a very tired worry wart!

[panickymom]

here's my story in a nutshell roughly about 2 years ago all hell broke loose in my life. I ended a relationship got laid off of work. I'm a single parent with two sons, one 23 that made me a grandmother and has no job and one that's 11 and very headstrong, if that's even possible. Bottom line they both drive me up the wall. even though that's not the half of what's going on in my life. Boom!!! its starts one night roughly around 11 p.m. I'm calling 911 because I can't breathe. long story short I think I'm dying this happens repeatedly over the next six to eight months 3 to 4 times a week 911 going into the emergency room help me something is wrong with me I can't breathe, my heart is pounding I can't eat I can't sleep mood swings. over and over again ekg's. feeling so embarrassed after they say there's nothing wrong with me Or my heart there's nothing wrong with me but I feel like I'm breaking up inside. finally I go see my doctor who referred me to a mental specialists. now I've been on lorazepam and tried out several different antidepressant. none of the anti depressants work for me Or couldn't take it long enough because of the side effects. I try not to take lorazepam every day because they tell me its habit forming. I just feel so stuck and hope that this can't be how I will live the rest of my life. now I'm fine throughout the day and don't feel the need to call 911 but the evenings are horrible for me. that's when my anxiety kicks in I get bad headaches I can't sleep or I'm constantly going to the bathroom or taking a shower or having heart palpitations and feel like I have to open my door to get some fresh air. I hate to say this, but this has become part of my life every night for the last 2 years.I've been to several natural food stores are herbal stores. I tried herbal teas, elixirs oils, changing my diet. herbal powders that you supposed to take to come down. supplement etc. Etc....NOTHING. I also smoke cigarettes not during the day mostly at night which is also not good for me. I just don't know what to do anymore or where to turn. Is there anyone on here that can offer any good advice that could help me. Just for taking the time to read my post thank you.

[Hidden]

Hello

So many are or have been & felt exactly as you do

Reading your post even though you may not feel like it you have made progress as you are coping better in the day than you were but still night times are a struggle which again I think a lot of us find this maybe because there is not as much to do & distract our minds , so maybe you could find how you could fill your evenings , maybe change your routine in some way , trying to relax by taking a hot bath & then a warm drink before bed or reading a book

But above all if you read your post back you know how you are feeling is anxiety , so you know it is not life threatening even though very unpleasant & can make us feel that way but if we can learn to see it as a fear that we can give less attention to when it is happening then it will get easier in the evenings to just like it has during the day

As for your sons it could be that like most kids they maybe taking a little advantage as they know Mum is down or it also could be that when we are down they get on are nerves & get us down a lot more than when we are feeling so much better

Get yourself in a better place first even if it means going back to the Mental Health team & asking for more support & then deal with your sons later down the line when you feel strong enough x

[panickymom in reply to Hidden]

Trigger thank you so much for taking the time to even read my posts and understand me to a certain extent. thank you for your support and your kind words it feels so much better just knowing that someone out there really does care about what you're going through and not to mention that you're not the only one...... dealing with this. thanks again. I pray all is well with you and I wish you the best.

[Dragonmum]

Sounds to me like your anxiety is manifesting in the form of massive panic attacks - I've been there as so many have, and of course we are all sure we're going to die, even though we've been through it multiple times. I got over it with the help of a very kind doctor who prescribed Citalopram - but only a six week course; after that, he assured me, I would feel so much better - and I did. These days doctors put you on psyche drugs "for life". I've refused that and demanded diazepam ( which they are totally unwilling to prescribe) on an as and when needed basis. Knowing I have them has more or less done the trick, and I take them so sparingly they last a long time. You will get past this but the pressures you are under at the moment are pretty big by any standards. The kids are probably getting to you more than anything else, that's natural, but just remember that they have to learn to cope with the results of their actions, you can't do it for them. Try to cut out the smokes - that was another cause of anxiety for me, I knew they were killing me but tried everything up to and including hypnosis and failed. Got me an e-cig 5 years ago and have never smoked again, all the calming of nicotine but none of the tar that causes lung-disease. So a huge worry gone. Make a check-list of all the things that are getting you down, it'll probably be a long one, then aim to deal with them one by one and put a line through them when you're done. Above all realise that there are millions of us with this damned condition, but many never even admit to it. You've spotted it so you're half-way there! I found that a daily tablet of hypericum (St John's Wort) did me a power of good and I have continued to take one every day. I have a relative who suffers with this to a far greater extent than I do - she went down the prescribed meds. route and I see her getting more and more dependent on drugs to just get through a day; that's her choice and I'm in no position to judge right or wrong. Whenever we talk on the phone, which is quite often, we always sign off with "Onward and Upward" and both have a giggle! As long as you can come on here and spill your guts it'll help - I do wish you so well and hope you won't need to be a panickymom for too long. Onward and Upward girl!

[panickymom in reply to Dragonmum]

Wow ..I hear you! although I don't know if I can stop the cigs at this very moment, thanks a million. Also right there with you with the meds and very determined not to be depended on any kind but I have to tell ya ... i have those moments where I'm just trying to find anything that will calm me down and thats pill or other. I wish you well also. You're awesome. Onward and Upward!!