Men!! I can't resist

Ok here goes I can't quiet believe im saying this out loud finally

I find myself jumping from one relationship to the next i seem to let them in too quick and then because I'm fricking mental i get dumped and I have a really bad depressed state that I almost consider suicide. During these times I can't sleep, I drink alcohol and cry lots I hate myself a lot during these 4-5 days

I know I do it as after I get out of it im back on the dating sites looking for my next failed relationship !!

I introduced the kids after the first week and they really liked him and then I got dumped. I got fped because i was too hard, hid my emotions he was alright, i made no time for him as wanted to be hard then i got dumped

I feel in a better place now 3 months on but i still feel this need to have male attention ?

Im 40 years old

Mum to two beautiful kids

Recently divorced

No real money worries

Good job

Nice house

Yet still have this man craving !!!

I've slept with about 10 fellas in just over a year !!!!!

Pls help

12 Replies

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  • Hi there

    I am on the other side. 40, single dad. I gave up alcohol 9/10 weeks ago and came off two dating sites I was on. Being totally blunt I have not slept with anyone since finishing with my ex. I would not be able.

    I felt completely lost when I made a decision to stop boozing and dating. When I am down I go running. It's tough but I am getting there.

    You don't need attention and neither do I. I am learning to like and respect me. When I do then others will like and respect me too.

    There is no rush. I will be 41 in 9 months time. If I am dating by then that will be good. But the scars of the past cannot and will not dictate my future. For now once my son is ok I will recover. I will lose weight and get fit. Then I might be ready.

    If men sleep with you then you must be reasonably attractive. Add self assuredness and self respect to that and you will be loveable. My advice? Stop sleeping with them so early and show them you respect yourself. Then you will be fighting them off with sticks :-)

  • Thank you. But I feel so ugly and horrible why else would my ex husband cheat on me??

  • For a number of reasons nothing to do with you. Could be unresolved issues from his childhood could be lack of respect for himself, a mistake, anything.

    Why blame yourself?

    He made the decision.

    Now please respect yourself and find that inner beauty. If 10 men find you physically attractive in a year just think of one person who will find you attractive inside and out. Think of the stability a loving relationship will bring to your family and the model it will be for your kids.

    I am sitting in with my sister tonight. I am lonely and would love a relationship. But I am badly scarred from the last relationship and am doing some painful work to address the past. I am reading, journalling, trying to love myself before someone will love me. I am trying to enjoy today. I just dropped my son back to his mam and won't see him until for 4 days.

    But once I feel ready I may meet someone. I am willing to do the painful work now to try to improve things.

    Maybe you could do the same? If you are attractive at 40 you will be attractive at 41 and things could be infinitely better then.

    And keep talking to us here. We want to see a fellow member of this site progress.

  • I don't know. He use to be madly in love with me! Used to only have eyes for me, loved my blue eyes blonde curly hair and yet treated me terribly. I can't help but look at what I did wrong. Maybe I should have paid more attention. I feel a sense of unfathomable loss when I think about him. I am well over him but not sure if it's the fact i have a failed marriage i did some soul searching today with a friend and talked about my past. I used to use drugs years ago, was a wild one!!! Suffered from bulemia and did some real stupid stuff which resulted in things I will never forgive myself for. But I flashback sometimes and feel utter despair at myself. Yes these men meet me and fall in love with me instantly I think it's what I need but I push them away and it ends. Im a bad person.

  • We have had similar experiences. I never did drugs but I did drink. I too pushed a lot of genuine people away.

    I was with someone for 6 years and we have a one year old together. She hates me. Why? I don't know. I spent years trying to work out what I had done wrong and I just stopped.

    Some day someone may love me but until then I am trying to be happy on my own. I am trying to enjoy life to the max and just take one day at a time.

    I think if you did the same and like and accept yourself then things will progress. You are obviously attractive so when you heal from inside out think of how attractive you will be then.

    But as to why he left, only he can answer that and you need to stop, accept that he did and forgive yourself. Don't sleep with anyone until you feel that it would be because they respect you, you respect yourself and that it would improve your self esteem.

    You are worth more than one night stands.

  • Yeah I guess so

  • I had a friend (about 24) who was incredibley beautiful (much head swivelling from almost everyone) popular, and a very talented artist. She talked about how her boyfriend of a couple of years, back in Iran would constantly cheat on her. She had to move out of Iran for political reasons and met someone in the UK who put her on a pedestal. Together for 3 years and subsequently married.

    I believe all this relationship angst is down to low self-esteem, usually set up on childhood.

  • I tend to agree. This is what I am finding out now through intensive counselling.

  • Yes, definitely family relationships and circumstances at age 0 to 7 have a lot to answer for in the way we see ourselves.

    Men definitely aren't the answer, the horrible ones just take advantage of your low self esteem. Once you feel better about yourself, you will know what kind of partner you really want (rather than need) and he/she wont be anything like the people you were previously attracted to due to your masochism from your feelings of self unworth.

  • Hello

    Go get some advice. You are going from a failed marriage, chat with your GP

  • Right - you're recently divorced so possibly feeling unattractive, on the shelf, etc. You have felt the need to re-affirm your attractiveness by pulling some fella's. You are attractive - you've pulled a fair few! Now you know that. You need to do exactly what 689908 says in his last paragraph. Respect yourself now. Don't put yourself in a position where you feel depressed for being dumped. These were obviously not meaningful relationships after all - 10 guys in a year - they can't have lasted more than a month. you said the problem yourself - "I find myself jumping from one relationship to the next i seem to let them in too quick"

    It's upsetting for you, its upsetting for the kids. You mustn't feel suicidal. Think of your fabulous kids. These guys really aren't worth it. And you know it.

    Dating sites seem to me to be for people wanting a "no strings" bonk! Meet a new meaningful guy the old fashioned way. Join a class/ gym. Go to the pub with your mates. Walk the dog. Take the kids to the park. Chances are you'll meet a nice person by chance who you click with.

    Sue

  • Thanks sue

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