so bloody tired of everything. I am always damaging myself now in one way or another. I know what I am doing but can't stop. My IBS is kicking off so I am in bits. What a mess!?
Sorry for the rant but no one else listens