Tired of living

[Angiecis22]

I feel so tired of waking up every day and knowing I'm Gonna feel the same today like I did the other days. Sometimes I don't even wanna get out of bed and just wanna stay there until everything is over.

Every day I feel some type of anxiety symptom like worrying about whatever. Headaches, chest tightness feeling like I'm not getting enough air so I spend the entire day taking in deep breaths and focusing on my breath. And one as well is a feeling of some kind of dizziness like as if I was drunk. Like sometimes it feels like I'm not even in my body as if I'm having a out of body experience and everything around me isn't registered In my brain. I don't enjoy life anymore. When I go out all I think about is "what if i start feeling this again Coz of my anxiety"

My depression is coming back from all this and I feel like soon I'll just get locked up in a mental hospital Coz I feel like nothing will help me and in my head I have a brain tumour, 10 different cancers, a heart condition and some type of infection. I feel like it's more of a health anxiety that beats me down as when I was about 11 I had a weird obsession over my health that I had serious illnesses. I used to think I had some type of cancer and always thought how will I tell my family. I guess back then such thing didn't really cause anything but now it caused a health anxiety in me. And I'm slowly giving up. I hate the fact that every night the minute I put my head down I start worrying and overthinking then I get some type of anxiety symptom so it makes me worry more and then I cry myself to sleep. I just feel like I belong in a mental hospital forever now as nothing will help me

[Agora1]

Hi Angiecis22, Waking up every day knowing you are going to feel the same is the first negative thought you need to get rid of. Staying in bed is not going to change the way you feel in fact will make it worse. No, you can't enjoy life if you are focusing on a list of symptoms that differ each time. Also have to get rid of the "what ifs" because you know that only feeds into your anxiety. Depression would come back if you are going in a circle of fear day in and day out and not doing anything about it. Even if you could go into a mental hospital forever, unless you change your way of thinking, your thoughts will follow you there as well. The safe haven you are looking for is within you no matter where you are. Take a look back at Beevee and Devlin's responses to others. Pick and choose the advice they give that would most suit you best. There is an answer out there for you that will work. You seem to have given up and that's not an option if you really want to end anxiety. My best x

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Agora1]

You are totally right and it is so hard to do when you are stuck in tunnel vision of this. Like a secret demon is covering you and holding you back from seeing the bright side of this.

[Angiecis22 in reply to Agora1]

The worst thing is that I did get better. I was even worse back in Feb for about 4 months and then I started to change the way I thought and go out more and just not worry but now I feel like I took 10 steps back so easily when it was so hard for me to get better and I guess now I'm just exhausted from trying again and going through it all

[Agora1 in reply to Angiecis22]

Hi Angiecis22, I think that is the key here and that it you are just so exhausted from trying again and feeling will this ever end? The answer is to take the good with the bad and accept whatever life throws your way. I know this is hard to understand how accepting unwanted symptoms is going to make them go away. But it will. I got angry living in fear, angry enough to say to myself that I was not going to accept this anymore. I had better things to do. With the change in thinking came the intensity and frequently of anxiety going down until it just finally disappears. If and when it comes back, it's just testing you. I don't Google and before bed I have something in mind that I will look forward to the next day. However small. I wish you well Angie, I think this was just a bump in the road. Better days are coming. x

[Ollie33]

Hi I do understand how you feel with my anxiety if I get a headache I think I have a brain tumour and I have palps because of my anxiety which I think everyday I will die of a heart attack. I do think that maybe o belong in a mental institution because I don't know what to do anymore ... I too try to be strong and fight but it takes over ...

[Angiecis22 in reply to Ollie33]

Exactly how I am! It's worse as well Coz my family isn't any help with this they're tired of me constantly talking about this but they don't understand talking and getting reassurance that I'm fine makes me feel better. I honestly feel like not even a doctor can help me now

[Ollie33 in reply to Angiecis22]

I know my family just think it will pass and dismiss the problem but I am trying to get through this

[Angiecis22 in reply to Ollie33]

My family is more like tired of me constantly going on about it and they're always like "then get help" or "why can't you get it in your head" like it's hard. I wish they had it at least for one day to see how hard it is for us

[Ollie33 in reply to Angiecis22]

Well I'm Irish so everyone just days you'll be grand and sweeps it under he rug so to speak l. I know myself I have post tramtic stress from having my premature baby even tho he was perfect I still developed servers anxiety and not one person understand how I feel

[Angiecis22 in reply to Ollie33]

Well one thing I learned is that people like us understand us. No matter what we go through or how we feel even if it sounds crazy to us. We all understand that as we go through the same thing.

[Ollie33 in reply to Angiecis22]

True glad o found this support group everyday is different and we need each other

[Icanbeathis2016]

Let me tell you when I say, I know exactly how you feel. I am going through the exact emotions, feelings, symptoms, and thoughts. I cry so much. I wish I had advice to give but I can only say you aren't the only one. I've cried so much to where some times tears don't even fall. Every time I get a sensation in my brain I've convinced myslef I have every brain disease, tumors and bleeding. Just last night I was so stuck on my emotions I was sitting trying to figure out when I was last normal which was in may. And so I started thinking what could I have done in may that trigger all of this and so I remembered back to a weekend in may when I went to a bar with my cousin we had some drinks and I'm not a drinker like that but that weekend I had more than I usually consumed and also a man that I never knew before bought me a drink. I didn't drink much of it because I knew he was a stranger but I did take a few sips of it and I didn't drink it all. And last night I started thinking all kinds of things like, "what if he slipped something in my drink and now is causing me brain damage, or what if he drugged my drink and that's what is now causing me do go through this?" Even though this was in may when this happened I'm still thinking it could be causing me issues now. Mt mind was all over the place i could not sleep. Then every time I look at myself in the mirror I cry because I look like a zombie. I promise you I know how you feel.

[Angiecis22 in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

when I wake up I honestly already feel tired it's like anxiety is sucking all my energy away every day. Sometimes I wish I really was ill Coz you get medicine for these things but how are you supposed to cure anxiety?

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Angiecis22]

That's what I said. I told my daughter last night, I said" I would actually have rather dealt with a sprain ankle or a broke arm because atleast I'd know exactly what's wrong, why I'm sore or in pain and I can't take the medication easily to help recover versus this anxiety it's a cycle of not knowing what the hell to expect from one second to the next or there is no cure." I pray so much but then I still have these fears. I feel as if I'm continuously disappointing God.

[Angiecis22 in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

It's weird Coz in some ways I understand why I feel a type of way but then at the same time I don't because I don't get how something in your brain can make you feel like you're about to die

[Cat33]

Please look at Beevee's posts they are brilliant and will give you hope

[Tay171]

Life and death is part of life . I used to feel like this still do sometimes . But then I say I may as well enjoy the time I have . It's hard with all the terrible anxiety I understand today I got up feeling great had a panic and was exhausted the rest of the day . But keep fighting through it you deserve to enjoy life

[Stay_strong85]

Honestly, even though I like to stay positive, I have to admit, I myself, dread the "next day" too because so far not a single day goes by that isn't filled with anxiety, fear, or exhaustion from the thoughts and stresses for me. But I do have to say...DO NOT GIVE UP. We all gotta keep going. It has to get better. I know it will. I am sorry this is so hard, I feel your pain. We will all be ok. Let's keep fighting the good fight together. I truly share a lot of your same experiences, just know it is going to get better. Come on, let's all join hands and keep moving forward. I believe in us.🤗😚